The Top 12 Things Teenage Guys Want in a Relationship

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: February 25, 2022 References

When a fun crush develops into a relationship, it’s super exciting! Still, if you’re just dating for the first time, teenage guys can be a little bit of a mystery. How often can you text them? Can you get really romantic? The good news is that he wants what you probably do, too—a best friend who provides lots of respect and affection. This list will cover all the ways to have a fun and supportive bond. Read on to learn what your boyfriend wants and how to totally charm him.

1

Regular check-ins

He’s really excited whenever you take initiative. Teenage guys sometimes need encouragement, especially if they’re in their first relationship. If you check up on him or tell him he’s on your mind whenever the mood strikes, he’ll really like all your spontaneity and know he matters to you.^{[1]
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- He’ll also feel less pressure if he doesn’t always have to send the first text.
- Keep everything upbeat and positive—he’ll look forward to every message or phone call.
- Also invite him out or give him a big hug when you see him. He’ll adore all your affection.

2

Fun chemistry

Affection makes him swoon even when you’re apart. You both probably have a ton of responsibilities that keep you busy, like school, volunteer work, and family routines. Break all that up with some sweet and flirty texts. After you’re done with dinner and your assignments, win him over with cute comments like:^{[2]
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- “I still have the biggest crush on you! 😊”
- “I’m so lucky I get to date you. ☘️”
- “Sweet dreams, babe! 🌙 See you tomorrow!”

3

Exciting conversations

Lots of energy and thoughtfulness keeps him interested. He wants more than just someone to hang out with—he wants an S.O. who will give him their full attention. Instead of letting him bring up all the subjects, tell him what you’re interested in, too. Also ask a lot of questions or give him really detailed answers if he wants to know your take on anything. When you’re super involved in your talks, he’ll love that you give him your very best.^{[3]
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- Whenever he gets quiet, use that as your chance to cover a new topic.
- Spark up a fun chat about any movies, books, or games he recommends.
- If the mood feels right, discuss your family or home lives.

4

A ton of praise

Compliments help him stay confident and motivated. Look out for every reason you can celebrate him. Talk about his looks, his smarts, and any other gift or skill you can think of. If he’s studied hard or scored an amazing grade, make sure to tell him how proud you are. Also cherish him for being such a fun and caring boyfriend. You’ll boost his ego so much that he’ll feel he can handle anything—and he’ll have you to thank for that.^{[4]
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- Pay attention to the little details. For example, you can point out how organized all his notes are and how they inspire you to pick out some new folders.
- Encourage him to take new risks, too. You can say something like, “I think you’d be perfect for the new play! You’re so funny. Plus, it’d look great on a common app!”

5

Lots of support

When you focus on his future, he starts to see you in it. Ask your boyfriend about his deadlines, any special clubs he’s signed up for, and his dream college. Then, talk about ways that he can balance his relationship and his schoolwork. Remind him that you just want to bring value to his life and make sure he accomplishes everything he’s dreamed of. His family will definitely approve of you, and he’ll know he’s dating the coolest and most considerate person around.
- Offer to be his study buddy so he can get quality time with you and finish his assignments.
- Spend a whole block of time researching colleges and preparing your materials for apps.
- Also check in about days he might need less distractions and a little space.

6

Fun and games

Goofing off keeps his life stress-free. As a teenage guy, he definitely wants an S.O. with a killer sense of humor. Save up a bunch of funny gifs, videos, and memes. Then, show him something silly from your collection whenever you hang out. Don’t be afraid to experiment with your own jokes, too—your boyfriend will enjoy how hard you try to make him laugh. He’ll also treasure all the ridiculous moments you share together.^{[5]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- Show each other your fave comedians or vloggers. You’ll get a sense of each other’s style.
- If you’re both okay being sarcastic or sassy, tease each other a little.^{[6]
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- Play video games or get really active as another way to let off steam.

