How to Care for the Elderly

Co-authored by Justin Barnes and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: February 26, 2023 References Approved

If you’re concerned about whether an elderly relative or loved one is having trouble caring for themselves, it may be time to step in and offer some help. Before you start helping your loved one, take time to assess their needs. They may need assistance caring for their medical needs, or perhaps they could benefit from extra support during their day-to-day activities. If you aren’t able to care for them yourself, look for resources in your area such as assisted living facilities or in-home care services. Being a caregiver is challenging, so make sure to take time for your own needs as well!

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Providing Home Care

1
Work with your relative to assess their needs. Before you can provide care for an elderly person, you need to figure out what kind of care would benefit them the most. Depending on their overall health and how well they can manage day-to-day tasks, they may need anything from occasional help to constant support. Talk to them, spend time observing them, and work with their healthcare providers to determine their needs.^{[1]
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- Consider whether your loved one has difficulty managing basic activities, such as feeding themselves, moving around their home, getting dressed, or taking care of their hygiene. If so, they may need home support from you or a professional caregiver.
- If they are still able to do most of their basic daily activities without help, you may only need to provide occasional support. For example, you might offer to come over once a week to help with errands or household chores.
2
Keep them involved in their care decisions as much as possible. If your loved one feels that other people are making all their choices for them, they may be more resistant to receiving help. To help them feel more independent and in control of their situation, include them in all conversations and decisions about their care. Communicate openly and honestly with them and ask them for their input and opinions about any options you are considering.
- For example, you might say, “It seems like you’re having some trouble keeping up with the housework these days, Dad. Do you think it would help if I came over every couple of days to help out?”
- Listen actively to anything they have to say about their needs or their feelings about the care options you are considering. If they have any objections, hear them out completely without being dismissive or minimizing their concerns.
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3
Install safety features in the home. Whether your loved one is still living independently, is staying with you, or has live-in support, you can help them by making their home environment safer and more accessible. Get advice from a doctor, an elder care specialist, or a physical or occupational therapist about the kinds of modifications that would benefit your loved one the most.^{[2]
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- Grab bars or railings installed in bathrooms, hallways, and other living areas
- Shower seats or elevated toilet seats
- Ramps or stair climbers
- Non-slip surfaces on stairs, on floors, and in showers
- Improved lighting in dim areas of the home
- Anti-scalding devices in showers and sinks
4
Help your loved one stay active. The CDC recommends that older adults get at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week.^{[3]
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Health.gov
Online collection of health and fitness standards set by the U.S. Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion
Go to source} To help keep your loved one healthy and happy, encourage them to incorporate manageable levels of physical activity into their daily lives.
- Talk to their doctor or a physical therapist about what types and amount of physical activity they can do safely. For example, if your loved one has osteoarthritis, they may need to stick to gentle, joint-friendly activities such as swimming, stationary cycling, or light yoga.
- Those who are unable to exercise independently can still benefit from being active. Passive Range of Motion (ROM) exercises can help elderly people maintain joint mobility, for example. These exercises involve moving the person’s limbs for them to help limber up their joints. Ask a doctor or physical therapist to show you how to do these exercises correctly.^{[4]
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- Look for enjoyable activities that you can do together, like going on nature walks or working in the garden.
5
Stay involved in their medical care. Most older adults deal with a variety of age-related illnesses and health conditions. To ensure that your loved one gets the best possible care, talk to them and their health care team to familiarize yourself with the specific issues they are dealing with. Keep an eye out for any new or worsening symptoms and make sure they seek medical attention if you notice any changes in their condition.^{[5]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Familiarize yourself with any medications they take so that you can be aware of possible interactions or side effects. If they have trouble remembering to take their medications, look for ways to help them stay organized, such as using a pill sorter or calling regularly to remind them.^{[6]
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  National Health Service (UK)
  Public healthcare system of the UK
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- Watch for common warning signs of a possible health problem, such as forgetfulness or confusion, falling or lack of coordination, weight loss or changes in appetite, or changes in mood or behavior.
- Emotional problems are also common in older adults. Look out for signs of depression or anxiety, such as irritability, sadness, lack of energy, or loss of interest in things they used to enjoy.
6
Encourage them to socialize. Older adults who spend time with friends stay physically, emotionally, and mentally healthier than those who don’t. Urge your loved one to socialize as much as possible, even if it’s just chatting on the phone with a friend.^{[7]
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- If they don’t have much of a social network, you might suggest taking classes or participating in other activities where they can meet people, such as dances or book club meetings.
- Many older people benefit from spending time with their grandchildren. If you’re caring for an elderly parent and you have kids, try asking them to babysit or do other fun activities with the children, like playing board games or reading books.
7
Offer to help with chores and errands. As people age, it can become more difficult for them to manage day-to-day tasks like cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Talk to your loved one about what you can do to help them meet these needs.^{[8]
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- For example, you might sit down with them once a week to write up a grocery list, then go to the store and get what they need.
- If they have a hard time driving, offer to give them rides to medical appointments, the store, or other places they need to go regularly.
8
Talk to them about their finances. There are a lot of expenses and financial difficulties associated with aging, from dealing with medical bills to covering the costs of safety upgrades in the home. If your elderly relative is retired, they may need additional financial support to cover their expenses. Talk to them about what financial resources they have (such as pensions or retirement savings) and develop a plan to help them out if necessary.^{[9]
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- For example, if they want to continue living at home but can’t afford their current rent or mortgage, you might discuss helping them find a smaller apartment or condo that fits within their budget.
- They may also qualify for government assistance programs to help them cover costs such as heating bills or prescription medications.
Warning: The elderly are particularly vulnerable to scams, so make sure to discuss these and protect them. Get a credit report check at least once a year to make sure no one has stolen their identity.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Caring for an Elderly Person in the Hospital

