Are You and Your Crush Both Shy? Here's How to Break the Ice and Talk to Them

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 28, 2022

If there’s someone you can’t stop thinking about or you get butterflies when they walk by, you probably have a crush. Approaching your crush is nerve wracking enough, but it can be even harder when you and your crush are a little shy. Thankfully, there are a few ways you can break the ice and have a fun conversation with the person you like without feeling awkward.

This article is based on an interview with our personal development and dating coach, Eddy Baller. Check out the full interview here.

1

Pick a few conversation topics ahead of time.

Think about a few things you and your crush might talk about. Since they’re shy, too, focus on things you know they like so they can talk a lot about them. For instance, if your crush is in band, you might ask them how practice is going or if they’re excited to perform at homecoming.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- If your crush likes art, you could talk about your artistic skills and which mediums you’ve been using.
- If you know your crush is into music, ask them if they’ve seen any live bands lately.

2

Text your crush to get the ball rolling.

Texting them is way easier than chatting in person. If you don’t have their number, ask around or hit them up on social media. Shoot them a text to get a conversation started in an easy, casual way.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Try texting something like, “Hey, this is Brad. We have math class together.”
- Or, “Hey, it’s Jamie. Did you do the English assignment yet?”

3

Hit them up on social media.

If you don’t have their number, this is the way to go. Find them on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter and follow them if you aren’t already. Send them a DM saying hey and ask them how it’s going to start a conversation.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For example, you could say, “Hey! What’s up?”
- Or, “Hi! How’d you do on that test?”

4

Make eye contact when you see them in person.

Eye contact is an invitation to come over and chat. When you spot your crush in person, try to catch their eye. When you do, give them a small smile or even a wave. If your crush is feeling bold that day, they might even come talk to you!^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- However, if your crush is super shy, they might be too nervous to come and talk to you, and that’s okay.

5

Lead the conversation by asking for help.

This is a great ice breaker that you can use to start a conversation. If you’re in the same class together, ask your crush for help with the homework or on an assignment. From there, you can segue into talking about other things or venting about the teacher. Say something like:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “Hey, have you studied for the exam yet? I’m really having trouble with integrals.”
- “Hi! I’m having trouble understanding this question. Do you think you could help me out?”

6

Follow up with small talk.

Ease into your conversation with casual, easy conversation topics. Things like your school’s sports teams, your favorite band, or even how bad the school lunches are can get you two chatting for a long time. Try saying things like:^{[6]
X
Research source}
- “Wow, your band shirt is so cool. Have you seen them in person?”
- “Have you heard we’re getting meatloaf again today? Gross!”

7

Bond over shared interests.

What does your crush like to do? Check out their social media pages for some inspiration. If you both love sports, ask them if they caught the big game yesterday. If you’re both into the same TV show, ask them if they’ve seen the most recent episode. It’s a good way to bond and come up with quick conversation starters.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “Did you catch the football game last night? I was biting my nails in the third quarter.”
- Or, “Have you seen the most recent episode of Rick and Morty? What’d you think?”

8

Ask them open-ended questions.

Pick things that your crush can’t answer with “yes” or “no.” It will keep the conversation going, even if they’re feeling shy. You’ll also get to learn more about your crush, and they can learn more about you! Ask things like:^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- “What’s your favorite band?”
- “Which instruments do you play?”
- “When did you start painting?”
- “What’s your favorite thing to do after school?”

9

Flirt by using body language.

Touch your crush on the arm and laugh at their jokes. If you’re sitting down, angle your body toward theirs and give them your full attention. While this all may sound subtle, it can really clue your crush into the fact that you like them, and it might make them feel more confident.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- You might also pat them on the hand or lean in close while you two chat.

10

Give your crush some space as you chat.

Shy people appreciate it when you respect their bubble. When you chat with your crush, try to take a step back, and don’t lean in super close. They’ll like that you’re respecting their boundaries, and it could make your crush start to like you.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- A lot of times, flirty body language tips will suggest getting in close to the person you like. However, since your crush is shy, it’s important to leave some room so they don’t get overwhelmed.

11

Fake your confidence if you need to.

There's definitely some truth to the phrase “fake it until you make it.” Even if you feel super nervous or shy around your crush, if you pretend like you aren’t, you’ll eventually feel better. Before you even start thinking about approaching your crush, try to hold your head high and remember that you’re awesome.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- It might help to give yourself a little pep talk before you head over to chat with your crush. In your head, say things like, “I’m funny and super fun to talk to,” and, “I’m going to say hi to my crush, and it’s gonna go super well.”

12

Aim to become friends first.

It will take the pressure off of both of you. Instead of trying to get your crush romantically interested in you, approach them like you would approach a friend. Learn more about them and get to know them before attempting to ask them out or make a move.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- If you do want to ask them out, try taking them to a school dance. It’s a good way to let them know that you’re interested in them as more than just a friend.