How to Save a Dying Tinder Conversation

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: February 10, 2023 References

So you’ve swiped right on someone awesome and started chatting. Things are off to a great start! But what happens when the conversation starts to dry up and neither of you seems to have anything to say? In this article, we’ve put together a few tricks and tips for keeping the convo going with that special someone on Tinder.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Joshua Pompey, founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 15:

Signs You Can Salvage a Tinder Conversation

Reviving a Tinder conversation is almost always worth a shot! Here are a few keys signs you’re in good shape:
- You’ve exchanged messages at least once in the last few days so the door’s still open.
- You’re willing to take the initiative and try out a new conversation starter.
- They’re ghosting but haven’t directly turned you down yet.

Section 2 of 15:

Tell an interesting story.

Think of something funny or unusual that happened recently. Talking a little about something that’s happening in your life can be a great way to break the ice. Jump right into the story just like you would while talking to a friend or family member. This is a better way to get the conversation flowing naturally than starting with small-talk, and it’ll also show off your fun, spontaneous side.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Starting off with an interesting opening line might be enough to get things moving again. Try leaving it at that and see if they respond before you say more.
- For instance, you could start with something like, “Oh man, work was crazy today. The expresso machine literally blew up!” or, “You’re never gonna guess who walked into my office this morning.”

Section 3 of 15:

Ask an open-ended question.

Avoid “yes” or “no” questions. Asking a question is a great way to get a conversation moving. Not only does it show that you’re interested in them, but it also puts the ball in their court!^{[2]
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Research source} Stick to questions that require a little thought or an answer that’s more than just 1 word.^{[3]
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Research source} When you’re just starting out, keep it light and avoid sensitive topics, like politics or religion.
- To show you’ve been paying attention, try asking about something they mentioned earlier in the conversation. For instance, “Hey, how was that movie you were watching the other day?” or “What happened with that job interview?”
- If they answer, keep the conversation going with follow-up questions. For example, “Awesome, I’ve been meaning to check that movie out. How do you think it compares to the original version from the ‘70s?”
- You can ask questions about a wide variety of topics, like their interests and hobbies, their background, or their sense of humor. Or, try some deeper conversation starters, like “What’s a skill you’ve always wanted to learn?” or “What’s your favorite place in the world, and why?”^{[4]
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Section 4 of 15:

Talk about a common interest.

It’s much easier to connect when you have something in common. Maybe you both love the same TV show, went to the same college, or share a similar hobby. Whatever it is, use it as a jumping-off point for more conversation.^{[5]
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- For instance, try something like, “It’s so cool that you’re into photography, too! How long have you been doing that?”
- You might be able to get a good sense of things you have in common by looking at their profile or reading back over your previous conversation.
- You can also try asking questions to get a better idea of what they’re into, like “What TV shows are you watching lately?” or, “Who are your favorite authors?”

Section 5 of 15:

Give them a sincere compliment.

If you think they’re awesome, go ahead and say it! A compliment is a great confidence-booster for your potential love interest, and it will also take some of the focus off of you if you’re feeling self-conscious.^{[6]
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Research source} Be sincere, but keep the tone light and flirty.
- You could say something like, “You know what? You’re pretty cute.” Or, “You’re so funny! Talking to you is a blast.”

Section 6 of 15:

Chat about your pets.

There’s a reason so many people have dogs in their profile pics. Pets are cute, fun, and easy to talk about. Displaying your love for your pets is also a great way to show off your nurturing side, which a lot of people find seriously attractive.^{[7]
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Research source} If you have pets, share a picture or a funny story, or ask your prospective bae to do the same.
- There’s even science to back this one up—studies show that having a pet is one of the best ways to bond with other people and make new friends!^{[8]
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  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
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- For instance, share a picture of your cat curled up on your keyboard and say something like, “Look who’s helping me get work done this morning.”
- If they have a pet, bring it up. Say something like, “I can’t stop thinking about that rabbit in your profile pic, it looks too cute and fluffy to be real.”

Section 7 of 15:

Send a funny gif.

A gif is a quick and playful way to show you’re still interested. This is also a great move if you’re really not sure what to say. Choose one that’s flirty, funny, or relevant to something you’ve already chatted about.^{[9]
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- For example, if you’re talking to a Supernatural fan, you can’t go wrong with Dean Winchester doing a flirty wink!

