How to Be Friends With a Lesbian

Discovering that someone you know is a lesbian can confuse you or make you uncomfortable. However, realizing that they are still human greatly improve the likelihood of a friendship.

1

Consider why your friend's orientation would even matter to you.

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    Does it change your opinion of her? Do you have some fears or preconceptions about lesbians that make you feel uncomfortable? Or perhaps you have romantic feelings towards her? Unpack your feelings and why/if your friend's sexuality bothers you.
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2

If you're a girl, don't assume she is attracted to you.

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    This is a common misconception between girls with a lesbian friend. Lesbians (or anyone) aren't attracted to everyone of a certain gender just because of their sexuality. She's not attracted to all women just because she's lesbian.
3

Respect her sexuality and privacy.

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    If she doesn't want people to know she's a lesbian, then don't go around telling everyone. But if she's open about it, don't hide it from anyone, because that could make her think you're ashamed of her somehow. If you tell everyone, she will likely angry with you.
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4

Treat her like you treat everybody else.

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    Lesbians are people, too. There is no need to act differently around her simply because of her sexual orientation. Accept that she's lesbian, and move on. Treat her the same way you would treat a straight person, or anybody else.
    • If you were already friends before, none of your behavior towards her needs to change just because she's a lesbian.

Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW.

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About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 8,188 times.
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Co-authors: 17
Updated: January 31, 2023
Views: 8,188
Categories: Friends | Friends and Family of LGBT

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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