How to Talk to Your Crush Even Though You Are Shy

Co-authored by John Keegan

Talking to your crush can be intimidating for anyone, but this is especially true if you're shy. However, if you use a simple conversation starter, it’ll be easy, even if you are shy. Confidence is key, so take a deep breath, be yourself, and go for it!

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Working Up Your Courage

1
Practice saying hello to people. The more you practice, the easier and more familiar the process of introducing yourself gets. Build this skill by complimenting or saying hello to at least one person a day. Greet classmates and make conversation with the people who sit near you in class. Once you feel more confident, try saying hello to your crush.^{[1]
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- Take baby steps. Start with a simple "hello." Once you feel more confident, ask people how they are doing. Eventually, you'll gain enough courage to talk to your crush!
- You don't have to say "hello." You can use another greeting that comes more naturally to you, such as "hi!" or "hey!"
2
Think of several topics you could talk about. If you know a little about your crush, think of several of their interests that you could ask them about, or some common interests that you could both discuss. If you don’t know anything about them, think of some general topics that you could both easily talk about, such as pop culture or current events.
- For example, if you know that they’re involved in sports or music, you could plan to ask them, “Hey, how did the game last night go?” or “I heard that your band is doing really well! When's your next show?”
- If you’re in the same class or activity, mention that or make a joke. This can help you develop an inside joke or something to return to the next time you talk.
- Preparing a little doesn’t mean you should script the entire conversation beforehand--be present and genuine when talking to your crush.
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3
Take some deep breaths to relax. Shyness can sometimes feel paralyzing, but taking deep breaths can help loosen up physical tension and soothe your nerves. Whenever your shyness feels too overwhelming, take a moment to inhale and exhale deeply a few times.
- Try deep breathing. Inhale for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, then exhale for 8 counts.
4
Smile to look and feel confident. Smiling is a powerful way to boost your mood and makes you appear more friendly and attractive. Even the action of smiling can relax your body and improve your outlook. When you’re feeling nervous around your crush, give them a confident smile.
- This doesn't mean that you have to smile 100% of the time like a Barbie doll. Instead, flash them a quick smile to show that you are comfortable around them.
- Try to smile with your eyes as well; this will make your expression look more natural.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Making Conversation

1
Open with a compliment. If you’ve never had a conversation with the person before, it can be difficult to find common ground or a reason to start a conversation. An easy way to make contact is to give a compliment or a comment on something they’re wearing.^{[2]
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- If they’re wearing a t-shirt with the logo of a band you like or a place you’ve been before, you have even more opportunity for a conversation. For example, you could say, “I love that band! Did you see them in concert?” or “New York is so beautiful this time of year--did you visit recently?”
- Compliments are easy because neither of you is obligated to make conversation after the initial contact, but you still have the option. And now that you’ve initiated, you can smile and acknowledge them when you see them, which can also build your connection.
2
Ask for a small favor. Asking to borrow a pencil or a piece of paper is an easy, low-pressure way to open communication. This kind of interaction creates what is known as the “Ben Franklin effect”: the person you ask a favor of is actually more likely to like you and develop a connection with you.^{[3]
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- Obviously, constantly asking someone for favors could become annoying, so don’t do this too often. Once or twice at most should be enough.
3
Offer to study together. If you’re in the same class, studying together can be an easy low-pressure way talk to them for a longer period of time. Before a quiz or test, casually ask your crush if they’d like to get together and study for a while.^{[4]
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- For example, you could say in a friendly tone, “Hey, how are you feeling about the test tomorrow? Want to go over the vocabulary together tonight?”
- Depending on how well you know your crush, you could either study in a public place, such as the library or a coffee shop, or at your house.
- If you’ve never talked to your crush before, you could put together a study group with some other classmates and casually invite your crush as well. This way, your invitation is low-pressure and general, rather than obvious and out of the blue.
4
Ask questions. Once you’ve initiated conversation, asking your crush questions is the easiest way to keep it going. Questions also show your crush that you’re genuinely interested in them and can take some pressure off of you. If you’re feeling extra shy, try asking a question and letting the other person talk to give you some time to compose yourself.^{[5]
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- Some topics you could ask about include their interests, hobbies, job, plans for the weekend, or pop culture recommendations (such as favorite books or movies).
5
Maintain good eye contact. Being shy can make it difficult to hold eye contact, but fight the urge to drop your gaze. Show your crush that you’re interested in what they’re saying by making eye contact during the conversation. Constant intense eye contact can be as bad as not making any, so a good rule for eye contact is to hold your crush’s gaze 1/3 of the time while you’re speaking and 2/3 of the time while you’re listening.^{[6]
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- Keeping eye contact is important because it shows the other person that you are listening to what they are saying.
- The reason you don't want to maintain eye contact 100% of the time is simply because it's unnerving.
- Break eye contact occasionally by focusing on something else for few seconds; it can even be an object behind their shoulder or even your lap, if you're sitting.

Conversation Help

Text or Messaging Conversation Starters for Your Crush

In-Person Conversation Starters with Your Crush

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you talk to your crush without being nervous?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try focusing on your breath if you're nervous. It's a natural thing to be attracted to someone, and it's okay if it gets your adrenaline pumping. However, you can calm yourself by paying attention to something real, like your breathing.
Question

What do you talk about with your crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Keep the conversation light and playful. You do want to be sincere, so it's okay to go a little deeper sometimes depending on the conversation, but don't throw all your feelings at them right away.
Question

What should you tell your crush to make them smile?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Tell them how you feel! Don't beat around the bush—you're not stealing from the cookie jar. You don't want to throw it all out there and ask the person to marry you right away, but you can say things like, "You're easy to talk to," "You're beautiful," or "I'd love to meet up again sometime."