How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: November 9, 2020

Asking a girl to hang out can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you think there's relationship potential. Add on that you may not know her very well and asking to hang out could come off awkward. Regardless of what you know about a girl, you want to know her better if you're contemplating hanging out with her. That means you have to get over any nervousness by keeping invites casual, finding ways to hang out in a group, and doing fun stuff.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Keeping it Casual

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Invite her along to things you plan on doing anyway. Be subtle and natural with the girl you want to hang out with by inviting her to activities you were already planning on doing. If you plan on going to a barbeque, ask her if she wants to hang out there. Enjoy yourself regardless of whether she comes along or not.
- Say, “Hey, I’m going to this cookout tomorrow if you want to stop by.”
- Say, “A bunch of us are going to try this new restaurant if you want to try it too.”
2
Say "Hello" when you see her. You don't need to make lengthy conversations or stumble over words if you see the girl you want to hang out with in public. A simple “Hey” or “Hello” so she knows you notice her is the perfect way to play it cool. Make eye contact and say “Hey”, when you pass her or you’re in the same room.^{[1]
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3
Find an open-ended invitation to gauge her interest. Open-ended invitations don’t tie you to a specific time frame or activity and are a great way see how likely a girl is to accept more specific invitations. Keep it brief and don’t overthink it. Then, look at the girl’s reaction to see how interested she is in hanging out.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Plan the invitation around a group activity, if you’re still deciding whether you just want to be friends.
- Say, “Do you wanna grab lunch sometime?”
- Say, in a group setting “We should all get together soon.”^{[3]
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4
Be cheerful when you try to make plans. People like to hang out with happy people they perceive as fun, because who wants to hang out and not have fun? Smile when you ask the girl you want to hang out with to do something. Talk about positive things and keep the conversation light.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Hanging Out in Groups

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Invite her to do something with you and your friends. An easy way to start hanging out with a girl is by introducing her to your existing group of friends. Determine if she has things in common with you and your friends by making chit-chat and asking about her interests. If it seems like everyone shares common ground, invite her along to your next group outing. Say:
- “We’re all going out tonight if you want to join us.”
- “My friends and I are going to see that new movie. We’d love for you to come too.”
- “Hey, we’re cooking out tomorrow. Do you want to stop by?”
2
Find something you both have in common. Plan something the girl you’re interested in likes too, so the more likely it is she’ll hang out. Make small talk and be observant when you interact with her to find out about the things she likes. If you both like basketball, invite her and at least 3 to 4 more friends to watch the next big game. Start talking about some of the things you like to do in order to start asking her about what she likes.
- Say, "I can't wait to get on a boat! Have you been to the lake yet this season?"
- Say, "My video game skills are hurting. I have to practice. Are you a gamer?"
- Say, "Soccer is a high-energy sport. Do you like watching it?"
3
Extend an invitation at a convenient place. Whatever girl you want to hang out with will appreciate a venue that is convenient for her to get to. Find out the areas she frequents and ask her to hang out when you’re nearby with mutual friends or acquaintances. Ask her what she likes to do on the weekends to get more of an idea of where she hangs out. You can also ask something along these lines:
- "Midtown has such cool shops and restaurants. Have you been down there?"
- "Have you been downtown lately? They have some really good bands that play on the weekend."
- "I went hiking a while back and got so sore. Have you been to the state park south of here?"

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Doing Stuff Together

1
Make specific plans. Once you’ve tested to see how interested a girl is in hanging out by making open-ended invitations, you may be ready to make specific plans. Ask her to hang out at a certain time doing a certain activity. Never pressure her to make a decision, but try to make specific plans. Say:
- “Do you want to go to this concert next weekend?”
- “How about lunch tomorrow?”
- “Wanna go to the football game on Wednesday?”
2
Make spur-of-the-moment plans. Trying to make spontaneous plans can seem like added pressure, but since they’re so last minute, the sting of rejection may be lessened. It’s totally understandable if someone can’t drop what they’re doing to hang out. Strike up a conversation with the girl you want to hang out with and say something like:
- “Do you want to grab some coffee?”
- “Hey, are you hungry? I was about to grab a bite to eat. Do you want to go with?”
- “The weather is awesome! Let’s go for a bike ride!”
3
Give her options for times and activities. If you really want to hang out with a girl, you should make the process as simple for her as possible. She could have a busy schedule, so give her choices on times, days and things-to-do. Tell her about something you’d like to do that sounds cool and talk about different days you could get together. Vary the activities you suggest in case she wants to do one thing more than the other. Say:
- "This new movie looks so funny. Could you watch it Thursday or Saturday? There's another good movie coming out too, I think."
- "A street festival is going on next weekend, but I think some food trucks are going to be at the art's district this weekend."
- "My favorite band is coming to town next month! There's a new sushi spot opening soon too."

Expert Q&A
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Question

How should I ask a girl to hang out for the first time?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try asking them an open-ended invitation to gauge their interest in hanging out with you. Just be open and direct with them so they know your intentions.

Warnings

If a girl always has an excuse why she can’t hang out, it means she’s probably not interested.

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After a girl shoots you down three times, don’t keep asking her to hang out.

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