How to Become Outgoing if You Are Shy

Reframe your perspective. Understand that no one thinks about you as much as you do. It's liberating when you realize that no one dwells on every little mistake you make. They're thinking about themselves and their mistakes. Keep this in mind, as it may help you to feel more comfortable.

Seek situations that require social interaction. If you're trying to be more outgoing, the best way to ensure your success is if you go out and put yourself into different situations where you have the opportunity to interact with other people. Put yourself out there. Go to events or places where you are likely or ensured social interaction.

• Join a weekly club. Look online or call your local community center. By spending time with people based upon a shared interest, you are more likely to have something to talk about.
• Pick a hobby, like martial arts or team sports. Physical, group activities don't require as much socialization as other activities, but they do require some. This can increase your socialization without going overboard.

Set challenging yet realistic goals.^[3] Don't feel you have to become a social butterfly right away. Relish in the little victories. Take little steps toward being social at first. As you get more comfortable, add greater social adventures.

• Start with saying “hello” to a random stranger or telling someone you like their fashion. Decide ahead of time what you want to try, and practice a bit in the mirror or with a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist. This will help you feel more at ease so when the opportunity does arise, you can feel more comfortable with reaching out.
• Work towards asking someone on a date or inviting them over for dinner. If you can't bring yourself to ask them in person, write him a note or send a text.

Repeat experiences that you like. It gets easier every time you do it, so you must persist.^[4] When you have fun at a party, on a date or out with friends, make an effort to do it again. This way you will reinforce that good feeling. If that still seems like a big step, think about an activity that will help you feel more comfortable with asking a person out, such as going out for coffee, or something fun like going roller skating. Make sure to choose an activity you find comfortable.

Make up excuses to talk to people. Go to a public place and challenge yourself to ask someone for help or for information. You might need to be creative for this. Spend a moment in whatever setting you choose to concoct a topic or question.

• Ask someone in the grocery store for an opinion on a food item.
• Ask someone for directions, even though you might know where you're going.
• Ask someone to help you carry something even though you might be able to manage on your own.

Establish a reward system. Reinforcing your successes is an important part of solidifying new habits. Tell yourself that you'll treat yourself only if you talk to this specific person, or have a nice conversation with a stranger.

Get a friend to help. Sometimes it is not as easy to be social. This is when a friend can help. A more social friend or even a family member can help. Ask them to be your cheerleader, but also help you find ways to be more outgoing.

Think of activities you can do that are a little comfortable to start with. Visualize going through the steps and then practice different interactions with a person you trust. You can start with small interactions like saying hi to an acquaintance and then build from there by saying hi to a stranger. From there, you can talk about the weather, give a compliment or ask for the time. Use body language to show that you are open to more conversation and see how the interaction develops.^[5]