How to Run From an Abusive Home As a Teenager

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: March 17, 2023 References

Everyone deserves to feel safe. If you're stuck in an abusive household, you may decide to build up the courage to leave. There are many resources available to you to get you out of your home and into a safe environment. Consider your decision and reach out to other sources before you decide to run away from home.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Running Away Safely

1
Talk to an adult you trust. If you are experiencing or witnessing any type of abuse in your home, let someone know. You do not have to suffer in silence. Let a neighbor, teacher, school counselor, or another adult family member know what is happening in your home. There are people who want to help you.^{[1]
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- Your abuser may have threatened you or told you not to tell; do not listen to them.
- If the first person you tell does not believe you, find another adult and tell them. Not every adult is a good listener, and if you aren't taken seriously, it doesn't mean your problem isn't real or serious.
- The adult you tell may call the police or call Child Protective Services.^{[2]
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2
Consider your decision. Running away from home is a big decision. You want to stay in an abusive situation, but you are not sure how you can make it on your own. Also, living on the streets can be very dangerous. Ask yourself some questions before you run away:^{[3]
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- Do you have somewhere to go?
- Do you have resources?
- How will you continue to go to school and get an education?
- Who will you depend on if you leave home?
- What will you do about it?
- Have you reached out to anyone about your situation at home?
- Is there anything you can do to make things better at home?
- Have you considered other options to make your home a safer place?
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3
Make a plan. If you decide that you want to run away, you need to make a plan to ensure that you stay safe and have the things that you need. You may have to stay at home a little longer until you get your affairs in order. Make a list of the things you will need to survive. Your list may include:
- Food
- Shelter
- Transportation
- Clothing
- Money
4
Save money. Having money will allow you to have food, transportation, and pay for shelter if you need to. Begin to save as much money as you can. If you have a job, begin saving the money you make in a safe place. If you do not have a job, find a way to make some extra money.
- Good ways to make quick money include doing odd jobs around your neighborhood, babysitting, taking care of other people's pets, running your own business (e.g. sell candy, give manicures, sell any extra items) and house-sitting for friends and neighbors. If you get lunch money everyday, try to eat light or skip lunch and save the money instead.
- If you are 18, you can open a bank account on your own to keep your money. If you are still a minor, you will not be able to open an account without your parent or legal guardian.^{[4]
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5
Find somewhere to stay. A safe place to stay is the number one thing you need. Find a supportive family member, friend, or youth shelter in your area. It is best to know where you are going before you leave the house. If you do not know of anywhere to stay, call some of the numbers below:^{[5]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- In the United States call Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or the National Runaway Safeline at 1-800-786-2929.
- In the UK call 0800 1111 (NSPCC Childline)
- In Australia call 1800 688 009 (CAPS)
- In New Zealand call 0800-543-754 (Kidsline)
- In the US, call 911 if it gets too serious.
- Child Helpline International also maintains a list of numbers if you live in any other country.
- If you need to get out of the house immediately and do not know anywhere to go, go to a library, police station, fire station, or any public place that stays open 24/7.
6
Hide your plans from your abuser(s). If they realize that you're trying to escape, they will do everything they can to stop you. If they know where you're going, they'll follow you and try to take you back.^{[6]
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- Also, avoid telling people who obey your abusers. For example, if you have an abusive mother and your father is a pushover, then your mother may be able to get information from your father about your plans.
7
Pack your bag. Pack a bag with all of your essentials. Only take the things that you need because you do not want to have carry something that is too heavy. Take items such as clothes, medications, food, some form of ID, phone, and your social security card.
- If you take a mobile phone, be careful. Your parent will be able to track you through your phone. If you can afford to, get a cheap phone that your parents don't know about.
- Keep a list of contacts with you at all times such as police, emergency personnel, or anyone else who can help you in an emergency.
8
Understand the risks. Staying in an abusive home is bad, but you may also face some serious problems after you run away from home if you are not prepared. It is important that you think about what your life will really be like after you run away and have a good plan in place so that you can stay safe. If you run away:^{[7]
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- You are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, poor health, low self-esteem, poor nutrition, and have suicidal thoughts. Try to stay in touch with supportive friends, adults, or family members who can keep your spirits up.
- You will have more difficulty attending school and completing your education. You will need to have a proof of residence and your immunization records to stay in school.
- You may struggle to support yourself financially and get a job. Save some money or get a job so you do not have to do illegal or unsafe things (e.g. sell drugs or use your body).
- If you have a safe place to sleep, save money before you leave, and a way to stay in school, you should be able to avoid most of these.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Getting Help Outside of Your Home

1
Report any abuse that you are receiving. If you do not have an adult to talk to and wish to report the abuse you are experiencing, you can call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Press 1 after you dial the number to connect to a counselor. The counselor can then make a three way call with your local Child Protective Services so that you can report the abuse.^{[8]
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- This number is free to call and is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- The counselor can explain to you what will happen after you file an abuse report.
- If you are not in the United States, contact your country's local police.
2
Call the National Runaway Safeline. If you live in the United States and are thinking about running away or you have already run away, call 1-800-786-2929. This number will connect you to an experienced professional who can help you with whatever you need. You can speak anonymously or give some identifying information. If you provide any identifying information, the person will have to report your situation to law enforcement.^{[9]
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- You can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- When you call the hotline, it is up to you how much information you share.
- A counselor can also help you plan how you will run away and access some resources for teenagers in your situation.
3
Find a Safe Place. In the United States, a National Safe Place is a school, fire station, library, or youth-friendly business that has agreed to offer help to teens who are in need. These locations will have a poster on the building to signify that they are part of the safety net for youth. You can call 1-888-290-7233.^{[10]
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- You can also text "SAFE" and your address, city, and state to 69-866. You will then receive a text message with the nearest Safe Place and a phone number for a local youth shelter.
- If you want to get connected to a counselor, you can text "2CHAT" to get more help.
- This is a great option if you have already run away or need to get out of your home immediately.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Coping

1
Expect to be in a state of shock at first. You may feel numb, extremely emotional, or confused during the first few days or weeks of running away. This is normal.^{[11]
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- Self doubt is normal. Doubting whether it was abuse is not uncommon, either. If need be, write things down (such as facts about your abuse, or facts about your independence skills) to help you stay grounded.
2
Expect for your trauma symptoms to get worse at first. Years of abuse result in many suppressed emotions, so when you're safe, everything you have suppressed will start coming up.^{[12]
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Research source} While it feels horrible, it's a step towards recovery. Give yourself time and space to process everything, and don't punish yourself for suffering or needing to rest.
3
Be prepared for your abuser(s) to react in the most hurtful or upsetting way possible. This is a manipulation tactic. They may get in contact with your friends, try to reach you on social media, or otherwise make their reaction clear to you. If they find out where you are, they may try to interfere with your ability to stay there. Recognize that they will try to manipulate you into returning, however they can.^{[13]
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- Trying to guilt you into coming back
- Pretending not to need you
- Playing the victim
4
Recognize that some people will side with your abuser(s).^{[14]
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Research source} This may be because your abuser got to them, or because they don't understand your situation, or because they tend to blame the victim instead of admitting that sometimes bad things can happen to good people. Stay away from people who try to force or manipulate you back into an abusive situation. They are not your friends.
5
Remember that your abuser(s) lied to you. They may have gotten you to believe that you are worthless, incapable of anything, weak, and powerless. As you start taking control of your life, you may slowly start discovering that it was all a lie.^{[15]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Knowing Your Legal Rights

1
Consider the potential legal consequences. In most states, running away from home is not considered a crime. If you run away repeatedly, you may become under the supervision of juvenile court or family court. The legal system can provide services to your family or can punish (e.g. fines, drug testing, curfews, suspended driving privileges) you and your family. You also may have to go live with a family member or in a foster home.
- It is illegal to run away in Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Nebraska, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wyoming if you are under the age of 18. If you do run away in one of these states, then you may be detained by the police, taken to a homeless shelter, or the police officer may try to take you back home.^{[16]
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2
Stop if you encounter a police officer. If a police officer stops you, do not resist. If you resist, you could be charged with a crime or become injured. Tell the police that you have run away from home because of abuse. The police officer can report the abuse to child protective services, and they will conduct an investigation into your abuse allegations.^{[17]
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- The police may also take you to a shelter, crisis center, or Juvenile Hall to keep you safe. Be sure to tell the police that you are afraid to go home.
- While some states do have criminal charges for children who run away from home, there are also services available to children who run away from home and for their families as well. Talking to a police office may help you to access these services, which is preferable to a life on the streets.^{[18]
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3
Get a new legal guardian. Legal custody can be transferred from your parents to another adult over the age of 18. If you have a relative or an adult friend who is willing to become your legal guardian, this may be an option for you. Your parents do not have to agree with your decision. A judge can decide if this is the best option for you.
- The National Runaway Safeline can refer you to legal services to help you complete your paperwork and get information. These process can be very overwhelming and difficult to complete on your own.
- You must file your guardianship paperwork at the courthouse and make an appointment to meet with he judge. Once you meet with the judge, the judge will decide if guardianship is best for you. Your parents will be notified that you have filed the papers.
- A legal guardian will assume all the rights and responsibilities that your parents had.
- The process for filing papers varies by state.
4
Emancipate yourself. Emancipation is a good option if you already have a job, a place to live, and are able to support yourself. Once you become legally emancipated, you are given all of the rights and responsibilities of someone who is 18 years of age or older.
- You will have to file papers and go before a judge to plead your case. You must show the judge that you can take care of yourself and have good reason to seek emancipation.
- Emancipation is permanent and there is no going back. Be sure this is what you want to do.
- In most states, the minimum age for legal emancipation is 16, but in California children as young as 14 may be emancipated.^{[19]
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