Getting over the hurt of being the “other woman” takes some time. Like any form of heartbreak, dealing with it takes a lot of self-reflection and personal emotional work, but it also requires support from the people who love and support you. You’re not alone in this. Trust us. For tips on how to start healing from the heartbreak of being the other woman and what to do next, read on.

3

Distract yourself for a bit.

  1. Constantly fixating on feeling heartbroken is draining. Get your mind off it for a while by investing time and energy into other areas of your life. Focus on things that make you feel successful, like work or hobbies. Allow yourself some distance from your heartbroken feelings so you can return to them later with a fresh perspective.
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4

Find a support system.

5

Confide in someone.

  1. Talk to a friend about your situation. Sharing your situation with someone openly and honestly can help you feel less “stuck” in a situation that makes you feel hopeless or directionless.[5] That being said, it’s important that you pick your confidant wisely.[6] Consider these factors before talking to a friend:
    • Are they a good listener? Make sure this person is someone who has shown you attention in the past. Eye contact and “supportive sounds” (wow, tsk, sigh, etc.) are signs of this.
    • Are they supportive? Avoid talking to someone who might want to play devil’s advocate. Pick someone who you know will be on your side as you tell your story.
    • Are they empathetic? Choose a friend who usually “gets” things from your point of view and verbally affirms that they understand how you feel.
    • Are they likely to make things about themselves? Don’t talk to someone who will inevitably make the conversation about themselves.
    • Are they loyal? Make sure this person is someone who can keep a secret, in case you don’t want certain information being spread around.
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6

Avoid speaking with anyone involved.

7

Face the truth of your situation.

  1. Recognize if the root of your heartbreak is wishful thinking. When you’re thinking about the future of a relationship you’re in, it can be easy to conflate fantasy with reality. This is especially true in an affair.[8] Take a moment to step outside of your emotions and objectively ask yourself these questions:
    • How has my relationship with my partner been growing?
    • Does my partner care about making me happy in the long run?
    • Will my partner ever leave the other person they’re with to be with me?
    • If my partner is willing to lie to the other person they’re with, could they lie to me?
    • Can I realistically have a loyal and loving long-term relationship with my partner?
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8

Envision the future you want for yourself.

  1. Seriously consider whether this relationship is worth pursuing. Think about your wants and needs in a long-term relationship.[9] Does your partner provide you with these things? You may realize that after the initial excitement of the affair has worn off, your partner is not really the person you want to spend your life with.[10]
    • Try making a list of things you want out of a long-term relationship, like moving to a new city or raising kids together. Will your partner do these things with you?

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What does it feel like being the other woman?
    Vernita Marsh, PhD
    Vernita Marsh, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker
    Dr. Vernita Marsh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the CEO and Founder of Dr. Vernita Marsh & Associates and The Marsh Clinics®. With over 30 years of clinical psychology experience, she specializes in relationship therapy, grief counseling, family therapy, and intimate partner abuse counseling. Dr. Marsh offers consultation for therapists, coaches, and trainees of mental health. Dr. Marsh earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Michigan State University and completed both her postdoctoral and fellowship training at Harvard Medical School. She also has expertise in the area of Telehealth and has received Clinical Telehealth Health Provider Certification from Evergreen.
    Vernita Marsh, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Being the other woman is a really emotional experience. You might feel angry as well as insecure, and wonder if you weren't good enough for your cheating partner.
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About This Article

Vernita Marsh, PhD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker
This article was co-authored by Vernita Marsh, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Kai Hynes. Dr. Vernita Marsh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the CEO and Founder of Dr. Vernita Marsh & Associates and The Marsh Clinics®. With over 30 years of clinical psychology experience, she specializes in relationship therapy, grief counseling, family therapy, and intimate partner abuse counseling. Dr. Marsh offers consultation for therapists, coaches, and trainees of mental health. Dr. Marsh earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Michigan State University and completed both her postdoctoral and fellowship training at Harvard Medical School. She also has expertise in the area of Telehealth and has received Clinical Telehealth Health Provider Certification from Evergreen. This article has been viewed 8,009 times.
3 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 3
Updated: April 21, 2022
Views: 8,009
Categories: Relationships
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