This article was written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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You’ve been chatting with this guy for a little while, but you’re getting some pretty weird vibes from him. Are you just overthinking things, or is the new man in your life a genuine creeper? We’ve got your back. Keep reading for red flags and warning signs that this guy is bad news. Even if he doesn’t match up with the signs on this list, don’t be afraid to follow your gut—your sense of comfort always comes first, and you deserve to be around people who make you feel safe and at ease.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
He disrespects your boundaries.
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Nice, trustworthy guys have no problem giving you space. Maybe you get 1 too many social media notifications from him, or you feel like you’re bumping into him a little too often. Truly nice, non-creepy guys will respect your space and let you take the first move on your terms.[1] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- There’s nothing wrong with a guy leaving an occasional like or comment on your profile. However, it’s definitely a problem if he’s constantly interacting with and replying to all of your posts.
- A creeper might constantly look for opportunities to hang out and spend time with you, while a respectful guy will give you space and keep things casual.
- A creepy guy might randomly pop up at your workplace, or look for chances to cross paths with you at school.
- Don’t be afraid to block and cut all contact with a guy who refuses to respect your boundaries.
His body language is really awkward.
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He might avoid eye contact or watch you a lot without starting a conversation. Certain studies show that specific types of body language can make someone seem especially creepy. According to this research, a creepy guy might:
- Stand really close to you without respecting your boundaries
- Laugh at random, awkward times
- Lick his lips a lot
- Talk without making eye contact[2] X Research source
- If you’re chatting with a guy online, you obviously won’t be able to observe his body language—but there are still signs you can watch out for! Online creepers tend to ask a lot of personal questions, follow people on multiple social media platforms at once, and send constant streams of messages.[3] X Research source
He doesn’t seem to have any friends.
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A guy’s social circle (or lack thereof) says a lot about his personality. Of course, it’s never good to judge someone by the number of friends they have—but it’s definitely a red flag when someone doesn’t seem to have any friends at all. Chances are, he’s giving off some distinctly unpleasant vibes that are keeping people around him at bay.
- Plus, guys who don’t have friend groups of their own can end up being really needy in a relationship.[4] X Research source
He talks badly about other people.
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If he’s disrespectful to other people, he’ll be disrespectful to you, too. There’s nothing wrong with venting about a frustrating person or situation, but he shouldn’t be using every conversation to put other people down. Plus, who’s to say that he isn’t talking about you in his conversations with other people?
- An especially big red flag is a guy who constantly talks badly about his ex. Constant blaming and insults signify that he can’t hold himself accountable for his actions, and that he’ll always be passing the blame onto someone else.[5] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- He might also make uncomfortable, objectifying comments about the people around him—including your friends.
He brings up uncomfortable topics in conversation.
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Creepy guys tend to cross the line really quickly. Small talk is fine, but it can quickly turn creepy once a guy starts asking you about your childhood, prodding you for personal information, or making unwanted comments and advances.[6] X Research source
- A creepy guy might make compliment a certain part of your body instead of giving you a more general compliment.
He asks to take a picture with you.
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Unless you’re a celebrity, this is a pretty creepy thing to ask someone. There’s nothing wrong with taking pics and selfies with your friends, but it’s a whole other ordeal to snap pics with a guy you barely know. Asking for a selfie is definitely a red flag—at the very least, it shows that he doesn’t know how to read the room or respect boundaries.
- Creepers also tend to pressure people for nudes.[7] X Research source
He texts you quickly and expects a quick reply.
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Creepers tend to have unrealistic and overwhelming expectations when it comes to texting. There’s nothing wrong with a friendly text once in a while, but it’s a bad sign when he starts blowing up your phone. It’s an even bigger red flag if he asks why you aren’t responding right away.[8] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source In his texts, he might pester you with harassing messages, like:
- “Who’s the guy who keeps replying to your tweets?”
- “Why are you taking so long to reply?”
- “Who’s the dude you just followed on Instagram?”
