Believable Excuses Not to Hang Out with Someone

An easy guide to bailing on someone without hurting their feelings

Co-authored by Brett Baughman and Luke Smith, MFA

Last Updated: December 21, 2022 References

Those plans you made last week have finally come calling, but your bed just looks so much more appealing than running around town all night. How do you break the news to your friends that you’ve made the executive decision not to hang? You don’t want them getting the wrong idea or thinking that you somehow dislike them. You gotta let them down easy. We’ve put together a foolproof list of 19 excuses to cancel your plans with a friend that’ll guarantee you that sweet, sweet night-in without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Things You Should Know

Be honest and let them know that you’re just not feeling it, and it has nothing to do with them.
Ask for a rain check to let them know that you do want to hang, just not this time.
Keep other excuses vague—omit information rather than outright lying.

1

“I’m not feeling up to it.”

Sometimes it’s best to be honest. But you can still be honest without being harsh—focus your excuse inward, “It’s not you, it’s me,” that sort of thing. No need to get specific; a simple, “Not today, sorry,” will do.^{[1]
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- “Sorry, but it turns out that now isn’t the best time for me.”

2

“I need some time to myself.”

People understand that you might need some self-care. After all, with everything going on in the world these days, self-care is practically everyone’s go-to excuse, and they’ll understand if you play the me-time card. Just don’t play it too often.^{[2]
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- “Things have been a lot for me lately, I’m gonna have to bail.”
- “I’m just a little overwhelmed and need some time to recoup.”

3

“Something came up.”

A vague emergency is hard to argue with. People are hesitant to contest a mysterious, unspecific crisis, and questioning or pushing the issue further would be a faux-pas on their part. As with any good excuse, it’s best to keep this general. The fewer details, the better, but remember to play it off when they ask how it went later.^{[3]
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- “Turns out I need to handle something.”
- “I’ve got a situation to deal with, sorry!”

4

“I’m not gonna be able to make it.”

Declare your absence confidently. Focusing on the reality of the situation—that you’re ducking out, bye!—moves attention away from the actual reason for the absence, and your authoritative tone warns against further questioning. Omit information rather than outright lying.^{[4]
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- “Apologies, I’ve gotta bail. See you another time, though.”
- “This sucks, but I can’t come after all.”

5

“Can I call you real quick?”

Canceling over the phone is more personal and appreciated. It says that you value your relationship enough to make an effort to cancel… not face-to-face, but voice-to-voice. A phone call is a nice gesture that assures the other person that it’s not that you don’t want to talk to them, you just can’t do it this time.^{[5]
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- “Hey, thanks for picking up! Just wanted to tell you ASAP that I can’t make it.”
- “Oop, sorry you missed my call. Turns out I can’t come tonight, but call me back when you get this. We’ll chat!”

6

“I messed up—I’m actually double-booked.”

A double-booking is an understandable mistake. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all had to make that call. The real trick is assuring them that you’re not choosing the other thing over them, it’s just a matter of obligations. Let them know that you really need to take care of whatever it is. Your friends will understand.^{[6]
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- “Oh my gosh, I forgot to put this on my calendar, but I can’t miss it. I’m so sorry.”
- “Uh oh, this other thing totally slipped my mind, but I did promise I’d be there before we made our plans.”

7

“My family member is unexpectedly in town.”

Family members dropping by can happen to anyone, even you. That’s right, your mom came by to check up. Your grandpa who you haven’t seen in years is on a spontaneous road trip. Your brother has a crisis. Most people understand that family matters trump other plans.^{[7]
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- “Hey, my sister showed up and says she needs help. I gotta see what this is about, but catch you later?”
- “My aunt dropped by, and she’s tends to stick around for a while. I’ll try to get away, but in case I can’t—sorry!”

8

“Work just picked up and I need to meet a deadline.”

