How to React When a Boy Asks You Out

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: October 3, 2022 References

It’s easy to get flustered when a guy asks you out, even if you’re expecting it. By knowing the gracious ways to accept a date – whether you’re asked in person or online – and the best ways to turn an unwanted date down, you can be prepared to react well when a guy asks you out.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Accepting a Date Request in Person

1
Remain calm. If you've been waiting a long time for this particular guy to ask you out, it’s easy to get flustered or overly excited. Instead, remain calm while letting him know that you’re excited about the date. Smile and tell him you’d love to go on a date.
2
Give him a straight answer. It can be tempting to play hard-to-get when a guy asks you on a date, but you should try not to.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} If he had the courage to ask you out, you should give him a straight answer as soon as possible, instead of playing hard to get.^{[2]
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- For example, you should say something like “I’d love to go out with you!” instead of “Well, let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
- It is okay to agree to the date but tell him you have to check to see when you’re available, particularly since you might be busy. Say something like “I’d love to go out – I think I’m free next Friday but let me check my calendar.”
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3
Suggest somewhere you can focus on each other. If he doesn’t ask you to go on a date to a specific location, you can respond to his date request by making a suggestion yourself. This has the double benefit of letting him know you’re excited about the date and making sure you go somewhere where you feel comfortable.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- Examples of good first date places are quiet coffee shops or bars. Try to avoid going to the movies on a first date, or going out to eat. You can’t talk in a movie so you won’t know anymore about him after the date than you did before. Trying to eat a meal and talk at the same time is also difficult.
4
Confirm your plans. It’s a good idea to confirm the plans you’ve made for your date the night before or the afternoon of the date. It lets him know you’re looking forward to the date. It also prevents you from showing up at the wrong place or at the wrong time.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Accepting an Online Date Request

1
Respond in a timely manner. If you’re on an online dating site, you know that people you might be interested in can become unavailable really quickly. So if a guy you’re interested in asks you out, respond as quickly as possible.
- You can say something like in your message back like “Thanks so much for messaging me. I’d love to go out!”
2
Meet quickly. For the same reason that you don’t want to wait too long to respond to the date request, you don’t want to wait too long to go out, either – he might get snapped up by someone else. When you message him to accept the date, make a suggestion for a date and time for it.^{[5]
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- For example, you can say something like “Thanks for asking me out – I’d love to go out! How’s Friday night at 8?”
3
Avoid having extended online conversations. The whole point of a date is to get to know someone better. It can be tempting, once you’ve been asked out, to ask him a bunch of questions. Save it for the date – where it’s easier to read body language and get a sense of what kind of guy he is.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}^{[7]
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- Unless you've established that you both love phone conversations, refrain from calling him before the first date except to discuss meeting logistics. You can do this through the dating app or website where you met.
4
Meet in a public place. Because accepting an online dating request means going out with someone you’ve never actually met, choose a public place to meet.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} This ensures there are people around during your date should anything go wrong.^{[9]
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Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Turning Him Down

1
Acknowledge his effort. If you get a date request – online or in person – from someone you’re not interested in dating, you should start by acknowledging his effort. It can be really scary to ask someone out, and he went out on a limb by doing so.^{[10]
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- For example, you can say something like “Thank you so much for asking/messaging me! I know how hard it is to take that first step.”
2
Give a clear response. Once you’ve acknowledged his effort, you need to clearly say no if you’re not interested in going out with him. Don’t say maybe and don’t say you have to think about it if you don’t.^{[11]
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- For example, you can say, “I really appreciate you asking me, but I’m just not interested.”
3
Be honest. You might be tempted to make an excuse when you turn him down to ease your rejection. However, doing this can leave your “no” open to interpretation, so try to be as honest as possible.
- For example, don’t say "I'm seeing someone" if you’re not or "I'm not looking for a relationship" if you are. The fact that you have an online dating profile suggests you are looking to date and makes these responses sound hollow.^{[12]
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- You might also be turning him down because you’re just not interested in men. Be honest about it if that’s the case.^{[13]
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4
Don’t just ignore him. If you get a date request online or in person, don’t just ignore him. Make sure you that you give him a response, even if it’s short and sweet.^{[14]
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- You can ignore this rule if you get a date request from a total stranger or if the request itself is overly aggressive or sexually explicit.

Warnings

Unless you have known and trusted someone for a long time, always meet in a public place for a first date.

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If you feel that rejecting a date offer would provoke a suddenly negative or violent reaction, first tell the person you will think about it and later address the issue in a public place.

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