1
Ask the hospital staff questions about their care. Having an elderly loved one in the hospital can be scary and overwhelming. You’ll feel calmer and be in a better position to help them if you understand their condition and what their treatment options are. Prepare a list of questions to ask their medical care team, such as:^{[10]
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- “How long will they need to be hospitalized?”
- “What are the treatment options for their condition?”
- “What are the risks and benefits of this treatment?”
- “What are you doing to manage their pain and discomfort?”
- “What’s the recovery period going to be like?”
Tip: Be prepared to answer questions, too. Depending on their condition, it may be hard for your elderly loved one to answer important questions about their symptoms, health history, or medications they are currently taking.
2
Talk to your loved one about their treatment wishes. It’s important to keep your elderly loved one involved in any major decisions about their treatment as much as possible. Discuss the possible treatment options with them if their condition allows it. If not, try to follow their wishes to the best of your ability.^{[11]
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- For example, if you know that they want to avoid surgery, ask their doctor about less invasive treatment options.
- Try to have a discussion with your loved one about their wishes while they’re well so that you know what to do in case they have to be hospitalized.
3
Advocate for them if their needs aren’t being met. Your elderly loved one may have a hard time speaking up for themselves if they’re very ill or have communication challenges. If you don’t think they’re getting the care they need, don’t be afraid to speak up for them. Be assertive about asking questions or letting their care team know if they need help.^{[12]
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- Make sure they are receiving their medications in a timely manner.
- Follow up on the results of medical tests.
- Talk to different members of their care team to make sure everyone is on the same page about their treatment plan.
- Ask for clarification if you or your loved one don’t understand any aspect of their treatment.
4
Bring them any supplies they need. To help your loved one stay comfortable while they’re in the hospital, pack a bag with anything they might need from home. Make sure to include items such as:^{[13]
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- Warm, comfortable clothing, such as a few loose-fitting sweaters and soft sweatpants
- Non-skid socks or slippers
- Personal care items and toiletries, such as their hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, glasses case, or dentures
- A soft, comfortable pillow
- A list of their medications
- Entertainment items, like some favorite books, magazines, or DVDs
- A few homey items, such as a framed photograph, a vase of flowers, or their favorite bathrobe
5
Visit them frequently. To prevent your loved one from feeling alone and to make sure they’re getting the care they need, stop by as often as you can. Try to be around during times when you know they might feel lonely or distressed, such as during mealtimes or when they have to have tests or medical procedures done.^{[14]
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- Encourage other family members and friends to visit as well. Not only will this help your loved one feel supported and cared for, but it will also take some of the pressure off of you.
6
Take care of any important paperwork. There’s always some red tape involved in a hospital stay. If possible, find out if your loved one has a health care directive (such as a living will, health care proxy, or power of attorney) and find the relevant documents. You may also need to sign consent forms or other hospital paperwork if your loved one can’t do so themselves.^{[15]
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- Keep track of any critical documents you receive related to your loved one’s hospital stay, such as bills, care and discharge instructions, and explanation of benefits statements.
7
Make a hospital discharge plan. Before your loved one leaves the hospital, have a conversation with their care team about what kind of care they will need going forward. Make sure that you have information such as:^{[16]
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- Dosage and timing instructions for any medications they need to take
- Any special home care techniques you may need to know, such as changing wound dressings, caring for feeding tubes or catheters, or moving your loved one safely from one location to another in the home
- Numbers to call in case you have questions or concerns about their condition after discharge
- Information about what to expect during the recovery period