Section 8 of 15:

Share some pictures.

But keep it PG. People love looking at pictures, and photos of your day-to-day life can be a great way to give your potential date an idea of what you’re really like. Don’t be afraid to ask them to send pics, too—just don’t get pushy or ask them to share something they don’t seem comfortable with.^{[10]
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- For example, you might send a picture of the delicious meal you just cooked or an interesting landscape you discovered while out walking.
- You can also say things like, “Your cat sounds adorbs, I’d love to see a pic!”
- Don’t send (or ask for) nudes or pictures of your junk unless they’ve told you they’re interested. That’s a good way to make things turn awkward, fast—or scare someone off completely.

Section 9 of 15:

Get a little flirty.

After all, you’re both on a dating app. If you’re too shy about letting them know how you feel, they might get the impression you’re not interested. Keep the spark alive by dropping some subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints that you’re into them and want to take it to the next level. ^{[11]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- Unless your hopefully future bae has already made it really clear that they’re interested in getting naughty, keep your flirting PG-13 at first.
- For instance, you might say something like, “Wow, you’re cute, smart, and you love shawarma? Where have you been all my life? ;)”

Section 10 of 15:

Take it slow with sexting unless they’re into it.

Putting the pressure on too early can scare people off. Keep it cool unless they’ve already let you know that they’d like to spice things up a bit. If you’re really not sure whether they’re interested, try dropping some subtle hints and see if they take the bait.^{[12]
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- For instance, you can try something like, “I wish you were here with me right now,” or “That photo you sent me yesterday was so hot.” If they respond in a flirty or sexy way, keep it going!

Section 11 of 15:

Suggest taking the chat to a new platform.

Chatting over text can be a bit limiting. Even if you’re not ready to meet in person, there are other options for taking the interaction up a notch. Say something like, “Hey, wanna FaceTime?” or “Can I give you a call? I’d love to hear your voice.”^{[13]
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Section 12 of 15:

Wait a day or two and try again if things totally die.

It’s okay to follow up if things have been quiet. You don’t want to blow up their phone with messages, but don’t let them think you forgot about them, either!^{[14]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} If you haven’t heard from your Tinder crush in a while, send them a quick message and see if they answer.
- You can either just jump in or follow up on something you already talked about.^{[15]
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  Research source} For example, “You know that Netflix series you recommended? Well, I checked it out, and it was incredible!”
- If you haven’t heard from them in a couple of days, don’t assume they’ve lost interest—it could just mean they’ve been busy. If they’re quick to answer your message, that’s a good sign that they want to keep things going.

Section 13 of 15:

Ask them out if texting isn’t going anywhere.

There’s only so much progress you can make over text. If the conversation is starting to feel awkward and repetitive, but you’re both into each other, that might be a sign that it’s time to take the next step. It’s usually a safe bet to ask after 3-4 days of chatting.^{[16]
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- Keep it light and casual. Say something like, “You seem really cool. Would you be up for hanging out in person this weekend?” or “I’d love to chat with you face to face! Do you have any free time in the next few days?”
- Some people are just more comfortable talking in person, so don’t assume they aren’t interested just because they’re not super chatty over text.

Section 14 of 15:

Move on if they still don’t seem interested.

Don’t take it personally if it doesn’t work out. It can be a bummer when that cute person you’ve been chatting with loses interest. But if you just can’t get the conversation going again, do your best to let it go and focus on meeting someone else.
- Forming romantic connections is always complicated, but with time and practice, you’ll get more comfortable with it.
- If they start to go longer and longer without answering your texts, or if their answers are brief and unfriendly, these might be signs that they’re not into it.^{[17]
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  Joshua Pompey
  Relationship Expert
  Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}

Section 15 of 15:

Try to stay chill, whatever happens.

Chatting up a stranger can feel awkward. But do your best not to worry about the outcome. Instead, look at it as a fun way to pass the time, and take it moment by moment. Relax, be bold, and try not to focus too much on what the other person is going to think—you’ll probably both enjoy the conversation a lot more that way!^{[18]
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