How to Become Friends With a Stranger

Last Updated: April 15, 2021

Think of all the strangers you pass on the sidewalk, each unknown soul that has sat beside you, and every well-occupied, though silent, elevator ride. You might consider these scenarios as missed opportunities. Introduce yourself the next time you find yourself watching a stranger with intrigue or admiration. Allow a conversation to develop between the two of you by listening closely and asking more about anything that interests you. The more you test the theory, the more proof you’ll find of the truth in Yeats’ words: “There are no strangers here, only friends you have not met yet.”

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Meeting Strangers

1
Say hello. The quickest and surest way to befriend someone you don’t know is to simply say hello. Approach a stranger that has caught your attention and say something along the lines of, “Hey, how’s the day going so far?” This alone can get a friendly conversation going. It will likely work best in a environments where social interaction is commonly expected.^{[1]
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- Most public places are usually fair game to approach someone and say hello. That said, be respectful. Avoid interrupting what looks to be a family meal, and don't bother someone who seems to be focused on work at the library.
- In some contexts, it may be best to first increase your proximity to those you’re interested. For instance, join a group conversation and listen in on an ongoing conversation, as long as it doesn't seem too private.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Donna Novak, Psy.D
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.} This will give you the opportunity to jump in and introduce yourself.
- Be sure to introduce yourself and ask for names. A quick, “Hey, I’m Derek, what’s your name?” is usually sufficient. Save your elevator pitch for networking events. You’re not going to make friends by telling everyone your business aspirations before allowing them to speak.
2
Be ready to listen. Often, people reach out to one another because they assume or hope that there will be a particular outcome. It can be challenging to keep our assumptions about someone from affecting how you interact with them. To help, focus on listening closely to people you’ve just met, as this will help you get an accurate perspective on who they are quickly.^{[3]
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- You’re more likely to find yourself in a budding friendship if you spend more time listening to someone than waiting for them to fulfill your assumptions about them.
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3
Keep a positive attitude. If you run into someone that does not warmly receive a friendly “Hello,” don’t let this wreck your day. Remind yourself that most people are excited when someone breaks the ice. In short, don’t get jaded by someone who is terminally antisocial.
- When someone turns a cold shoulder to your attempts to start a conversation, note that whatever reason they have for doing so has nothing to do with you. They don’t know you, and they may have just missed their chance. Reach out to someone else instead.^{[4]
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4
Talk to strangers daily. Plenty of people are hesitant, if not fearful, of introducing themselves to strangers. The best way to get over this shyness is to ignore it. While it may feel awkward, fight through your resistance and make a point of introducing yourself to someone you don’t know every day.^{[5]
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- This may be easier in places where you are comfortable. For instance, introduce yourself to someone in your apartment building or at the gym you go to. You already have something to ask about, such as, “Hey, which floor do you live on?” or “What routine did you start with to build biceps like that!?”
- Worst case scenario: someone isn’t interested in talking, and you leave them alone. You can handle that.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Using Friendly Conversation-Starters

1
Say something about your surroundings. A great way to start a conversation with someone while you are out in public is to note something interesting about your surroundings. For example, if you are sitting outside at a coffee shop, then you might mention the nice weather. Or, you could comment on how much you like the place and ask the person if he or she comes here often.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.}
- You might also try complimenting the person. For example, you could mention that you like the person’s outfit and ask where they got it.
- If the person has a child or a dog, then this is also a great built-in conversation starter. For example, you might say something like, “Aww, she’s so cute! How old is she?”
- You can also talk about current events, as long as it's not anything too controversial.
2
Ask good questions. Get someone to start opening up by asking a question that lets them talk about how they see the world. For instance, ask about how they wound up doing whatever caught your eye. When you see someone doing something interesting, ask “Where’d you get that idea?” Similarly, if someone says something interesting, ask them, “How’d you arrive at that perspective?”^{[7]
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Expert Source

