How to Politely Cancel Plans over Text

Co-authored by Judith Gottesman, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: January 26, 2022 References

We all know the feeling: you made plans with a friend, but now that it’s almost time to leave the house, you just don’t have the energy. Or, maybe something else came up, and you actually can’t make it. Whatever the case is, cancelling plans, even over text, can be a little nerve wracking—but with a few well-placed compliments and a little honesty, you can gracefully bow out without feeling guilty.

1

Text them as soon as possible.

That way, your friend can rearrange their schedule without too much fuss. If you know you’re not going to be able to make it or you’re just not feeling it, try to text at least a day ahead of time.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} Otherwise, your friend might be bummed about the inconvenience, especially if they set aside time specifically to see you.^{[2]
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- If there’s an emergency and you have to cancel plans at the last minute, that’s totally fine. Otherwise, you should try to cancel well ahead of time.

2

Start with a positive.

Tell your friend how much you’re looking forward to seeing them. When you start with something nice, it lets your friend know that you really do love and appreciate them, and that cancelling your plans together isn’t a personal attack. And, if you’re cancelling a date with someone, it lets them know that you still want to see them in a romantic way. You might write something like:^{[3]
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Amber Rosenberg, PCC
Pacific Life Coach
Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.}
- “Hey Amber! I was really looking forward to seeing you and catching up.”
- “Hi Fred! Super excited to hear about what you’ve been up to.”
- “Hey Alison! Really pumped to meet up and get to know you more.”

3

Be honest about your situation.

There’s no need to lie to a friend about what’s going on. If you’ve encountered a snag in your schedule, you just need to tell them what it is and why you can’t make it. Your friend will be much more understanding if they can tell you’re telling the truth. Say something like:^{[4]
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Expert Source

Lynda Jean
Certified Image Consultant
Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.}
- “I ran into an issue at work, and it looks like I’m going to be here a while.”
- “I’m dealing with some family problems, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to meet up tomorrow.”

4

Let them know if you’re just in a bad mood.

Sometimes you want to cancel plans because you just aren’t feeling it, and that’s okay. If you get out of bed in the morning and realize that all you want to do is sit on the couch and eat ice cream, let your friend know. Everyone has those days, and true friends will definitely understand where you’re coming from. You could say something like:^{[5]
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- “To be honest, I’m not feeling my best today, and I don’t think I’d be much fun to hang out with.”
- “I’ve had a super long week at work, and I’m just feeling really tired today.”

5

Offer up an alternative plan if you’re just feeling tired.

Maybe you can do something a little more low-key instead. If your friend wanted to go out clubbing but you’re feeling more of a chill vibe, invite them over to watch a movie at home instead. Or, if you’re really not feeling up to seeing people, ask them if they’d like to chat via phone call or video call. There are still ways you can catch up with a friend, even if you don’t feel like leaving the house!^{[6]
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- Giving an alternative shows that you still want to hang with your friend, but you just aren’t up for the original idea right now.

6

Ask if you can reschedule if you can’t make it.

Be specific about a new day and time, too. Instead of just saying, “Let’s hang out soon!” pick a new date, time, and place so your friend knows that you’re serious. Rescheduling can take some of the sting out of a cancelled plan, and it shows that you aren’t just blowing your friend off. Try to include this in your original message so they know what you’re doing right away, and make sure it’s a plan you can stick to so you don’t have to cancel again. For instance, you could say something like:^{[7]
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- “Hey Jessica! Thanks for inviting me out to lunch. Unfortunately, something came up and I can’t make it today, but I’d still love to see you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”
- “Hey Jason! I really appreciate the invite to your party. I’m not feeling my best, but if you’re available next week, I’d love to catch up over coffee. How does Tuesday after work sound?”
- “Hi Maria! I’m really sorry to reschedule our date, but I’m dealing with an issue at work. Can we move it to tomorrow night instead? Drinks are on me!”

7

Thank them for inviting you out.

Add in one more nice thing to make a compliment sandwich. After you tell your friend that you have to cancel or reschedule, let them know how much you appreciate them making plans with you. This will reassure your friend that you love spending time with them, and it can even help you feel less guilty, too. Try something like:^{[8]
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Expert Source

Amber Rosenberg, PCC
Pacific Life Coach
Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.}
- “Thanks again for inviting me out. I always love to hear from you.”
- “It’s always a treat to see you! I love spending time with you.”

8

Apologize, but not too much.

Say that you’re sorry so your friend knows you feel bad. However, you don’t need to go overboard—things like, “I’m the worst!” or, “You probably hate me,” will only make your friend feel bad. Instead, offer up a sincere apology, like:^{[9]
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- “Really sorry to have to cancel on you! It won’t happen again.”
- “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how busy I would be!”

9

Express your disappointment.

Let your friend know that you really wanted to hang with them. By telling them how bummed you are, you’re letting them know that they’re important to you, and that you aren’t just brushing them off. They’re also probably feeling a little bit disappointed, so you two can relate with each other. Say something like:^{[10]
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- “I’m super bummed, I was really looking forward to seeing you.”
- “I’m so annoyed that I can’t see you later!”

10

Be sincere, and try not to joke around.

You might think it will help lighten the mood, but it can sound a little flippant. Saying things like, “You know me! Always canceling plans!” might make your friend feel worse, and it doesn’t sound like you feel very bad about it, either. Stick to sincerity and honesty, and try to remember that canceling on someone is an inconvenience for them.^{[11]
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11

Thank them for being flexible.

If your friend lets you reschedule, tell them you appreciate it. We’re all busy, and moving your plans around isn’t always super easy. Let your friend know that you’re grateful they could change up their plans for you, and that you understand it might be inconvenient. Say something like:^{[12]
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- “I know this isn’t ideal. Thanks so much for working around my schedule!”
- “Thank you for changing things up! You’re a lifesaver, seriously.”