How to Deal With Your Ex Boyfriend Who Happens to Be a Co Worker

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: July 22, 2021 References

If you dated a co-worker only to have the relationship end, things may feel a bit awkward after the split. Thankfully, you can reduce the discomfort and tension by setting good boundaries with your ex. Keep things civil and limit your interactions to make things a little more bearable for the both of you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Setting Boundaries

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Think about what you want. When you were happily coupled with a coworker, navigating the workplace after the breakup was the furthest thing from your mind. Now that it’s a reality, you need to consider how you want things to be.^{[1]
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- Take a moment to jot down how you would ideally like to interact with your ex moving forward.
- Are you okay with being friends with your ex or would you much rather avoid them as much as possible? How your interactions look moving forward will probably depend on how the relationship ended and the cause of the breakup.
- Consider which work activities will be impacted by your interactions with your ex. How do think those activities will need to change as you end your relationship?
2
Talk with them about a game plan. You’ve already had the “talk,” but now the two of you need to reach an agreement about how to handle workplace interactions. Luckily, you already know what you want. You just need to negotiate with your ex to come up with a friendly agreement.^{[2]
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- You might bring up the subject by saying, “We work together and I don’t want the breakup to affect us professionally. How do you want to handle things?”
- The two of you might decide that one of you will switch project teams to reduce contact or you might avoid each other at after-work gatherings.
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3
Save the details of the split for non-work friends. Your close pals at work may have enjoyed the relationship when it was at its best, but they’ll likely feel the pressure once the 2 of you have split. Ease the tension by leaving personal conversations for unbiased friends.^{[3]
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- Avoid talking about what caused the breakup or your ex with your coworkers.
- Identify 1 or 2 good friends who don’t work with you. Turn to them for support after the breakup.
4
Keep interactions brief and work-related. A good rule-of-thumb is to keep any interactions between you and your ex to a bare minimum, especially in the days and weeks following the breakup. Conduct any personal discussions between the two of you outside of work.^{[4]
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- Spending too much time together or talking about anything beyond work could heighten tension and put your professionalism in jeopardy.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Acting Civilly

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Imagine your boss is watching. Whenever you’re around your ex at the workplace, imagine you’re your boss is observing your every move. Doing this will ensure that you don’t say or do anything that reflects poorly on your personal or professional reputation.^{[5]
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Avoid badmouthing your ex at work. When the emotional wounds are still fresh, it can be tempting to make critical remarks about your ex in the workplace. You may even find yourself judging their efforts at work, although you never saw any issue before.^{[6]
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- Skip the criticisms, as they’ll only make you the bad guy. Instead, show your professional integrity by finding something nice to say about your ex’s work. For instance, you might share with a coworker, “I really admire the creativity John has brought to the table on this project.”
- Speaking highly of your ex will earn you the respect of the entire office. Plus, you’ll feel pretty good about yourself, too.
- Avoid going overboard when complimenting your ex at work--otherwise, everyone may think you're still into them.
3
Stay cool if your ex starts dating another co-worker. There’s a good chance that your ex will move on after your breakup, and they might move on with another person at the office. Such a circumstance will likely test your strength of character. However, keep in mind that others will be watching you closely—don’t give them any reason to doubt your professionalism.^{[7]
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- To reduce the bad energy, avoid your ex and their new lover as much as possible. When you must interact, keep it brief.
- If you must, use your lunch breaks to vent to an unbiased friend or journal about your feelings to release tension.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping Your Distance

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Make adjustments to your routine. When you and your ex were still together, you may have blended your work schedules and activities to suit one another. Now, you’ll need to re-establish your routine. Find ways to tweak your schedule so that you can avoid your ex.^{[8]
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- For instance, maybe the two of you always got coffee at the shop on the corner before heading to work. You might go to a different coffee shop, catch up with an old friend before work or add 15 extra minutes to your morning workout instead.
- If you took lunch together outside on a bench, you might take your lunch a half hour later or in a different location to avoid your ex.
2
Request a new department or team. No matter how hard you try, it can get complicated to continue working side by side with someone you used to date. If a change of scenery sounds attractive, you might consider switching to a new department or team within your company.^{[9]
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- Changing to a new department or team may help you develop skills you are lacking, which can look great on your resume.
- You do not need to let anyone know that the change in your relationship is the cause of your transfer.
3
Change shifts. Sometimes, you’d much rather avoid your ex than try to keep your cool in their presence. If you are a shift worker, you may be able to avoid your ex altogether by swapping to a new shift.^{[10]
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- Talk to your supervisor about making a switch. Tell them you think a shift change will help improve your focus and productivity, which is probably true.
4
Make new friends at work who aren’t friendly with your ex. It’s really hard to not bump into your ex during lunch break or at after-work cocktails when the two of your share the same social circle. Try to branch out and expand your social circle a bit.^{[11]
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- This doesn’t mean ditching your old friends, but it will give you more opportunities to socialize without your ex being present.
- Take your coworker up on their offer to check out the new Thai restaurant after work or suggest that you and a few coworkers join a class at your nearest gym.