How to Escape the Friend Zone (Girls)

Last Updated: February 4, 2020 References

At some point in our lives, every woman has been stuck in the Friend Zone—no matter if she has stunning looks, a rockin' bod or A-list popularity status. Someone is going to keep you hanging in that awful middle ground, that seemingly unmovable space between "friend" and "girlfriend" that feels like a prison: the Friend Zone. You know, that one guy friend who flirt-texts with you all the time, but when you're hanging out, won't shut up about other girls. Or maybe it's the work friend who makes lunch breaks the highlight of your day, but doesn't ever bring up making plans after work. But don't worry—contrary to popular belief, you can break out...and never get trapped again!

Steps

1
Admit to yourself you're in the Friend Zone. Whatever you're doing right now isn't working, which is why you're reading this article. Accept this, and make sure to commit yourself to changing your approach to the situation. If things stay the same, you'll never escape the pattern.
2
Define how your friend sees you. Your friend does not see you as a girlfriend candidate, or you wouldn't be in this situation. So how do they see you? It could be a little sister, therapist, parent, back-up-plan, etc. Think about the dynamic between you. Do they pick on you, like they would a sibling? Are they always seeking comfort or a shoulder to cry on? Are they looking for support like a parent would give? Figure out this dynamic, then try to change it. Don't always be the shoulder. Don't act like a little sister. Be wary of always giving advice. When you stop fulfilling that role in their life, they'll begin to be able to see you in a more dateable role: a possible girlfriend.

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3
Tell him or her your feelings. They might not be aware that you are attracted to them and want to date them. Make this clear. It's scary, but you can do it. Just take a deep breath, and (in person) tell them something like this: "I've been wanting to tell you for a while that I have feelings for you. Do you feel the same way about me?" Keep it simple, straightforward and casual. Make sure you're both sober and in a quiet, private place.^{[1]
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Research source}
4
Distance yourself from your friend. This is going to be challenging, especially if you're very close to this person and have become dependent on them. But you can do it. You are a strong, independent woman who doesn't need to rely on this person to live her life. And you know the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder?" It's true. They won't forget about you, they'll just miss you more. That's what this step will ideally accomplish: your friend will realize that having you out of the picture sucks, and they need to stop taking you for granted.
5
Get out there. Use this distance to start making yourself more of a well-rounded individual. Get out. Meet people and make other friends. Take a cooking or karate or sewing or rock-climbing class—whatever you want to try out. Sign up for a gym membership (and actually go). Read in the park. Meet your neighbors. Don't get a "fake life" where you post Facebook statuses in an attempt to make your guy or girl jealous. Actually do those things, and hopefully, you'll be having so much fun, you won't be thinking about them at all!^{[2]
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6
Switch-up your look. Have you worn the same hair and clothes for the last seven years? Maybe it's time for a makeover. Don't be afraid to change! Take this time to create a new look for yourself. Try a different hair color or cut. Save up for a shopping spree (because who doesn't like to splurge on cute clothes?) Surprises are exciting; when you do see your friend again, they'll see the new you and wonder what else you're capable of.
7
Check your attitude. Angry, sad, pessimistic—do these traits sound attractive to you? Well, they're not attractive to your friend, either. A physical makeover isn't going to do the trick if you have a poisonous personality—nobody wants to be with someone like that. Try identifying behaviors that are negative, and work to eliminate them.^{[3]
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Research source} Finding it hard to fake happiness? Start small: just smile more. Science has proven that the action, whether it's a real smile or not, releases chemicals in your brain that make you happier.^{[4]
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Research source} Also, get more sunlight, this also increases the amount of endorphins in your brain.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Breathe deep, eat healthy,^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source} exercise more and be kind to friends and strangers alike. Once you start radiating positive energy inside and out, people (your friend included) are going to be naturally drawn to you.

Community Q&A

Question

What if when I ask him who he likes, he says another girl?

Community Answer

You can't force him. Pressuring or nagging (even just reminding him) will push him further away. You may have to just wait it out. But if you don't think he'll return your feelings then you should try to move on. There's no point being hung up on a guy who's not interested.
Question

I have liked my best friend for a long time now. I asked him out, and he said no because it would be awkward. Should I get over him or still love him?

Community Answer

You need to respect his decision, regardless of how you feel. Accept your friend status and be patient. Perhaps his feelings will change over time.
Question

What can I do if he wants to date me but his friends will stop talking to him if he does?

Community Answer

It sounds like you don't have to do anything - the decision is up to him. But if you wanted to gently suggest to him that his friends are being petty, well, you wouldn't be wrong.