How to Tell if Someone Is Lying when Online Dating

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: April 19, 2022 References

Online dating is a great way to find potential partners and meet lots of new people at once. But when something feels fishy, how do you weed out the shady people from the genuine ones? In this article, we’ll list some of the common signs that someone is lying to you so you can keep yourself safe while online dating.

1

They seem too good to be true.

Someone who’s perfect for you might be making some things up. If you ever wonder how in the world you matched with a supermodel or why this handsome, attractive man is still single, that’s a cause for concern. Listen to your gut: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.^{[1]
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2

Their stories don’t add up.

Liars sometimes have a tough time keeping their stories straight. Maybe they are a doctor one day, but an oil rig worker the next. Or, they might say they’re from California, but when you chat again, they say they’re actually from Alabama. If you’re hearing a lot of contradictory information, it’s probably because someone isn’t telling the truth.^{[2]
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Federal Trade Commission
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- They might tell you that they are traveling for work, but when you ask again, they say they’re traveling to see family.
- Or, they might say that they are divorced, but when you chat again, they say they’re actually just separated.

3

They have everything in common with you.

They may be trying to win you over by repeating parts of your life. You might notice that every time you say something about yourself, the person you’re chatting with says, “No way, me too!” This is an easy way for them to make a connection, and it also ensures they don’t have to come up with a bunch of lies on their own.^{[3]
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- For instance, if you say your dad was in the military so you moved around a lot, a liar might say, “Wow, same here.”
- Or, if you reveal that you dropped out of college, a liar will probably respond with something like, “Yeah, so did I.”

4

Their photos are blurry or grainy.

This might mean they’re trying to hide their identity. For most people on dating sites, they’ll try to use photos that make them look good to attract the most people. If the person you’re chatting with only has photos that are blurry or a little too far away, that’s a red flag.^{[4]
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- The same thing is true if they only have group photos.

5

Their pictures look retouched or photoshopped.

People sometimes edit their pics to make themselves look better. Take a look through the photos on their profile, and try to pick out any features that seem fishy. Skin that’s been airbrushed to perfection or muscles that have been blown up out of proportion indicate that the person you’re talking to is faking something.^{[5]
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- People will also sometimes use old photos of themselves to make themselves appear younger or more fit. If the pics they’re using look like they were taken 10 years ago, it’s probably because they were.

6

They’re using fake photos.

You can do a reverse image search to find their photos on other platforms. Sometimes, people steal other people’s photos to use as their own. Some people even grab celebrity photos and try to pass themselves off as a famous person. If you want to find out if your potential date is using someone else’s pics, download their photos and then run them through Google’s reverse image search. If the pictures pop up elsewhere, the person you’re talking to is probably lying.^{[6]
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7

They use fewer personal pronouns.

Studies show that liars try to distance themselves with the language they use. If you’re checking out their bio or messaging back and forth, take note of how often the person uses the word “I.” If they never (or rarely) use it, that’s a good indication that they are lying, because they’re trying to depersonalize their messages.^{[7]
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- For instance, instead of saying, “I graduated in 2012,” they might say, “My graduation happened in 2012.”

8

They have short descriptions or bios.

Liars don’t want to put a ton of effort into their online profiles. Instead, you might notice that their bios are short (or even missing entirely). This probably means that they’re lying, since most genuine people want to fill out their bios to attract potential dates.^{[8]
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9

They don’t want to discuss their appearance.

If they’re lying about what they look like, they might get defensive. Try asking them something about how they look, like if they have a tan right now or how long their hair is. If the person you’re talking to is lying, they’ll probably deflect the question and move onto something else.^{[9]
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- A lot of times, people who are lying about their appearance will segue into their life achievements instead. For instance, if you ask, “You look so muscular in your pics. Are you still that buff right now?” they might say, “Haha, yeah, that was the year I won the National Championship for men’s wrestling.”

10

They profess their love for you right away.

Love bombing is a tactic often used by scammers. If you’re chatting with someone casually and they all of the sudden say that they’re in love with you, take a step back and pause. Unfortunately, they might be tugging on your heart strings in order to get something from you, like money or financial assistance.^{[10]
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- Most people on dating sites will want to meet up with you before taking any big relationship steps.

11

They ask you for money.

Scammers will often use dating sites to ask for money transfers or gift cards. If anyone on a dating app ever asks you for money or your financial information, stop talking to them right away. They are most likely lying about their identity, and they will most likely stop talking to you after you’ve sent them cash.^{[11]
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Website with up-to-date information for consumers from the Federal Trade Commisson
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- If you are a victim of a relationship scam, contact your bank right away. They may be able to help you get some (or all) of your money back.

12

You can’t find any info about them on Google.

If you can’t find anything at all, they might be using a fake name. Try Googling the information you have on the person you’re talking to—their name, their age, where they live, and what they do for work. Most people will have at least 1 or 2 hits come up, especially if they’re on social media. However, if the person you’re talking to doesn’t come up at all, they might be lying about who they are.^{[12]
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- It’s a good idea to do a quick Google search of anyone you meet online, just to make sure they’re actually real.

13

They constantly have excuses for why they can’t meet up.

A liar won’t want to meet in person because their lies will be exposed. If you’ve been chatting online with someone for a while, it’s only natural to try and set up an IRL date. However, if they keep making excuses or brushing you off, it might be time to move on. Usually, they will make excuses because they lied about who they are or what they look like.^{[13]
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- They might even cancel your plans at the last minute, even if you had to travel to see them.