How to Tell Someone You Won't Go to Prom with Them

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 12, 2022 References

Prom is a big event, and while it can be incredibly fun, it can also be stressful, especially when it comes to who you take as your date. Unfortunately, you don't always get asked by the right person. Rejecting someone is never fun and can cause more stress, but being polite and offering an honest answer can help eliminate the anxiety.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Rejecting the Offer

1
Talk to them alone. Rejecting them around others can sting, so find a way to talk to them one-on-one. Be gentle and tell them you're sorry, but you can't go to prom with them.
2
Be polite. Rejecting someone can be hard, but being rejected can hurt. Thank the person for asking you to prom, then let them down gently. “Thank you, but I have other plans,” or, “I'm flattered you asked, but I'm not interested in going to prom with you,” are both direct but polite ways of turning someone down.^{[1]
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- Sometimes the other person can get annoyed or defensive after a rejection. Their feelings are important, but yours are, too. Stand your ground and don't let them convince you to go with them anyway; coercion isn't cool.
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3
Give them an honest answer. Honesty is important, especially if you plan on going to prom still and don't want to hurt their feelings. Tell them you have other plans. Saying you want to go with your friends or already have another date is fine, so long as those answers are true.^{[2]
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4
Use a 'compliment sandwich'. Combining a negative with two positives is a great way to turn someone down and can be used in many ways. Give the person a compliment before you reject their offer, then follow the rejection with another compliment.
- “It was really sweet of you to ask me, but I'm not interested in going to prom with you. You're a great person, and I'd love to stay friends,” lets them know you are still happy they asked, but can't accept their offer. It cuts through some of the sting and awkwardness of a rejection.^{[3]
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5
Tell them if you've changed your mind. Sometimes you accept a prom invitation quickly, or they asked you in public and you didn't want to embarrass them. If you've changed your mind, make sure they know as soon as you do. Letting them know within a day or two of accepting gives them time to find a new date and takes the pressure off of you. Be gentle with your words.
- One way to phrase it could be, "I wanted to talk to you about prom. I'm really flattered that you asked me, and I know I said yes to going with you, but I can't anymore." If they ask for an explanation, be honest. "I don't want to go with a date anymore," "I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone by turning you down," or, "I don't want to go to prom," are all fine.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Suggesting Alternatives

1
Offer to hang out with them at prom. Let them know that, while you don't want to go to prom with them, you're happy to take a picture together or dance with them if you bump into each other at the event.
2
Offer to help them find another date. Maybe you know someone else who would love to go with them, or they have someone else they were also thinking of asking. Ask them if they want you to put in a good word for them or find out if someone else is interested.^{[4]
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- To offer them help with finding another date, you could say, "I'm sorry that I can't go with you; is there anyone else you were thinking of asking? Maybe I can help set you two up!"
- If you know someone else who is interested, try, "Thank you for asking, but I have to say no. I know someone else who would love for you to ask them, though!"
3
Say you'd love to hang out, just not at prom. If you aren't going to prom, or want to go with someone else, let them know you aren't against hanging out with them some other time. Offer to plan an outing where you can spend some time together away from prom.^{[5]
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- For example, you could say, “I'm flattered you've asked me, but I already have other plans. How about we hang out some other time and maybe grab some pizza?”
4
Be kind. It's hard to muster up the courage to ask someone to be your date to prom, so try not to hurt their feelings. Stay kind, polite, and empathetic: use a softer tone of voice, don't laugh at them, and don't gossip about them to others.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you politely reject someone to homecoming?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Acknowledge that the person feels highly of you! You could say "Wow, that's really sweet. I'm so flattered that you thought of me to go to homecoming with you, but it's not something I can do." You could also say something like "I'm actually waiting for someone very specific to ask me" or "I already have another date." As you end the conversation, say "I hope you find someone else who would love to go with you."
Question

How do I let down a guy that is sensitive and will cry himself to sleep?

Community Answer

Be respectful about it, but don’t feel guilty. It’s up to you to go with who you want. It is also more unkind to lead him on than let him down.
Question

How do I tell a guy I don't want to go to prom with him because he was being disrespectful? I don't want to be rude, but I want to be honest.

Community Answer

It is perfectly reasonable of you to be honest in this situation, and with any luck this guy will amend his behavior after you talk to him. Just be direct. Say something like, "You're a nice guy, [his name], but I have to tell you, your behavior the other day really turned me off." Then just tell him specifically what he did that you didn't like.