7

Creative dates

Regular romance inspires him and makes him sentimental. When you’re both free and feel like you need more time to really connect, run some ideas by him. Be sure to mix up all your options—if you’ve already checked out some cheap restaurants, suggest mini-golf or a local concert instead. You’ll warm his heart because he’ll have so much to look forward to. Plus, he’ll feel relieved that he doesn’t have to come up with all the dates himself.^{[7]
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- It’s totally okay if all your plans are free, too! For example, you can grab some snacks from your fridge, throw them in a basket, and have a really nice picnic.
- Reward yourselves with something a little more fancy if you hit all your goals. If you both ace your finals, you can pool your allowances and splurge on something extravagant.
- Any type of playful competition is a great way to have fun.^{[8]
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- Plan a date where you'll both be able to move around a lot, whether you're trekking through the park or walking around the mall.^{[9]
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  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

8

Your trust

He looks for a connection that’s caring and judgment-free. Even if he hangs out with his friends a lot or wants some privacy, respect that he’ll still be there for you and will stay loyal. Instead of asking a lot of questions, just say that you want him to have a good time and you’ll catch up later. Your boyfriend will be honored that you expect the best from him, and he’ll remember your agreements even when he’s out. Plus, he’ll think he has the best of both worlds—his own life and an S.O. isn’t worried about what he’s up to.^{[10]
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Child Mind Institute
Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families
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- If you need to talk about a boundary, do it calmly and make sure he has a say.
- For example, if you feel a little sensitive about him spending time with his ex, ask if he’d consider keeping some distance from them.
- Whether you discuss a concern of yours or you’re totally comfortable, thank him for helping you feel so relaxed.

9

An independent S.O.

He wants someone that adores him but doesn’t need him. It’s okay if you’re not available all the time and if you pursue your own passions—he’ll actually be even more into you because you’re taking care of yourself so well. Set up fun activities with your friends, join some new clubs, pay attention to your health, and do your best in school. When he sees you glow with happiness and confidence, he’ll be excited that you’re holding yourself to high standards and that a relationship is just part of your life.^{[11]
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- It’s really important to enjoy alone time, too. You’ll be able to reflect on yourself and think about what you really want. Plus, you’ll have so much more fun seeing your boyfriend again after you’ve had some space from him.

10

A good listener

He’s hoping for someone who will be there when he has to vent. When life gets tough, it’s always nice to have your favorite person around. If he speaks up about any stresses or you just get the feeling that he’s having a hard time, clear your schedule for him. Wait until after school so you both can get some privacy. It’ll be easier for him to open up when teachers or his friends can’t overhear anything. After he’s told you everything that’s on his mind, he’ll be really grateful that he has someone special to turn to.^{[12]
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- Let him tell you what he needs—maybe he wants to brainstorm ways to fix a problem, or maybe he just wants to say how frustrated he is.
- If he’s still struggling, ask him to try going to the school counselor. They’ll be able to step in if he has anxiety or other concerns that impact his mental health.

11

Directness

He bonds with you when there’s clear communication. Let him know where your head’s at. Maybe there are some times that you feel absolutely exhausted, such as during finals week. Tell him what you need from him, such as extra affection or patience. If your relationship has evolved and you’ve grown really close, talk about any strong emotions that have come up. Your boyfriend will feel relieved to know what’s on your mind, and he’ll want to plan to handle new situations as a couple.
- Also give him an opportunity to share his needs, too. A strong relationship needs to factor in both of your perspectives.
- Check if you want the same type of future together. For example, you can start off with a comment like, “I think it would be really nice if we attended colleges that are near each other.”
- Talk about compromises you might need to make, like trying out a long-distance relationship after you graduate.^{[13]
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12

Genuine love

When he hears the “L” word, he feels you’re serious about him. Be really brave and admit when you’ve fallen for him—it’ll feel way better to talk about it. Tell him the exact moment that he stole your heart. Then, describe his effect on you. Maybe you feel thrilled every time you see him, or he’s your “rock” and keeps you calm. He’ll get lost in your sweet words, and you’ll encourage him to confess how irreplaceable you are to him.^{[14]
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- Share clues that helped you figure out you were in love. For example, you can say, “You’re the easiest person to be around. I could spend all day with you!”
- If you’re not ready to say you’re in love, that’s okay! Just stick to affection, like hugs.