How to Control Your Temper While Sleep Deprived

When you don’t get the sleep you need, you won't be at your best during waking hours.[1] This can result in unfortunate outcomes if there are misunderstandings. Arguments can result when you don't respond with your usual attentiveness and care to other people. This can happen at work, in social settings, during sports training, or when you’re a parent of a newborn. It’s important to control your temper so that you don’t end up saying or doing something you regret. It’s also useful to get to the root of your anger by identifying anger triggers. Then you’ll be able to handle situations more effectively, even if you’re tired.

Method 1
Method 1 of 5:

Taking Immediate Steps to Control Your Temper

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    Recognize physical signs. Anger can make you feel certain physical symptoms. No matter what the stress is, our bodies will automatically be ready to meet a threat. When the body is in stress mode, it goes into a fight-or-flight response that causes physical symptoms.[2] These can include:[3]
    • Tense muscles and clenched jaw
    • Your head or stomach hurts
    • Your heart is racing
    • You feel sweaty
    • Your face flushes
    • Your body or hands shake
    • You feel dizzy
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    Recognize the onset of emotional signs. Anger is often accompanied by a flood of other emotions.[4] After all, the amygdala, the center for emotions, is pumping out signals with all its might to meet a threat and ensure your survival. So it’s not surprising that you can get a flood of other related emotions. These emotions are capable of sounding the alarms for the fight and flight response.[5] Along with anger, you might feel:[6] [7]
    • Irritation
    • Sadness
    • Depression
    • Guilt
    • Resentment
    • Anxiousness
    • Defensiveness
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    Count to ten. If you feel yourself getting angry and are experiencing physical or emotional symptoms of anger, you can tell yourself that you don’t have to react right away. Counting can help you put off your feelings for the moment. It might feel a bit silly at first, but counting really can distract your long enough to calm down. Give yourself time to sort out your feelings.[8]
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    Breathe deeply.[9] Taking deep breaths can restore oxygen to your brain and calm the stress response that you’re experiencing.[10] [11] [12]
    • Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.
    • Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand).
    • Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer.
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    Get a change of scenery. If you feel your blood start to boil, take yourself out of the immediate environment. Take a walk. Deep breathe. If you are able to remove yourself from the situation, do it. Not having the stimulus in front of you, the thing or person you are mad at, will help you calm yourself down.[13]
    • If you can’t leave, then try turning your back for a few minutes and closing your eyes.[14]
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    Try thinking of something humorous. If you can get yourself laughing, you can change the chemical reaction in your body. You can use your brain and imagination to create all sorts of ridiculous situations that can get you laughing, especially if it isn’t mean-spirited or sarcastic humor.[15]
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    Let people know that you are tired. When you are tired and in a bad mood, you can lose your temper more quickly. Let people know that you’d appreciate if they would give you a wide birth today.[16]
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    Avoid situations that make you angry. If you are already feeling short-tempered, don’t put yourself in a situation that will undoubtedly bring out your temper in full force. If you get angry about the morning traffic, try working from home or taking public transit. If you know your child will only eat cheese sandwiches, don’t fight over feeding him vegetables today.[17]
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    Take a rest. If you are able to, taking a short rest will help restore balance to your mood. Even getting a 30-minute catnap will help you feel more alert and less prone to temper flares.[18]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 5:

Tracking Sleep Deprivation

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    Track your sleep symptoms. If you have a sleep disorder such as sleep deprivation, you may experience certain symptoms. If you experience any of these signs for three or more nights per week, you should talk with your doctor:[19]
    • You have trouble falling asleep at night (it may take you 30 minutes or more).
    • You wake up during the night frequently and can’t get back to sleep.
    • You wake up too early in the morning.
    • You don’t feel well rested in the morning, no matter how much sleep you get.
    • You feel sleepy during the day.
    • You fall asleep unexpectedly during the day.
    • You snore or snort in your sleep, your breathing stops for short periods of time, or your body jerks when you’re sleeping.
    • You have tingly or creeping feelings in your legs in the evenings before bed that go away if you massage them.
    • Your muscles feel suddenly weak when you are angry, fearful or laughing.
    • You feel like you can’t move when you wake up.
    • You always need caffeine to wake up and to stay awake during the day.
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    Keep track of your sleep patterns. Write down when you go to sleep and when you get up. Make note in the morning if you were awake during the night. Keep track for at a couple of weeks so that you can see your sleep patterns.[20]
    • Also track how you feel in the morning when you wake up (Do you feel rested? Sleepy? Groggy?). Track how you feel throughout the day.
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    Ask your sleep partner if you snore in your sleep. Take note of other things that happen in your sleep, such as snoring, snorting, gasping, or making involuntary movements. If you don’t have a sleep partner, you might consider videotaping yourself sleep for a couple of nights so that you can see if there is anything else going on.[21]
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    Visit a sleep lab. You can also go to a sleep lab, which will monitor your sleep cycle overnight. You will have electrodes or other monitors attached to your scalp, face, chest, limbs and fingers. Your breathing, oxygen levels and heart rate will be tracked during the sleep test.[22]
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    Talk with your doctor about possible causes. Many cases of sleep deprivation are caused by certain issues. These can include aging, pregnancy, menopause, psychiatric disorders (for example, schizophrenia and depression), or chronic illnesses (for example, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis).[23]
    • Talk with your doctor if you are concerned about these conditions.
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    Look at external factors and habits. Your sleep can be interrupted because of various external factors that may be difficult to control. These might be: having a newborn infant, stress, drinking caffeine late in the day, exercising in the evening, and so on.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 5:

Understanding Your Anger

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    Rate your anger. Rating your anger can help you realize what type of events make you angry and the degree they make you angry. Some events might cause mild irritation, while others might trigger you wanting to blow your top.[24]
    • You don’t really need an official anger scale. You can make your own, for instance, on a scale of one to ten, or zero to one hundred. You can use what works with you.
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    Keep an anger journal. Your anger journal will help you keep track of what events anger you. You can also track the degree to which they anger you, as well as the surrounding events that preceded your anger or occurred during your anger. Monitor how you react when you’re angry, along with other people’s reactions to you. When you record in your journal, you can make the following observations:[25] [26]
    • What provoked the anger?
    • Rate your anger.
    • What thoughts occurred as you got angry?
    • How did you react? How did others react to you?
    • What was your mood right before it happened?
    • What symptoms of anger did you feel in your body?
    • Did you want to leave, or did you want to act out, such as bang the door or hit something or someone, or did you say something sarcastic?
    • What were your emotions immediately after the incident?
    • What were your feelings a few hours after the episode?
    • Was the episode resolved?
    • Keeping track of this information will help you learn what situations and triggers you are sensitive to. Then you can avoid those situations when possible, or predict when these situations occur if they are unavoidable.
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    Identify your anger triggers. A trigger is something that happens or that you experience that brings on an emotion or a memory. Some common triggers for anger are:[27]
    • Not being able to control other’s actions
    • Having other people fail to meet your expectations.
    • Not being able to control daily events, such as traffic.
    • Someone trying to manipulate you.
    • Getting mad at yourself for a mistake.
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    Understand the possible effects of sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation can mount up over a series of poor nights of sleep or can be caused by not getting sleep for one night. Your metabolism, age, personal willpower and other personal makeup will all determine how you respond to sleep deprivation. The following effects can all contribute to your difficulty in keeping your temper in check:[28]
    • Increased susceptibility to accidents (due to poor coordination and sleepiness)
    • Increased susceptibility to colds
    • Rapid aging
    • Emotional problems (loss of control, anxiety, panic, depression)
    • Irritability, moodiness, reduced ability to cope with stress
    • Poor judgment skills, poor concentration, and inability to make decisions
    • Long-term effects of sleep deprivation may include obesity, heart disease, or diabetes.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 5:

Expressing Anger in Healthy Ways

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    Communicate assertively. There are three styles of expressing anger. Two expression styles, “passive” and “aggressive,” are not healthy ways to express your anger. The third style, “assertive,” is the most constructive way to express your anger. Assertive communication emphasizes that both people’s needs are important.[29] To communicate assertively, give the facts without making accusations. Here is an example:
    • “I was hurt and angry because it seems like you were belittling my project when you laughed during my presentation. I don’t know what was going on, but it seems like you weren’t paying attention or taking my hard work seriously. I could have just misunderstood what was going on. Can we talk and work this out?”
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    Be respectful. Your communications should convey requests rather than demands. In order to get respect, you have to give it. Then you will foster cooperation and reciprocal respect. This is the opposite of what happens with anger. Aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive communications put you at odds with others. Respectful communications might include:
    • “When you have the time, could you…”
    • “It would be a great help if you… Thanks, I appreciate it!”
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    Make your communications clear. If you hem and haw, or you make general statements that are not specific, it can only mean frustration for everyone involved. When you communicate assertively, you should directly address the person with whom you need to resolve your issue. Make it clear what you would like to see happen. Don’t forget to put this communication in the form of a request.
    • For instance, if your coworker is speaking loudly on the phone and it’s difficult for you to do your work, you can state your request like this: “I have a request. Would you please lower the volume of your voice on the telephone? It’s making it very difficult to concentrate on my work. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.”
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    Express your feelings. When you figure out how you’re feeling, convey the real feeling, like hurt, and keep judgment statements out of it. Instead of saying, “I feel that you are an insensitive bore,” stick to things that pertain to you. For example, you can say, “I feel that you are not being sensitive to my feelings when you read your paper instead of listen to what I’m trying to say.”
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Method 5
Method 5 of 5:

Trying Long-Term Strategies

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    Have good sleep habits.[30] When you are sleep deprived, your emotions are harder to control. One study showed that with only a few nights of disrupted sleep for teenage girls, their negative feelings increased as well as their anger. Getting a good night’s sleep helps people regulate their emotions.[31] [32]
    • Try to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time each morning. Your body will benefit from a regular sleep schedule.
    • Turn off all screens (TV, phone, computer) at least a half-hour before you go to bed. Studies show that your brain is cognitively stimulated by electronic screens, which can interrupt good sleep.[33]
    • If you have trouble getting solid sleep, talk with your doctor to see if there are other strategies you can try.
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    Build up extra sleep. If you know you are going into a situation where you won’t get a lot of sleep, try to get extra sleep beforehand. You may be able to counteract some of the negative effects of sleep deprivation, like moodiness.[34]
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    Try meditation.[35] Meditation has been shown to be effective in emotional regulation.This relaxation practice has been shown to have a longer lasting effect on the amygdala, the center for emotion and the part of the brain where the stress response begins after a stressful or threatening event has been perceived.[36]
    • Start with deep breathing exercises. Find a quiet place to sit. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand). Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer.[37]
    • If you feel like you have trouble meditating, don’t worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, visualization, and performing mental tasks, but if you feel like it’s difficult for you to sit long enough to meditate or if you feel uncomfortable meditating, you can just begin with simply deep breathing, and you can initiate your body’s calming response.[38]
    • When you are calm, practicing meditation will help you process your emotions in a healthier way. You can combine breathing with visualization tasks. A simple way to do this is when you breathe in, envision a golden-white light that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Envision this white light spreading into your lungs and throughout your entire body. When you breathe out, breathe out muddy, dark colors which represent your angry, stressed-out feelings.
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    Try progressive muscle relaxation.[39] Progressive muscle relaxation is the process of tensing and relaxing your entire body in progressive stages. It is thought that by tensing your muscles yourself, it will help release pent-up tension in your body. Here is an overview of this method:[40]
    • Start with a few deep breaths. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four.
    • Start with the muscles in your head and face. Tighten as many muscles as you can in your face, head, mouth, and neck, and hold for twenty seconds, then release.
    • Work your way down the body, tensing and releasing your shoulders, arms, back, hands, stomach, legs, feet, and toes.
    • Now wiggle your toes around, feeling the relaxation from your toes to your head.
    • Take a few more deep breaths and enjoy the feeling of relaxation.
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    Get regular exercise. Exercise can help dissipate anger. For adults and children, research shows that exercise helps with mood regulation and controlling emotions.[41] Try going out and exercising when you’re in a mad moment or use it daily to release aggression.
    • Exercise will also help you sleep better.[42]
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    Take an anger management class. Anger management programs have been shown to have a high rate of success.[43] The most successful programs help you understand your anger, give you short-term strategies to deal with your anger, and help you build skills.
    • There are a wide variety of types of anger management programs.[44] For example, there are anger management programs available for teens, executives, police officers, and other populations of people who might be experiencing different types of anger for different reasons.
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    Try therapy. If you feel like you are unable to get control over your temper, you may want to try therapy as a way to deal with your anger.[45] Your therapist will most likely use relaxation techniques to help you calm down in the middle of an anger episode. Your therapist will also help you deal with the thoughts that can trigger anger and find new ways to view your situations.
    • Talk to your therapist about emotional coping skills and assertiveness communication training.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What are some symptoms of sleep deprivation?
    Marc Kayem, MD
    Marc Kayem, MD
    Sleep Specialist
    Dr. Marc Kayem is a board certified Otolaryngologist and Facial Plastic Surgeon based in Beverly Hills, California. He practices and specializes in cosmetic services and sleep-related disorders. He received his Doctorate in Medicine from the University of Ottawa, is board certified by the American Board of Otolaryngology, and is a Fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons of Canada.
    Marc Kayem, MD
    Marc Kayem, MD
    Sleep Specialist
    Expert Answer
    If you don't get enough sleep, you may have trouble focusing and performing regular tasks. You may also have irritability and delayed reaction times.
  • Question
    how can I stop being irritable when I feel tired?
    Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
    Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
    Integrative Internist
    Dr. Sari Eitches is an Integrative Internist who runs Tower Integrative Health and Wellness, based in Los Angeles, California. She specializes in plant-based nutrition, weight management, women's health, preventative medicine, and depression. She is a Diplomate of the American Board of Internal Medicine and the American Board of Integrative and Holistic Medicine. She received a BS from the University of California, Berkeley, an MD from SUNY Upstate Medical University, and an MBE from the University of Pennsylvania. She completed her residency at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York, NY and served as an attending internist at the University of Pennsylvania.
    Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
    Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
    Integrative Internist
    Expert Answer
    Try your best to get as much rest at night as you can so you're less likely to feel irritable. Make your your room cool and dark, and avoid using technology for 30 minutes before falling asleep.
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References