Blaming a work conflict is perfectly understandable. Keeping your livelihood takes priority (much as we wish it didn’t), and people usually get that. There’s a deadline coming up, you need a little extra to make rent this month, you have to stay late, your boss suggested you really should go to that office party. It can’t be helped.^{[8]
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Research source} Of course, don’t use this excuse with your boss if you don’t actually plan to work.
- “Sorry, I’m working overtime to make a little more money this month. Things should ease up soon, though.”
- “My boss needs me on-call that night, so I’m gonna sit this one out.”

9

“I’ve got a migraine.”

Invisible ailments like migraines are an easy cover. You don’t need to be vomiting or visibly ill to prove your case, and they’re common enough not to be suspicious. But stay off the internet for the night; otherwise, they might wonder why you’re looking at that bright screen to post on Instagram, when you should be hanging out.^{[9]
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Research source} Migraines are clutch when it comes to ditching almost anyone, from friends to family to coworkers.
- “I feel a bad one coming one, I think I’m gonna sit this one out.”
- “Oof, I need to lie down. I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to be up and about.”

10

“I’m contagious.”

The risk of getting others sick can be an even better excuse than just being sick. You’re bedridden (and happily marathoning your fav show) and coughing up a storm (while drinking your beverage of choice) and sneezing something fierce (between bites of takeout). You’re a certified biohazard, and you wouldn’t wish that on someone else. You’ll just have to stay in tonight. Bummer!^{[10]
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Research source} Illnesses are another excuse that’ll work with most anyone… except maybe your nurse friends.
- “I’m in pretty rough shape—I would hate to give you whatever I’ve got.”
- “It just wouldn’t be responsible for me to go out, as sick as I am.”

11

“My partner/mom/dog is sick and I need to care for them.”

Blaming a third party for something out of their control can be harmless. It’s not their fault—it’s not anyone’s fault—but you do need to handle it, right? Even better if it’s someone your friend doesn’t know very well, so they can’t look into it.^{[11]
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- “My boyfriend’s come down with something, and I’d feel bad just leaving him.”
- “My cat’s acting funny, I’m pretty worried. Think I’ll stick around home to make sure it’s not anything serious.”

12

“I don’t want to risk getting sick.”

Concerns about illness are always valid. In this day and age, anxiety about catching something is incredibly common, and your friends won’t blink twice if you whip out this excuse. The only catch is that you can’t let them catch you clubbing the next night. Or, if you haven’t worried about it before, you’ll have to put in some extra effort to convince them that you’ve turned a health-conscious corner. This excuse works best with people you don’t see very often and who aren’t as familiar with your regular health habits.
- “I dunno, it’s just that big crowds make me so wary nowadays, even with masks.”
- “I can’t afford to get sick now and miss work.”
- “It’s just that I realize how reckless I was being, and I decided I want to be more responsible with my health.”

13

“My partner surprised me with a date. Can we reschedule?”

Some relationship matters just take priority. People will acknowledge that something like a surprise date is a good reason to bail; your partner’s been planning this for so long, and they wanted it to be special. If you don’t have a partner, try telling them a good friend or even a sibling put together some surprise bonding experience.^{[12]
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Research source} Use this with friends—your partner might have understandable questions if you say it to them.
- “I guess he’s had this on the books for a while, and I’d hate to spoil the thoughtful gesture. How about we go out another time?”
- “Yeah, she’s been sitting on these tickets for a months, it’d be a bummer to waste them.”

14

“Ugh, my landlord is coming for an inspection.”

Fun often has to take a backseat to grown-up things. You know how landlords are: always dropping by at a moment’s notice. And you can’t exactly give your landlord a rain check—that’s the guy who’s in charge of your living situation. A surprise visit from a landlord is a great excuse in a pinch.^{[13]
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- “He says he needs to check something about the electrical, and I don’t want him to be poking around while I’m away.”

15

“My car’s not starting.”

