How to Tell if a Girl Is High Maintenance

Co-authored by John Keegan and Eric McClure

Last Updated: September 20, 2022 References

If you’ve been talking to a girl and you’re getting some vibes that she’s a lot to handle, you may be wondering if she’s high-maintenance. While there's nothing intrinsically wrong with being high-maintenance, people like that can be overwhelming, and you might find yourself drained or feel like you're being taken advantage of. In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you should look out for when it comes to spotting high-maintenance women. And just remember: a high-maintenance woman may make an excellent partner for you, so don’t let a few personality quirks ruin a good thing!

1

She’s needy.

A high-maintenance woman requires a lot of attention and time. Does she get really upset if you take an hour or two to reply to her text? Does she get frustrated if you say you want to go out with your friends this weekend instead of hanging with her? High-maintenance women tend to require a lot of effort from their partners, so pay attention to what she needs from you.^{[1]
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- This may not be a bad thing. A woman who requires a lot of time and energy may be deeply loyal and committed to you.

2

She’s entitled.

High-maintenance women expect the world to bend to their every whim. High-maintenance people do not allow themselves to be treated poorly. She may expect cops to let her off with a warning when she gets pulled over for speeding, or think that it’s automatically okay if she calls out at work at the last minute. If she thinks everyone will go out of their way to get her what she wants, she may be high-maintenance.^{[2]
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- If you’re the kind of person who refuses to send a burger back when you ordered it medium-rare and it came out well-done, a high-maintenance gal will have no problem speaking up for you.

3

She’s excessively particular.

A high-maintenance gal will have requirements—not preferences. She probably won’t order a “coffee with cream,” but she might opt for a “double mocha with light cream and two sugar packets.” If she seems like she’s extremely specific about where to eat, what to wear, or how she spends her time, it could mean that she’s high-maintenance.^{[3]
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- There’s nothing wrong with having specific preferences, and if you tend to be kind of indecisive, having a high-maintenance gal calling the shots might be a good thing.

4

She doesn’t go with the flow.

It’s hard to roll with the punches when you have super high standards. She may lash out at you for trying to reschedule a date, or refuse to let you pick the restaurant. A high-maintenance girl is likely to become frustrated if things don’t work out the way they were supposed to, and you may be expected to stick to your plans more rigorously than you’re used to.^{[4]
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- If you’re kind of wishy-washy and you struggle to commit to things, dating someone who holds you to your word may be productive.

5

She complains a lot.

When someone is high maintenance, things don’t go their way very often. Having super high standards for how you’re treated can result in a lot of people not living up to those standards. Since a high-maintenance girl will be let down a lot, they’re likely going to let you know. A high-maintenance woman won’t hesitate to air her grievances when people come up (understandably) short.^{[5]
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- The good news is that you’ll have someone who understands where you’re coming from whenever you need to vent!

6

She tends to blame others.

It’s hard for high-maintenance people to even realize they’re wrong. Even if she is in the wrong, she’s unlikely to acknowledge it. In a high-maintenance girl’s head, she can do no wrong. It’s a by-product of her high standards for herself—she may have so much self-confidence that it’s hard for her to imagine she made a mistake.^{[6]
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- This is also why high-maintenance people tend to hold on to grudges for very long.
- Her inclination to put the blame on other people will also make it difficult for her to apologize.

7

She cares deeply about her appearance.

Obsessing over looks is a sign that superficial things really matter to her. If she dresses to the nines and her hair and makeup are always on point, it means that she’s really invested in how she looks. If outward appearances matter to her, she’s going to have preferences when it comes to how you look when you’re standing next to her.^{[7]
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- If you know you lean on the sweatpants and T-shirts a little too often when you go out, a high-maintenance girl will whip you into shape in no time!

8

She obsesses over social media.

Likes and follows don’t really matter, but they will if she’s high-maintenance. This is an extension of her desire to be seen and respected by others. A high-maintenance woman is more likely to post tons of travel photos and selfies on Instagram, or regularly update people on how she’s thriving on Facebook.^{[8]
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- If you ever share a photo of you two and she asks you to take it down because she doesn’t like the way she looks in it, it’s a good sign she really cares about how she is perceived online.

9

She gives you a lot of errands to run.

If you feel like you’re always doing her favors, it’s because she asks a lot. Does she send you on morning coffee runs? Is she always asking you to pick something up on your way over? A high-maintenance girl has no problem letting you know she needs you to do something, and you may find yourself running around with a to-do list more often than usual.^{[9]
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- If your love language is acts of service and you enjoy feeling important to someone by making their life easier, a high-maintenance girl may be ideal for you.

10

She has bold expectations.

It’s exceptionally difficult to be realistic if you’re super high-maintenance. Does she expect everyone will bend to her every whim? Does she think everything is going to work out in her favor? These are signs that she’s high-maintenance. The same way she holds herself to high standards, she holds the universe to lofty expectations.^{[10]
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- If you tend to be a bit of a pessimist, a high-maintenance gal’s healthy hope and optimism may help balance you out.

11

She keeps you busy.

If you feel like she’s a ton of work, you aren’t imagining things. Being with a high maintenance girl can be challenging—especially if you’re a super laid-back kind of person. However, it can also be deeply rewarding to be with someone who is engaged, active, and focused. A high-maintenance girl knows what she wants, and that can be a good thing!^{[11]
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- If all of this is too much for you, there’s nothing wrong with breaking up and moving on. You deserve a partner who treats you right, and there are always more fish in the sea.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is high maintenance a good thing?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

That depends on your values, and this is the only true answer. Take a look inwards and see what it is that you are looking for. If the girl in question is fulfilling those needs, then good for you! If you feel like the other person doesn't care about your well being and happiness, then that's another sign a red flag.