An easy guide to bailing on someone without hurting their feelings

Those plans you made last week have finally come calling, but your bed just looks so much more appealing than running around town all night. How do you break the news to your friends that you’ve made the executive decision not to hang? You don’t want them getting the wrong idea or thinking that you somehow dislike them. You gotta let them down easy. We’ve put together a foolproof list of 19 excuses to cancel your plans with a friend that’ll guarantee you that sweet, sweet night-in without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Things You Should Know

  • Be honest and let them know that you’re just not feeling it, and it has nothing to do with them.
  • Ask for a rain check to let them know that you do want to hang, just not this time.
  • Keep other excuses vague—omit information rather than outright lying.
5

“Can I call you real quick?”

  1. Canceling over the phone is more personal and appreciated. It says that you value your relationship enough to make an effort to cancel… not face-to-face, but voice-to-voice. A phone call is a nice gesture that assures the other person that it’s not that you don’t want to talk to them, you just can’t do it this time.[5]
    • “Hey, thanks for picking up! Just wanted to tell you ASAP that I can’t make it.”
    • “Oop, sorry you missed my call. Turns out I can’t come tonight, but call me back when you get this. We’ll chat!”
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6

“I messed up—I’m actually double-booked.”

7

“My family member is unexpectedly in town.”

  1. Family members dropping by can happen to anyone, even you. That’s right, your mom came by to check up. Your grandpa who you haven’t seen in years is on a spontaneous road trip. Your brother has a crisis. Most people understand that family matters trump other plans.[7]
    • “Hey, my sister showed up and says she needs help. I gotta see what this is about, but catch you later?”
    • “My aunt dropped by, and she’s tends to stick around for a while. I’ll try to get away, but in case I can’t—sorry!”
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8

“Work just picked up and I need to meet a deadline.”

  1. Blaming a work conflict is perfectly understandable. Keeping your livelihood takes priority (much as we wish it didn’t), and people usually get that. There’s a deadline coming up, you need a little extra to make rent this month, you have to stay late, your boss suggested you really should go to that office party. It can’t be helped.[8] Of course, don’t use this excuse with your boss if you don’t actually plan to work.
    • “Sorry, I’m working overtime to make a little more money this month. Things should ease up soon, though.”
    • “My boss needs me on-call that night, so I’m gonna sit this one out.”
9

“I’ve got a migraine.”

  1. Invisible ailments like migraines are an easy cover. You don’t need to be vomiting or visibly ill to prove your case, and they’re common enough not to be suspicious. But stay off the internet for the night; otherwise, they might wonder why you’re looking at that bright screen to post on Instagram, when you should be hanging out.[9] Migraines are clutch when it comes to ditching almost anyone, from friends to family to coworkers.
    • “I feel a bad one coming one, I think I’m gonna sit this one out.”
    • “Oof, I need to lie down. I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to be up and about.”
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10

“I’m contagious.”

  1. The risk of getting others sick can be an even better excuse than just being sick. You’re bedridden (and happily marathoning your fav show) and coughing up a storm (while drinking your beverage of choice) and sneezing something fierce (between bites of takeout). You’re a certified biohazard, and you wouldn’t wish that on someone else. You’ll just have to stay in tonight. Bummer![10] Illnesses are another excuse that’ll work with most anyone… except maybe your nurse friends.
    • “I’m in pretty rough shape—I would hate to give you whatever I’ve got.”
    • “It just wouldn’t be responsible for me to go out, as sick as I am.”
11

“My partner/mom/dog is sick and I need to care for them.”

12

“I don’t want to risk getting sick.”

  1. Concerns about illness are always valid. In this day and age, anxiety about catching something is incredibly common, and your friends won’t blink twice if you whip out this excuse. The only catch is that you can’t let them catch you clubbing the next night. Or, if you haven’t worried about it before, you’ll have to put in some extra effort to convince them that you’ve turned a health-conscious corner. This excuse works best with people you don’t see very often and who aren’t as familiar with your regular health habits.
    • “I dunno, it’s just that big crowds make me so wary nowadays, even with masks.”
    • “I can’t afford to get sick now and miss work.”
    • “It’s just that I realize how reckless I was being, and I decided I want to be more responsible with my health.”
13

“My partner surprised me with a date. Can we reschedule?”

