How to Break the Routine in a Long Distance Relationship

Co-authored by John Keegan and Emily Liu

Last Updated: January 10, 2022 References

No matter how long you’ve been in a long distance relationship, you’re probably missing your partner a lot. It’s hard to feel close to them when they’re so far away, but no need to fear⁠—if you’re wondering how to break the routine, we’re right there with you⁠⁠. We know how important it is to find new ways to feel excited about your relationship⁠⁠, and we’ve put together some ideas for you to try!

Section 1 of 10:

Plan creative virtual dates.

Try something new and different for your next virtual date. There’s nothing wrong with defaulting to the tried-and-true, but spicing up your usual virtual dinner date or movie night could help shake things up if it’s starting to get predictable. Ultimately, what counts as creative will change depending what you and your partner normally tend to do⁠—as long as it’s something new and exciting, you’re set!^{[1]
X
Research source}
- For instance, do something silly like taking a personality test together, or something romantic like going virtual stargazing.
- If you’re both into music, make a playlist together, attend a virtual concert, or put on your own karaoke night.
- Go on a virtual vacation and explore a bucket list destination.
- Including friends on a virtual group date can be a fun way to switch things up!

Section 2 of 10:

Send an unexpected gift.

A surprise gift can make your partner’s day! You have lots of options⁠: go with something you already know they love, like their favorite book or a box of chocolates⁠—or the gift could be something small but thoughtful, like a trinket that made you think of them when you saw it.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- If your partner is sick, send a care package with things like tea or vitamins.
- If your gifts are usually more serious, like a handwritten love letter, shake things up (and make your partner laugh) by sending them a silly poem or funny meme.
- If it’s difficult for you to mail or ship physical items, send virtual gifts like a cute eCard or a subscription to a streaming service.

Section 3 of 10:

Learn something new together.

It keeps things fresh and provides a new way to bond. Don’t let the distance stop you from getting into an exciting new activity, and maybe even picking up some useful skills along the way. Instead of circling back to the same topics or conversations, you and your partner will get to try something new and bond through sharing the experience⁠!^{[3]
X
Research source}^{[4]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- For example, sign up for a virtual baking class together. Take pictures of your results and even make it a fun competition to see who does best.
- If both of you want to get into reading, start your own book club⁠—take turns picking out books and chat about what you loved (or hated)!^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- Set a new goal together, like learning a new language or losing weight by the end of the year.

Section 4 of 10:

Watch something new.

Exploring new content will give you more to talk about together. If you’re bored of rewatching the same things that the two of you always do, look for a movie or show that neither of you have seen before. The classics can be comforting, but exploring an entirely different genre or kind of video content can start exciting new conversations. You might even get hooked along the way!^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you always watch rom-coms, for instance, suggest an action movie instead.
- Pick out something random on Netflix and hit play, or give a random YouTube channel a chance.

Section 5 of 10:

Send each other voice memos.

Your partner will love hearing your voice, and vice versa. Voice memos are an excellent way to add variety to phone calling or texting, and they’re also great because you can save and listen to them again whenever you want. If you’re having a long day or are busy with work, a thoughtful voice message can really brighten your mood.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- You can record something simple but sweet, like saying “I was thinking about you today,” or something longer, like a passage from their favorite book.

Section 6 of 10:

Try growing plants together.

This can be a really fun and cute experience. It’s super heartwarming to witness your plants grow day by day as a result of your hard work, especially when you know your partner is seeing the same thing on their end. Plus, the plants create a visible sign of your relationship and love.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If your plants have flowers, you could press them to make keepsakes, or even mail them to each other.
- You could make it a friendly competition to see whose plant grows faster!

Section 7 of 10:

Play online drinking games.

You don't have to be in the same room to get tipsy together! Who says getting drunk on camera can’t still be fun? You'll have a great time and probably end up having some memorable late-night conversations.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Play Truth or Shots, Never Have I Ever, or even dare to start a round of Power Hour.
- You don’t even have to play a specific drinking game⁠—you could put on your favorite comedy, for example, and take a shot every time you can’t stop yourself from laughing.
- If you’re feeling something more lowkey, just kick back with your favorite drink⁠—wine, champagne, beer, anything goes!—and slowly get woozy with your partner.

Section 8 of 10:

Spice things up sexually.

Keep the spark alive with some long-distance sex hacks. Though you may be physically apart, there are still tons of fun ways to get each other excited through the screen⁠⁠—from classics like sexting and apps, to more innovative options like remote-controlled toys, kissing simulators, or even writing erotica for each other!^{[10]
X
Research source}
- When sexting your partner, try naming specific body parts, teasing or hinting about the fun you’re having, and providing descriptive visuals.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}

Section 9 of 10:

Make a surprise visit or meet them halfway.

Shake things up with an unplanned appearance! Though scheduled visits are important for staying in touch, sharing some more spontaneous time and hanging out freely can be a great way to mix things up and bring excitement into both of your lives.^{[12]
X
Research source}^{[13]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- For instance, if you live in the United States and your partner lives in Asia, you could spend a couple weeks in Europe together.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- Just make sure you’re aware of your partner’s schedule and pick an appropriate time. You wouldn’t want to drop in while they’re busy with work, or catch them off guard.
- Consider letting them know a couple days in advance if you’re worried about the timing. You’ll still keep some of the surprise aspect this way.
- A spontaneous plan meet up somewhere in between your respective cities can be fun, too! Enjoy the new environment, do a little sightseeing, and create some special memories.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

Section 10 of 10:

Start a reunion countdown.

Set up a visual reminder to track the remaining days. It might seem like forever until you’ll be reunited, but watching the number get smaller each day might make the waiting more bearable, and help you miss your partner just a little less⁠.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- There are lots of ways to do this⁠: download a customizable countdown app, change your phone’s lock screen each day to display the number, or mark each new number down on your calendar.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make him miss me badly?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Even though you can't touch each other, try finding a way to have satisfaction and intimacy, as it is important that both of you are feeling fulfilled in the time you’re apart. Make the other person feel like they have a life partner in you so that they miss you and want to be closer to you.
Question

How can I make my distant boyfriend love me more?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try setting up a day in which you’ll have a video call to talk during dinner or while watching a movie. You should try doing things together, like reading the same book. These kinds of things tend to make the couple grow closer, even while far apart.