How to Tell If Your Married Boss Likes You Romantically

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Dan Hickey

Last Updated: December 26, 2022 References

It’s not unusual for a married boss to take a friendly interest in their employees, but how can you tell if they’re a little too interested in you? The right balance between a professional and personal relationship depends on the individual boss and worker’s rapport, but there are plenty of clear signs that your boss is into you if you know what to look for. We’ve consulted relationship experts to make a thorough list of ways to tell if your married boss likes you romantically. If you want to find out once and for all, then this is the article for you!

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.

1

They want to see you outside of work.

Wanting to see you after hours means they want more than a working relationship. Dating coach John Keegan suggests that you look for signs such as "strong eye contact, talking and having a conversation that has nothing to do with work, getting personal, [and other things that say] 'hey, I want to know you as a person.'" They might ask you out directly, or offer a night out as compensation for working late or overtime.
- Is your boss only asking you to make plans and not your coworkers? That makes it more likely they’re into you.
- Your boss might also extend personal invitations to you to join them at work parties, happy hours, or office holiday gatherings.

2

They make excuses to see you during work.

A boss with a crush will do anything to get extra alone time with you. Think of the phrase “this meeting could have been an email” on overdrive. They’ll frequently swing by your desk, check in on you, or schedule an unnecessary 1-on-1 meeting to get some extra facetime.^{[1]
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- Are they making extra effort to engage you specifically at work gatherings like holiday parties or happy hours? That’s a sign they value your company above other employees’.

3

They go out of their way to make your job easier.

Is your boss acting overly helpful and lenient with you? This is a big tell that they like you (or at least have some favoritism toward you). Take note of things like extra praise, valuing your opinions over others’, staying late to work with you, letting you off the hook for mistakes, or extending your deadlines.^{[2]
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- Bosses are usually busy people. If they’re doing all this at the expense of their time and energy, chances are they’ve got a thing for you.

4

They give you overblown promises.

They’re the boss, so they may dangle big opportunities in front of you. It could be a bonus, a pay raise, a promotion, or a new office. Ask yourself if you’re being offered these things ahead of colleagues who outrank you, outperform you, or have been around significantly longer. If so, it’s probably a sign of favoritism from the boss.^{[3]
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- Don’t immediately assume your boss is promising these things because they like you romantically—you work hard, after all!

5

They strike up personal conversations.

If your boss likes you romantically, they’ll want to build a good rapport. They’ll talk about things that have nothing to do with work to get to know you as a person. As dating coach John Keegan explains, "really saying, 'hey, we should meet outside", really someone being so bold as to say 'we should meet outside of work and hang out sometime' is a clear sign that they want to know you besides your working relationship." Listen for questions about your social life and love life, or moments where your boss overshares about their personal life to you. Other signs might be:
- They confide in you about their personal problems.
- They ask coworkers about you to learn more about your life.
- They talk excessively about their hobbies and interests to find common ground with you.

6

They don’t say much about their spouse.

If they're into you, they probably won’t rave about their spouse to you. They won’t mention them very often or if they do, they might complain or make snarky remarks about them. They might even remove or play with their wedding ring around you to signal they’re open to playing outside of their marriage.^{[4]
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- Notice if your boss ignores or hangs up on their spouse’s calls when you’re around.
- If your boss acts very differently when their spouse is around, like at a holiday party or formal event, it’s a sign they don’t want their partner to know how they behave around you.

7

They’re extra interested in your love life.

Do they ask about your significant other beyond just making small talk? Extra curiosity about your relationship status is a dead giveaway they have romantic interest in you. According to dating coach John Keegan, "flirting [could] be eye contact, being curious about your relationship status, specifically asking to do something in the evenings or weekends like [grab] a drink." Watch how they react when you mention your partner—they might become jealous, sad, or put off by the conversation. They might ask:
- "Please tell me you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"
- "So how's everything going with your fiancé?"
- "I heard you had a big blowout with your partner. Are you staying together?"

8

They add you on social media.

In a non-professional scenario, being social media pals isn’t a huge deal. But when your boss adds you, it’s a sign they might have an extra interest in you. It also gives them insight into your life outside of work—something they’d be curious about if they were into you romantically.^{[5]
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- If your relationship with your boss is casual and friendly, this may not be a big deal. Use your judgment to decide whether it’s OK to add them back.
- If you’d rather not add them, ignore their request. If they ask why you haven’t accepted or added them back, just tell them you’d prefer not to mix your personal and work life.

9

They give you gifts.