  1. Some relationship matters just take priority. People will acknowledge that something like a surprise date is a good reason to bail; your partner’s been planning this for so long, and they wanted it to be special. If you don’t have a partner, try telling them a good friend or even a sibling put together some surprise bonding experience.[12] Use this with friends—your partner might have understandable questions if you say it to them.
    • “I guess he’s had this on the books for a while, and I’d hate to spoil the thoughtful gesture. How about we go out another time?”
    • “Yeah, she’s been sitting on these tickets for a months, it’d be a bummer to waste them.”
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15

“My car’s not starting.”

16

“My favorite musician is in town and I can’t miss this.”

  1. Sentimental occasions like concerts can safely override everyday plans. After all, if you miss the show this time, who knows when the artist will be back in town, if ever? This is a once-in-a-lifetime event. That movie you had planned will still be in theaters next week, right?[15] This one only really works if your friend isn’t very interested in whatever event you think up; they might ask to tag along.
    • “You know how much this band means to me. I can’t just not go!”
    • “I’m obsessed with this artist, and their gallery is only in town this week. I hope you understand.”
17

“My kid needs me.”

19

“Can we do this instead?”

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    Is it ok to not want to be around a family member?
    Brett Baughman
    Brett Baughman
    Life Coach
    Brett Baughman is a Business & Life Coach, as well as the Founder of The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc., and the renowned Action Mastery retreats. With over 20 years of experience, his specialty is helping high-performing executives and entrepreneurs to advance to the next level of success. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois State University and was mentored by Tad James. During his work at the Tad James Company, he earned his certifications as a Master NLP Coach (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a Certified Master Hypnotherapist, an NLP Trainer & Master Practitioner, and a Time Line Therapy Trainer & Master Practitioner. He’s also been voted the Top Coach to work with by Apple News.
    Brett Baughman
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Some people can pull you down, even if they aren't doing it consciously. It's okay to not spend time with this person—your main obligation is to yourself and making sure that you're healthy and doing your best. In the meantime, focusing on loving that person, having empathy for them, and giving them as much support as you can while still continuing to focus on your path.
  • Question
    How do I excuse myself from something without being rude?
    Brett Baughman
    Brett Baughman
    Life Coach
    Brett Baughman is a Business & Life Coach, as well as the Founder of The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc., and the renowned Action Mastery retreats. With over 20 years of experience, his specialty is helping high-performing executives and entrepreneurs to advance to the next level of success. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois State University and was mentored by Tad James. During his work at the Tad James Company, he earned his certifications as a Master NLP Coach (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a Certified Master Hypnotherapist, an NLP Trainer & Master Practitioner, and a Time Line Therapy Trainer & Master Practitioner. He’s also been voted the Top Coach to work with by Apple News.
    Brett Baughman
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Be honest about what you're doing! If you're working on something that's important to you, you should be purposeful with your time and actions. If someone invites you to something you're not interested in, it's very easy to say "Hey! I'd love to do that, but I'm actually working on this project right now." That way, you're being truthful—plus, it's never an excuse to keep yourself busy by doing the thing that's most valuable to you.
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About This Article

Brett Baughman
Co-authored by:
Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Brett Baughman and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Brett Baughman is a Business & Life Coach, as well as the Founder of The Brett Baughman Companies, Inc., and the renowned Action Mastery retreats. With over 20 years of experience, his specialty is helping high-performing executives and entrepreneurs to advance to the next level of success. He earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Illinois State University and was mentored by Tad James. During his work at the Tad James Company, he earned his certifications as a Master NLP Coach (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a Certified Master Hypnotherapist, an NLP Trainer & Master Practitioner, and a Time Line Therapy Trainer & Master Practitioner. He’s also been voted the Top Coach to work with by Apple News. This article has been viewed 25,144 times.
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Co-authors: 3
Updated: December 21, 2022
Views: 25,144
Categories: Friends
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