How to Break Up with Someone Who Doesn't Have a Place to Stay

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

There’s no doubt about it: breakups are tough. They can be even more tough when your soon-to-be-ex doesn’t have any friends or family they can go stay with. If you’re thinking about breaking up with someone who doesn’t have anywhere to go, there are things you can do to make the breakup period just a little bit easier.

Here are 11 tips to help you break up with someone who has nowhere to go (without feeling guilty about it).

1

End the relationship as soon as possible.

Don’t drag it out for the sake of your partner. It’s not a good idea to put it off in the hopes that your partner gets the hint. As soon as you know you want to break up, sit your partner down and let it all out.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Making the decision to break up might leave you feeling guilty, but it’s better for both of you to break up if you aren’t happy in the relationship.

2

Break up in person.

It’s the polite thing to do. Avoid telling them over text or a phone call, and try to sit down in a private place to talk things out. Emotions are going to run high, and you don’t want to talk about a heavy topic like this around other people.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Your home is probably the best spot to do this.

3

Explain why you’re breaking up.

Give your partner a reasonable explanation for the breakup. Remember, there are tons of good reasons for breaking up, including the fact that you just aren’t in love with your partner anymore. Try to explain things calmly and clearly, and answer any questions that your partner might have.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might say, “I just don’t think I’m happy in this relationship anymore, and it’s not fair to you to stay in something I’m not committed to.”

4

Be kind as you break the news.

Breakups are tough for everyone. As you two talk, try not to get angry or yell at your ex-partner. You can comfort them if they get upset, but keep yourself slightly removed from the situation so you don’t get coerced into getting back together. Talk about how grateful you are for the time you’ve had together, and emphasize that there’s nothing they can do to get you two back together.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If they truly have nowhere to go, they might use that as a ploy to make you feel sorry for them. Remember that they’re an adult and they don’t need to rely on you to survive.
- Your partner might ask if there’s any way you two can stay together. If you’re dead set on breaking up, just tell them that you’ve made up your mind.

5

Give a deadline for moving out.

You can give them as much or as little time as you see fit. In general, it’s probably nice to give them 2 weeks to 1 month to move out. Let them know that you won’t kick them out right away so they have time to find somewhere else to go.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Any timeline longer than a month is probably too long. Try to keep it less than 4 weeks if possible.
- Try to think about how much stuff they have to pack up when considering a timeline.

6

Recommend a few options for them.

If you have any ideas on where they could go, let them know. They don’t have to take your advice, but it might give them a starting point as they look around. Cheap apartments, family members in another state, and even shelters are all options for your ex-partner.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- You might also suggest that they stay with a friend for a little while until they figure out a permanent option.

7

Set boundaries for yourself.

Only help your ex-partner as much as you’d like to. Keep in mind that you don’t owe your ex anything, even if they try to guilt you into it. You can help them look for new places or apply for jobs if you’d like to, but you don’t have to.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If your ex tries to get you to do something that you don’t want to, say, “I’ve helped you out as much as I can, but you’re going to have to figure out the rest on your own.”

8

Talk about logistics.

You may have to chat about money or bills a few more times. If you need to talk with your ex about stuff like that, try not to let your emotions take over. Keep things strictly business-like, and try not to let your ex bring emotions into it either.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If you’ve been living together for a while, you might need to take your ex off the lease, switch utilities from their name into yours, or separate your bank accounts.

9

Divvy up your possessions.

Talk about what your ex is going to take with them when they leave. If they don’t have a place lined up, they might not be able to take anything large, like furniture. If they do manage to land a place, talk about what they can take with them and what’s yours to keep.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Keep in mind that you might also have to talk about your pets if you have them. It’s up to you two to decide who gets to keep which pet or if you’re going to share custody of them.
- Try to avoid bickering over the small stuff. It will only prolong the amount of time your ex is in the home.

10

Live together as roommates for a little bit.

It might feel awkward, but it won’t last forever. As your ex-partner gathers their things and figures out somewhere else to live, you’ll still be living together. Figure out where you’re going to sleep (someone can take the couch or the spare room) and how chores are going to get done as roommates instead of partners.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- You can also talk about which days of the week your ex can have friends over or which days of the week you’ll be out of the house.

11

Tell your ex to move out on time.

Don’t let your ex push you into giving more time. As the date approaches, remind them that they need to be out on this specific day. Remember that they’re an adult, and if they haven’t figured out somewhere else to go in that time period, it’s not your problem.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- On the day that your ex is set to move out, you might want to make yourself scarce. Head out for the day to give your ex time to pack their things and leave without a ton of awkwardness.