  1. ↑ https://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/need-sleep/whats-in-it-for-you/mood
  2. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response
  3. ↑ https://www.veterantraining.va.gov/apps/aims/documents/CommonWarningSigns.pdf
  4. ↑ https://www.veterantraining.va.gov/apps/aims/documents/CommonWarningSigns.pdf
  5. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2017/october/fear
  6. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/
  7. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/
  8. ↑ https://digest.bps.org.uk/2016/02/02/scientific-evidence-that-counting-to-10-helps-control-anger-sometimes/
  9. ↑ Sari Eitches, MBE, MD. Integrative Internist. Expert Interview. 3 April 2020.
  1. ↑ https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2255
  2. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
  3. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/breathing_exercises_0.pdf
  4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
  5. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_41.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
  7. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
  8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
  9. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150629111059.htm
  10. ↑ http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer12/articles/summer12pg16.html
  11. ↑ http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer12/articles/summer12pg18.html
  12. ↑ http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer12/articles/summer12pg18.html
  13. ↑ http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/summer12/articles/summer12pg18.html
  14. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/11429-common-sleep-disorders
  15. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/from-irritated-to-enraged-angers-toxic-effect-on-the-heart
  16. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/11/3-ways-to-better-understand-your-emotions
  17. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/anger/diary-and-triggers/
  18. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20048149
  19. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-effects-of-sleep-deprivation
  20. ↑ https://yourlifecounts.org/learning-center/aggression/dealing-with-anger-types-of-anger/#
  21. ↑ Sari Eitches, MBE, MD. Integrative Internist. Expert Interview. 3 April 2020.
  22. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/Mood-and-sleep
  23. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html
  24. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/power-down-better-sleep
  25. ↑ http://www.aasmnet.org/resources/factsheets/sleepdeprivation.pdf
  26. ↑ Sari Eitches, MBE, MD. Integrative Internist. Expert Interview. 3 April 2020.
  27. ↑ http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
  28. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/breathing_exercises_0.pdf
  29. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/compassion_meditation
  30. ↑ Sari Eitches, MBE, MD. Integrative Internist. Expert Interview. 3 April 2020.
  31. ↑ https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2225
  32. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/12/exercise
  33. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/exercising-for-better-sleep
  34. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognize-anger.aspx
  35. ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/anger-management/treatment/
  36. ↑ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx

About This Article

Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
Co-authored by:
Sari Eitches, MBE, MD
Integrative Internist
This article was co-authored by Sari Eitches, MBE, MD. Dr. Sari Eitches is an Integrative Internist who runs Tower Integrative Health and Wellness, based in Los Angeles, California. She specializes in plant-based nutrition, weight management, women's health, preventative medicine, and depression. She is a Diplomate of the American Board of Internal Medicine and the American Board of Integrative and Holistic Medicine. She received a BS from the University of California, Berkeley, an MD from SUNY Upstate Medical University, and an MBE from the University of Pennsylvania. She completed her residency at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York, NY and served as an attending internist at the University of Pennsylvania. This article has been viewed 149,487 times.
1 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 16
Updated: October 11, 2021
Views: 149,487
Categories: Featured Articles | Anger Management | Sleep Deprivation

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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