Busted transportation is a victimless excuse. Your ride just bailed, or maybe it’s a little too far to walk, actually. The one caveat here is that you need to prepare for the dreaded counter-offer: “Oh, I’ll give you a ride!” There’s not much getting out of that one, so make sure there’s no possibility for an alternative.^{[14]
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- “The bus hasn’t come for like half an hour. I don’t think it’s coming at all.”
- “Turns out my roommate is MIA and so can’t drive me.”

16

“My favorite musician is in town and I can’t miss this.”

Sentimental occasions like concerts can safely override everyday plans. After all, if you miss the show this time, who knows when the artist will be back in town, if ever? This is a once-in-a-lifetime event. That movie you had planned will still be in theaters next week, right?^{[15]
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Research source} This one only really works if your friend isn’t very interested in whatever event you think up; they might ask to tag along.
- “You know how much this band means to me. I can’t just not go!”
- “I’m obsessed with this artist, and their gallery is only in town this week. I hope you understand.”

17

“My kid needs me.”

Your kids always come first, which can be pretty useful. Nobody’s about to hold your responsible parenting against you, even if that “responsible parenting” is actually just finding a sitter while you put your feet up and watch TV in your room. Of course, this one only works if you have kids.^{[16]
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Research source} This is best used on friends who understand that kids can be a hassle sometimes.
- “Ugh, the sitter bailed, so tonight’s a no-go for me.”
- “I need to spend some quality time with the kids.”

18

“Can we reschedule?”

Let them down easy with a rain check. Proposing you meet up another time is the best way to assure something that you actually do want to hang out… just not this time. Even better if you propose the new date yourself, to really hammer home your commitment.^{[17]
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- “Tonight’s not going to work for me, actually. What about tomorrow night?”
- “Turns out I’m not feeling it right now, but I’d be down another time!”

19

“Can we do this instead?”

A compromise can appease both parties. Turns out you don’t want to go to that loud concert, or sit in your friend’s dim basement for the third time this week. Offering to do something else can shake things up and motivate you to actually get out of the house, without letting your friends down. Or maybe your new plan is not leaving the house. Up to you.^{[18]
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- “I’m not sure about tonight, actually, but I’d be down for this other thing tomorrow?”
- “What if you came to mine this time?”

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it ok to not want to be around a family member?

Brett Baughman
Life Coach
Brett Baughman is a Business & Life Coach, as well as the Founder of The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc., and the renowned Action Mastery retreats. With over 20 years of experience, his specialty is helping high-performing executives and entrepreneurs to advance to the next level of success. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois State University and was mentored by Tad James. During his work at the Tad James Company, he earned his certifications as a Master NLP Coach (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a Certified Master Hypnotherapist, an NLP Trainer & Master Practitioner, and a Time Line Therapy Trainer & Master Practitioner. He’s also been voted the Top Coach to work with by Apple News.

Brett Baughman

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Some people can pull you down, even if they aren't doing it consciously. It's okay to not spend time with this person—your main obligation is to yourself and making sure that you're healthy and doing your best. In the meantime, focusing on loving that person, having empathy for them, and giving them as much support as you can while still continuing to focus on your path.
Question

How do I excuse myself from something without being rude?

Brett Baughman
Life Coach
Brett Baughman is a Business & Life Coach, as well as the Founder of The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc., and the renowned Action Mastery retreats. With over 20 years of experience, his specialty is helping high-performing executives and entrepreneurs to advance to the next level of success. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois State University and was mentored by Tad James. During his work at the Tad James Company, he earned his certifications as a Master NLP Coach (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a Certified Master Hypnotherapist, an NLP Trainer & Master Practitioner, and a Time Line Therapy Trainer & Master Practitioner. He’s also been voted the Top Coach to work with by Apple News.

Brett Baughman

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Be honest about what you're doing! If you're working on something that's important to you, you should be purposeful with your time and actions. If someone invites you to something you're not interested in, it's very easy to say "Hey! I'd love to do that, but I'm actually working on this project right now." That way, you're being truthful—plus, it's never an excuse to keep yourself busy by doing the thing that's most valuable to you.