Gift giving is a major sign of affection. This is especially true from a boss, who might use the gift to wow you with their income or prove they know you as more than a subordinate. Direct gifts, like a tie or perfume, are a definite sign. Subtle things, like buying your go-to coffee order, also count.^{[6]
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- Gifts can also be things like making sure your favorite snacks or drinks are always available in the break room, or getting a new air conditioner for your section of the office.
- Are you the only worker getting gifts from the boss? If so, you can be confident you’ve piqued their romantic interest.

10

They send you messages for no reason.

A text or call with no work focus is an attempt to get your attention. If your boss isn’t messaging you for professional reasons, they’re probably thinking about you more than they should. Notice if they’re asking you about your personal life, making random jokes, or just saying “hey” (AKA, things they might send to their spouse).^{[7]
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- If they only send you these kinds of texts every once in a while, it’s probably nothing to worry about. If it’s regular or daily, they may have a romantic motive.

11

They give you a ton of compliments.

They’ll rave about you, your appearance, and other non-work things. Look for these on a regular or even daily basis. If you only get a left-field compliment once in a blue moon, there probably isn’t a romantic motivation. If it happens all the time, your boss is probably trying to flatter you.^{[8]
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- Non-work compliments could be about your clothes, style, body, personality, or achievement in your personal life.
- Your boss may offer their praise in front of other coworkers. This can be mildly embarrassing if it’s about work, and potentially inappropriate if it’s about anything else.
- If your boss’s compliments make you uncomfortable or strike you as sexual harassment, contact the HR department for guidance on how to resolve the issue.

12

They’re subtly flirty with you.

Their flirting won’t be too obvious since they’re at work (and married). Look for subtle signs that they like you. Dating coach John Keegan lists a few things to keep an eye out for: "subtler signs of flirting would [include] eye contact, playful comments, light touching at the end of a joke, things like that." They may also do things like give you extra compliments, praise you openly in front of others, or look for reasons to “accidentally” brush against you.
- Consider how your boss acts around other employees. If they exhibit flirty behavior towards everyone, it’s just their personality. If it’s only to you, they’re probably interested.

13

You catch them looking at you.

Intense or prolonged eye contact is a classic sign someone is into you. If you see your boss making frequent or flirty glances toward you, or even just staring at you from across the office, take notice. Any strong eye contact is an obvious sign.

14

Your boss takes extra care of their appearance.

Has your boss experienced a glow up all of a sudden? Unexpected changes in their appearance might be a sign they’re trying to catch someone’s eye (yours!). Look for things like a flashy new outfit, a different hairstyle, more makeup than normal, or a change to their facial hair that seem aimed to impress.^{[9]
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- If your boss has always been impeccably dressed and groomed, then it’s less likely their appearance is solely to grab your attention.
- There are a lot of reasons someone might change up their appearance. If your boss’s new look is accompanied by other flirty signs too, then you can confirm your suspicions.

15

They exhibit flirty or sensual body language.

Even if your boss says nothing, their body language is a dead giveaway. Do they always want to sit next to you at meetings, or walk you down the hall? Maybe they like to lean or put their hands on your desk while they chat with you. These are all hints that they have more than just collegial feelings for you.^{[10]
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- Look out for other signs like standing very close to you or pointing their feet towards you while they talk to you.
- Mirroring is another flirtatious form of body language. Watch your boss for things like smiling when you smile, leaning in when you lean in to talk, or matching your posture.

16

They get physically touchy with you.

Does your boss like to hug or touch you more than necessary? Maybe they “accidentally” bump into you or graze you all the time. A congratulatory pat on the back or handshake can be normal, professional behavior in some offices, but anything more than this might be a sign your boss is romantically (and physically) attracted to you.^{[11]
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- Look at how your boss touches other employees. If they hug everyone, for example, it’s unlikely they view you differently.
- If you identify sexual harassment from your boss, reach out to your HR department or another trusted support system for guidance on how to put a stop to the behavior.

17

They distance themselves from you.

If they think their feelings are inappropriate, they might “act weird.” They’ll suddenly seem arrogant, uninterested, or extra strict because they feel bad about having extramarital interest in an employee. It’s possible they will avoid or ignore you as much as they can get away with professionally, too.^{[12]
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- This is also a sign that they’re trying not to act on their feelings. Give your boss their space to process and move on (as much as you’re able in a work setting).

18

Your coworkers notice.

If the whole company thinks the boss is flirting, they probably are! Employees notice how the boss treats others, especially if they’re being extra lenient, kind, or nervous toward someone. If a colleague mentions something to you about it, take that as an obvious hint—the boss likes you.^{[13]
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- Depending on your relationship with your colleagues, they might playfully tease you about it, ask you if you’ve noticed out of concern, or largely ignore it.