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Finding Elder Care Resources

1
Ask their doctor to recommend a home healthcare provider. If you determine that your loved one needs in-home medical care, their doctor may be able to recommend a reputable provider. They may also be able to prescribe specific in-home services (such as physical therapy or nursing), which can make it easier to get insurance coverage for this type of care.^{[17]
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- You can also contact your loved one’s insurance company or your local health and human services office to find out about providers in your area and how to cover associated expenses.
- If your relative needs help with daily activities but doesn’t need around-the-clock medical care, look into hiring an in-home care provider who can help them with things like housecleaning, cooking, dressing, and bathing. This can be a great help if you don’t have the time or resources to assist your loved one throughout the day.
2
Research nursing homes if home care isn’t an option. Sometimes it isn’t practical or affordable for an elderly person to live in their own or a relative’s home. If you don’t think your loved one can live independently and you’re unable to provide the home care they need, look into nursing homes or other residential care options in your area.^{[18]
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- People with a lot of medical issues can benefit from staying in a nursing home, which has nurses and doctors on staff.
- Alternatively, if your loved one needs help with daily activities but doesn’t need daily nursing care, an assisted living facility may be a good option.
- If you live in the U.S., you can use LeadingAge’s member directory to find reputable elder care facilities and services in your area.^{[19]
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- When choosing a facility, talk to the staff as well as the residents if possible to get a sense of what services they provide and whether the facility will meet your loved one’s needs.^{[20]
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3
Search for financial assistance programs in your area. If you’re having trouble covering the costs of care for your loved one, you may be able to get help. Depending on their needs, you may be able to get funding to cover expenses such as medical bills, housing expenses, utilities, tuition for continuing education, or food costs. Do a search online for benefits available in your area.^{[21]
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- If you live in the U.S., visit https://www.benefitscheckup.org to find benefits that your loved one may qualify for.
- You may also be eligible for tax benefits if you are caring for an elderly relative.
4
Look for programs that provide meals and other services to the elderly. In addition to financial help, there are a variety of programs and services that can help meet other needs for seniors. For example, your community may offer resources such as free meals delivered to your loved one’s home, assistance with home repairs or home safety renovations, or free or affordable legal assistance for seniors.^{[22]
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- Your local government website may have information about resources and services available to elders in your area.
- Do a search using terms like “resources for seniors near me.”
5
Find a support group if you need emotional support and advice. Caring for an elderly relative can be challenging. If you need additional support or advice from other people who are in a similar situation, a support group can be very helpful. Do a search for caregiver support groups near you, or use a database like one of the following:^{[23]
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- The AARP’s Community Resource Finder: https://www.communityresourcefinder.org
- The Eldercare Locator: https://eldercare.acl.gov
6
Hire a geriatric care manager to help you make good decisions. A geriatric care manager is someone who specializes in evaluating the needs of elderly people. If you’re not sure what kind of help or resources your loved one might benefit from, a geriatric care manager can help. Check with your local government’s agency on aging to find out about geriatric care management services in your area.^{[24]
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- The Aging Life Care Association is an organization for professional geriatric care managers. They can help you connect with someone who can advise you on care options for your loved one. Use their member database to find professionals in your area.^{[25]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Dealing with Challenges

1
Be prepared for resistance from your loved one. Many elderly people want to remain independent for as long as possible, and they may resent your efforts to try to care for them or connect them with eldercare resources. If this happens, try to be patient and empathetic. Take time to discuss your concerns with your loved one in a respectful and open-minded way, and do your best to take their preferences into account.
- Sit down with them when you are both calm and relaxed to have an open and honest conversation about their needs.
- If necessary, bring in other family members to talk to them as well. If you have support from the rest of your family, it may be easier to convince your relative that they need the extra help. It may also help to get input from their doctor.
- Once you come up with a care strategy, try suggesting a trial run. Your loved one may be more willing to accept your care if they understand that the arrangement isn’t set in stone and can be changed if it isn’t working for them.
EXPERT TIP

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist

Our Expert Agrees: Whether you're choosing a facility or in-home care, there's going to be a drastic change in privacy for your loved one. It's best if you can have the conversation early, so the person has plenty of time to ease into the idea.
2
Ask their doctor for advice if they have communication challenges. Many older people have a difficult time communicating, either because of cognitive changes or due to physical health problems, such as hearing impairments. If you have a hard time communicating with your loved one, ask their doctor to recommend resources that can help.^{[26]
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National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source}
- For example, if they have difficulty hearing you, talk to their doctor about whether hearing aids might help. You could also look into sign language training programs for you and your loved one if they have profound hearing loss.
- If your loved one has difficulty speaking, ask their doctor to recommend a speech-language pathologist who can work with them on developing new communication skills.
- Doctors and other healthcare specialists who are experienced in working with elderly patients may have special training in dealing with communication issues.^{[27]
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3
Reach out to family and friends for support. Caring for an elderly relative alone can be overwhelming. If you need help, don’t hesitate to lean on your support network. Talk to family and friends about how they can help.^{[28]
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- For example, you might ask one of your siblings if they can take turns helping out with grocery shopping or household chores.
- Sometimes it can also be helpful to have someone to vent to. Even if a friend or relative can’t offer practical support, they might be able to lend a sympathetic ear when you need it.
- When asking for help, keep that person’s specific skills and resources in mind. For example, if your aunt loves to cook, you could ask her to help prepare meals from your grandmother occasionally.
4
Practice self-care to prevent caregiver burnout. You won’t be able to care for your loved one if you aren’t taking proper care of yourself. Make sure you take time to eat good meals, care for your own health, and do things that you enjoy, such as working on hobbies or spending time with friends.^{[29]
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- If you’re having trouble finding the time to care for yourself, ask a relative or friend to step in for a while so you can get a break. For example, you might ask your brother to stay with your mom for the evening so you can go out with friends.
- If you need a longer break, you may be able to find respite care services in your area. If you can’t afford to pay for respite care, do a search for community-based volunteer groups near you.^{[30]
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Expert Q&A
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Question

What do I need to give a caregiver before hiring them?

Lauren Chan Lee, MBA
Product Leader, Care.com
Lauren Chan Lee is Senior Director of Product Management at Care.com, the largest online marketplace for finding and managing family care. She has worked in product management for over 10 years across a variety of specialties and areas. She received her MBA from Northwestern University in 2009.

Lauren Chan Lee, MBA

Product Leader, Care.com

Expert Answer

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Well, a schedule is really important. The caregiver needs to know when they're supposed to show up for work obviously. On top of that, I think it helps to give them the details of the routine for the person they're caring for. So if the caregiver is watching a kid, it helps for them to know when the child's nap time is, what they like to eat for a snack, and what they are or aren't allowed to watch on the TV. Things like that can be really helpful for a caregiver.
Question

What can I do when my elderly mom depends totally on me to do everything? How far do I go in doing things for her?

Sarah Gehrke, RN, MS
Registered Nurse
Sarah Gehrke is a Registered Nurse and Licensed Massage Therapist in Texas. Sarah has over 10 years of experience teaching and practicing phlebotomy and intravenous (IV) therapy using physical, psychological, and emotional support. She received her Massage Therapist License from the Amarillo Massage Therapy Institute in 2008 and a M.S. in Nursing from the University of Phoenix in 2013.

Sarah Gehrke, RN, MS

Registered Nurse

Expert Answer

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The effects of care giving can affect your own health and well-being. Evaluate your own health and stress levels when determining how much assistance you can offer. Caregivers of parents often report the following: sleep deprivation, poor eating habits, failure to exercise, failure to stay in bed when ill, and postponement of or failure to make medical appointments for themselves. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others, which is often forgotten!
Question

How does one live with an elderly person?

Sarah Gehrke, RN, MS
Registered Nurse
Sarah Gehrke is a Registered Nurse and Licensed Massage Therapist in Texas. Sarah has over 10 years of experience teaching and practicing phlebotomy and intravenous (IV) therapy using physical, psychological, and emotional support. She received her Massage Therapist License from the Amarillo Massage Therapy Institute in 2008 and a M.S. in Nursing from the University of Phoenix in 2013.

Sarah Gehrke, RN, MS

Registered Nurse

Expert Answer

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Living with an elderly person may be challenging for everyone involved, but it also can be rewarding. The number one thing to remember is to create a positive, safe, and caring environment. Communication is essential to any communal living situation; therefore, remain open, yet allow the elder their privacy. Here is a good guide to follow: http://www.wikihow.com/Live-with-an-Elderly-Person

Warnings

Monitor their mental well-being as well as their health because the elderly often suffer from mental illnesses such as depression.

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If you see any signs of dangerous behavior or medical emergencies, call emergency services right away!

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The elderly are especially vulnerable to abuse. Elder abuse is a serious problem—it is illegal and can include physical abuse, but also verbal and emotional abuse, exploitation, and neglect.

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