- It’s not automatically crossing a line if he sends the occasional double text, but it’s definitely bad if he’s sending text after text without any sense of boundaries. Follow your gut—if his texting habits feel weird and overbearing, they probably are.
He acts like a toxic “Nice Guy.”
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These toxic men believe that basic courtesy entitles them to some sort of relationship. Nice Guys tend to brag that they’re “nice,” which is a big red flag in and of itself. They may also talk a lot about why their past relationships didn’t work out, or make excuses about how a person’s standards don’t line up with the guys they actually go out with.[9] X Research source You might hear a Nice Guy say something like:
- “She was more into bad boys, so we didn’t end up going out.”
- “I’m a really nice guy—I always hold the door open for people.”
- “Women always talk about wanting to date nice, respectful guys, but completely ignore the guys who are actually nice to them.”
He’s constantly keeping score.
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You feel awkward accepting favors because he might bring them up later. Maybe he offers to buy you a coffee one day, only to use his “super kind gesture” as a means of manipulating you into doing something for him (like going on a date or hanging out). You don’t feel comfortable doing anything with him, since you’re afraid of it being used as ammunition in a future conversation.
- He might offer to spot you money for a meal or drink, only to use this act of generosity to guilt you into going out with him.
- He might make comments about how you “owe him” from before, or constantly focus on the nice things he’s done for you in the past.
He makes decisions for you.
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Healthy relationships require a fair amount of compromise and autonomy. This includes the various plans and decisions you make when you’re together. Let’s say you met him at a bar or restaurant, only to find him picking out your drink and dish. This is definitely creepy behavior, as it shows that he doesn’t respect your authority.[10] X Research source
- There’s nothing wrong with a guy offering advice or a recommendation. It only becomes a problem when he makes his opinions and preferences non-negotiable.
- Creepy guys also tend to assume that you always need their help, rather than giving you the breathing room you need to learn and grow independently.
He can’t accept rejection.
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Nice, respectful guys can understand and accept when things don’t work out. Think back to your past conversations—did you ever reject or say “no” to him? If so, how did he respond? Creepers tend to go off the handle and say incredibly rude things when situations don’t go their way, so keep an eye out for that kind of behavior.[11] X Research source
- Let’s say you decline a guy’s invitation because you have something work-related to focus on. He might comment about how you “don’t think about others” and how “you’re self-centered.”
- Getting rejected is never easy, but rude, disrespectful comments are never an acceptable response.
- Creepy guys also have a dubious understanding of consent, which is extremely unhealthy. You should never feel coerced or pressured into doing something you’re not 100% down for, whether it’s accepting a drink, going out somewhere, or doing something physical. Any guy who doesn’t understand that “no” means “no” is definitely a creeper.[12] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
He makes idle threats.
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Even when said as a joke, violent language is a big red flag. Threats and verbal abuse are common warning signs in an abusive relationship—so, you know a guy is bad news if he’s already making intimidating and threatening remarks before you’re even together.[13] X Research source
- A creeper might comment about how “it’s good that he’s not like other guys,” implying that something really bad could happen if he wasn’t such a “nice guy.” Even if he’s “just joking,” no joke should ever make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Warnings
- Don’t be afraid to call the police if a guy is stalking you and invading your personal privacy.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags/
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/what-makes-a-person-creepy-and-what-purpose-do-our-creep-detectors-serve-a-psychologist-explains/l
- ↑ https://www.bonobology.com/creepy-guys-on-dating-apps/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-futurist/202103/never-date-man-who-doesnt-have-any-real-friends
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags/
- ↑ https://www.bonobology.com/creepy-guys-on-dating-apps/
- ↑ https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/2660710/woman-sick-creepy-men-demanding-sex-tinder-shames-them/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags/
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/nice-guy-syndrome-dating-tactics-persona-men-women-relationships-a7476651.html
- ↑ https://www.teendvmonth.org/resources/signs-teen-dating-violence/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26198244/why-do-males-reject-to-rejection-aggressively/
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/news/early-warning-signs-dating-violence
- ↑ https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips