How to Have a Successful One Night Stand with a Woman

Pointing you in the right direction to find the perfect one night stand partner

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: March 6, 2023 References

Meeting Women

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Sealing the Deal

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Handling the Aftermath

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Q&A

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Tips

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Warnings

Looking for a little casual fun without the commitment? A one night stand is the perfect arrangement for you. A night of no-strings-attached sex between consensual partners that know they won’t see each other again—what could be better? But if you’re feeling a little lost on how exactly to land a one night stand, we’ve got you covered. We’ll tell you exactly how to find a one night stand (in person and on dating apps), and we’ll also walk you through some of the finer points of hitting on women and practicing safe sex. Let’s dive in!

Things You Should Know

Find a woman to have a one night stand with by going to a bar or nightclub. Or, download apps like Tinder or Down.
Flirt with a woman to gauge her interest. Get to know her as a person before putting sex on the table.
Be upfront with your intentions, and always let her know you’re looking for a casual fling.
Use protection to practice safe sex and protect yourself from STDs and STIs.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting Women

1
Pick up a woman at a bar or nightclub. One timeless strategy for finding a partner for a one-time fling is to search the nightlife. Visit your favorite bar, pick up a girl at a nightclub, or post up at a lounge. Take note of the women around you and see who is alone and looks like they might be seeking company. When you find a girl you’re attracted to, strike up a conversation and offer to buy her a drink.^{[1]
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- Don’t harass a woman if she doesn’t want to be bothered or proposition her for sex right off the bat. You’ll have more success if you’re actually interested in who she is and make a connection first.
2
Use a hookup app to meet women online. In the 21st century, having a one night stand is often as easy as getting on your phone. Download a dating or hookup app designed to bring interested parties together and begin playing the field digitally. You’ll be able to tell prospective partners a little about yourself and find out a little about them. If you match with someone who catches your eye, you can begin discussing the possibility of taking things to a physical level.^{[2]
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- Certain apps, like Tinder and Down, were designed purely to match people up for hookups.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} These will be your best bet. The women on apps such as Bumble, OkCupid, and eHarmony are most likely looking for something long-term.
- You can also try apps like Feeld and Happn.
- Start a conversation on a dating app by saying something like, “That pic of your pup is so cute! How old are they?” or, “You have such a nice smile! Especially in that first pic.”
3
Chat up at a singles party. Find a social gathering hosted by someone you know and go where the action is. There will always be lots of eligible people at mixers, and you might even be able to get a mutual friend to make an introduction for you. Spend a little time flirting with different women and get a sense of which ones might be open to a carefree sexual encounter.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- If you’re all drinking, don’t flirt with anyone who’s too inebriated. Remember, a drunk person can’t consent to anything, especially not a one night stand.
- Make sure the girl you’re talking to isn’t there with someone else before you try to pick her up.
4
Have your friends set you up. Ask a close friend to play matchmaker. They may have other friends in their circle of acquaintances who are in a similar position and wouldn’t mind getting fixed up by someone they trust. Your friend will also be able to put in a good word on your behalf and vouch for the character of the girl you’re meeting, so the two of you won’t have to worry about what kind of person the other is.^{[5]
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- Ideally, look for someone your friend isn’t super close with. It’s generally a bad idea to sleep with someone if it may have a negative impact on your friendships.
- Be sure to let your friends know that you’re just looking for something casual, not a long-term relationship. That way, they can find a like-minded woman to introduce you to.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Sealing the Deal

1
Look your best to draw women in. Since one night stands are almost exclusively physical in nature, you’ll want to make yourself as alluring as possible. Shower and groom yourself meticulously. Pick out a clean, good looking outfit that accentuates your best features, and spritz on a little fragrance. Above all, project confidence. The more assured you appear, the more desirable you’ll be.^{[6]
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- Devote a little extra time to cleaning up your intimate areas if you think sex might be on the table.
2
Show an interest in a woman to get to know her. When you find a suitable partner, make an effort to learn her name and find out a bit about her. This will give you just enough insight into who you’re with to make your temporary connection memorable. Put her at ease by treating her like a person with a mind of her own, not just a sexual object. It’s one thing to have a fun fling, but no one wants to feel like they’re being used.^{[7]
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- Don’t rush things to avoid looking desperate. No one wants to get together with someone who’s just looking for an easy score.
- Pay attention to see if she's returning your interest. Coy eye contact, smiling, raised eyebrows, and a willingness to flirt in an overtly sexual manner are all good signs.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If she purses or licks her lips, touches her hair or body suggestively or emphasizes her erogenous parts to make sure you notice them, it's almost certainly a sure bet.
- There’s no time limit for setting up a one night stand. Spend as long as you want getting to know your prospective partner. Make conversation, take her out to dinner, or go for drinks. Ideally, you should both be excited by everything that comes before sex, too.
3
Make your intentions clear. As soon as the possibility of physical intimacy gets brought up, be direct with her about your desires. Don’t lie to her, misrepresent your feelings, or string her along in order to get what you want. A one night stand needs to be a consensual experience for both people. You’re both mature, responsible adults and are capable of deciding whether you can live with a one-off hookup.^{[9]
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- When it comes time to make your move, do it in a way that isn’t forceful. Say something like, “I think you’re really attractive and I’d like to make you feel good for a night, if you’re interested.”
- If she’s hopeful about seeing you again in the future, she might feel pressured to do something she otherwise wouldn’t do. That’s why it’s important to be upfront about your intentions.
4
Bring protection and practice safe sex. Always come prepared. Regardless of your gender or sex, bring condoms and dental dams. It’s also best to be upfront about any sexually transmittable infections either of you may have to avoid any unpleasant surprises later.^{[10]
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Johns Hopkins Medicine
Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital
Go to source}
- It’s always better to have protection ready than to deal with unplanned consequences later on.
- Never withhold knowledge of an STD or illness. Your partner’s health matters.
5
Get consent the entire time you two hook up. Since you've never been together before, be open to communicating with one another about your individual desires, hangups, and level of comfort. Find out whether a given technique, position or behavior is okay with her before trying or asking for it. Respect her boundaries and be careful about making her feel pressured or judged, and be clear about what is and isn't alright for you in return. As long as you're on the same page, a night of casual intimacy can be a lot of fun for both of you.^{[11]
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- A one night stand can be a great place to act out your most torrid fantasies without worrying about making things weird, but everyone has their limits. Remember that the two of you are essentially working together to satisfy each other, and, unless it's explicitly agreed upon beforehand, no one person should be in complete control.
- Get your partner's consent every step of the way. Ask things like, “Is this okay?” or, “Do you like it when I do that?”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Handling the Aftermath

1
Spend the night together if she’s up for it. Once the deed is done, get comfy and plan to stay a while, as long as your date seems comfortable with that. There is a certain level of respect that should go along with sex, and unless she indicates otherwise, it would be inconsiderate to sneak out or make excuses for why you have to leave. Relax and take pleasure in each other’s company for the night, then go your separate ways when the sun rises.^{[12]
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- Leaving immediately after you’re finished sends the message that you don’t even want to be around her, which can easily ruin the experience for her.
- Remember, you’re with another human being, and they have feelings that can be hurt.
2
Don’t send mixed signals. Resist the pressure to do a lot of cuddling or kissing after sex, and don’t start telling her how much you like her. There may be an expectation to bring emotions into the mix. However, this will only complicate things for both of you. Be nice and act friendly towards her, but don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. If you’ve been honest about what you’re after, there should be no reason to make your time together seem like anything more than what it is.^{[13]
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- Never say “I’ll call/text” you if you have no plan to.
- There's one exception to this: if you find that, despite your plans to have a one night stand, you're starting to develop feelings, be honest about that. Your needs and desires might shift, and it's okay to be open about that if your feelings are genuine and you know that you'll follow through.
3
Make it known that further communication is optional. The two of you should be clear on what level of communication is appropriate before you part ways. It may be that you’re both content with the fun you’ve had and don’t feel the need to see or talk to each other again. Or, you might like the idea of becoming casual friends and sending each other a text once in awhile. Restate the fact that you both agreed it should be a one-time thing.^{[14]
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- Keep things light. You don’t have to send each other a friend request on Facebook or schedule another time to get together just because you kept each other company for a night.
4
End on a high note. Rather than walking off with your clothes in your hand and your head hung in shame, be appreciative of the time you shared. Thank her for showing you a good time and let her know that you enjoyed getting to know her a little. Sex should be a pleasurable interaction with no regrets. There’s no point in having a one night stand if it leaves you feeling disgraced.^{[15]
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- Reassure her that you’ll be discreet about the details of your encounter.
- If you do things the right way, having a one night stand can exhilarate and satisfy both individuals without causing any awkward fallout.

Community Q&A

Question

I do not want to fall in love. Is a one-night stand a good idea for me?

Community Answer

It can be, as long as you go in with the right mindset. However, there's always a chance that you or the person you're hooking up with may develop feelings, so you should be prepared to deal with that.
Question

How can I find a lady partner?

Community Answer

Just approach women anywhere, or meet them through friends. Then take it to the next level. This is just basic explanation, there are many more steps in between.
Question

Is it okay not to use protection?

Community Answer

Absolutely not. Protection is a must for preventing unwanted pregnancy and the spread of STDs, especially in casual encounters where you don't know the person you're with. It's not a big deal to come prepared with a few condoms, and it just might save you a lot of trouble later on.