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.}
- Even simple questions can help you break into a conversation, like "How's your day going?"^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Donna Novak, Psy.D
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.}
- People enjoy feeling as though they are interesting or insightful. Ask questions that imply that you feel this way about the, and you’ll readily have their attention.
- Feel free to ask general questions as well. Perhaps the best question of all: “What do you care most about?” They’ll be able to respond with something about a topic you know they’re interested in speaking about.
- Another great option: “What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to?” This will get someone thinking positively about something they enjoy, which is a great way to start a conversation, let alone a friendship.
3
Do your research. Maybe you have a particular stranger or partial-stranger in mind. This makes it even easier to reach out and offer your friendship. Think about what you know about this person, including what they’re interested in. Read up on anything in the news with relevance to their interests or profession, and ask them about it next time you see them.^{[9]
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- For instance, “Hey, Jerry, you’re the new guy from corporate, right? Did you see that great piece on staff restructuring?” Knowing a bit about a stranger may help you get your foot in the doorway to friendship.
4
Find common ground. Mention the things you're especially interested in, as well as other conversational topics that might interest both of you. One easy way to do this is by casually mentioning where you're from, or somewhere you visited. For instance, "Yeah! Back when I lived in Michigan, I used to really enjoy that sort of thing." Or ask, "Have you ever been to Bermuda? That seems to be catching on down there."
- Include references to places you've been or people and ideas that appeal to you in the course of the conversation. This gives your conversation partner plenty of options in terms of their response.
5
Get them laughing. Crack a joke. It doesn’t have to be a good joke. In fact, a bad joke may make an even better conversation starter, and will often remove awkwardness very quickly. Puns are great go-to type of joke. For instance, if you and a stranger are near a Mexican restaurant, break the social barriers between you with something like “Have you been there? Their food is spec-taco-ular.” You’re one smirk away from a friendship.^{[10]
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- Seriously, don’t stress about the quality of your jokes. If someone doesn’t respond positively to a friendly attempt at humor, do you really want to befriend them after all?

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Shifting from Acquaintances to Friends

1
Get contact info. If you are having fun talking with someone, then it might be a good idea to exchange contact information. This will allow you to text or call the person so that you can meet up again sometime.
- Try saying something like, “I have to go, but I have had so much fun chatting with you. Would you like to exchange cell numbers so we can get together again sometime?”
2
Treat them like your friend right off the bat. People tend to open up only with their close friends. Amp up your familiarity with another by being the first to broach personal conversational topics. Open, honest communication is an indication of affection, admiration, trust, and respect. In fact, when you speak with someone about how you really feel you’re indicating that you value their advice and companionship.
- Do so naturally, by asking questions like “How do you feel about that?” or offering your personal thoughts on something that comes up.
3
State what you believe. Be willing to talk about things that are meaningful to you. This includes your “feelings” as well as your opinions, including your perspectives on controversial issues. Don’t clam up because others may not agree.
- You may wind up finding that another feels similarly and can supplement your perspective. Alternatively, you may wind up in a spirited but mutually beneficial debate. How else will we begin to change one another’s’ minds aside from speaking with them about what we may see differently?
4
Take a photo together. It’s great to have a reason to reach back out to someone you’ve just met. Photos are some of the best ways to do this. They help break down a barrier between you by offering a chance to pause and record a moment together, even if only on the street or in passing. Further, taking the photo on your phone offers the perfect excuse to ask for someone’s information.^{[11]
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- Say something along the lines of, “Hey, where can I send this photo?” Either do so immediately so they have your information too, or wait a few days and send it along with a message such as, “Great to meet you the other day! Hope to run into you again soon.”
5
Forget your phone. Aside from a particular reason, such as taking a photo or watching a video together, leave your phone out of sight. There’s nothing quite as antisocial as working your thumbs nonstop and staring at your phone while having a conversation with someone. Too much phone action sends a message that you’re not that interested, and can readily prevent a budding friendship from blossoming.^{[12]
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Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I start a conversation?

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.

Donna Novak, Psy.D

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Questions are a great way to get someone engaged in talking to you. The question you ask will depend on the scenario you're in, but even something as simple as "How's your day going?" can get a conversation going. If you're at an event or there's something going on around you, you can talk aobut that, as well.
Question

Can I talk to someone who's already in a conversation?

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.

Donna Novak, Psy.D

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Joining a conversation that's already in progress actually tends to be easier than just walking up to someone, as long as the conversation doesn't seem too private. Just try to have a little social awareness about the situation.