How to Not Be Annoying to Your Crush

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: April 29, 2022 References

Having a crush is super exciting. You look up when they walk into a room, you feel butterflies in your stomach, and you want to talk to them all the time. However, getting someone to like you back means trying not to be annoying, which can be hard when you like someone so much. To talk to your crush without being too clingy, try asking them questions about their life, avoiding double texting, and understanding if they aren’t in the mood to talk.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Seeing Your Crush in Person

1
Ask them open-ended questions to keep your conversation interesting. Although you should avoid being overly talkative, initiate conversations with your crush to show that you're interested in their life. Come up with interesting subjects that engage the both of you. Be sure that you give them a chance to express their opinion. Don't hesitate to ask questions about their life, as most people enjoy talking about themselves.^{[1]
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- Ask things like, “How did you do on the biology test?”
- ”What shows are you watching right now?”
- ”What do you think about the new teacher?”
- Try not to be offended if you get short answers or they don’t seem that interested in talking to you. They might be shy or having a bad day.
2
Give your crush a chance to respond during conversations. It can be easy to want to talk about your day or what you are thinking about, but make sure you pause long enough so that your crush can contribute to the conversation as well. If you ask a question, take a short pause to let them speak. Or, if you are done talking, pause for a few seconds in case they have a topic that they want to bring up.^{[2]
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- If your crush is shy, they might have a hard time talking back to you. Try to be understanding, and don’t take it personally.
- Make sure the conversation is balanced, too. You don't want it to be all about you!
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3
Be kind to your crush so they want to spend time with you. Although you shouldn't overdo it, treat your crush with kindness. If they don’t have food to eat for lunch, offer to share your food with them. If they tell you about something bad that happened to them, sympathize and listen to what they say. Show that you care about them and their well-being.^{[3]
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- Some playful meanness is a good flirting technique, but your overall interactions should be kind so that they don’t get the wrong idea.
4
Tell your crush about yourself. Although you shouldn't stay in the spotlight for too long, it's a good idea to share some facts about your life with your crush so that they can get to know you more. Tell them things about you, like your hobbies and your favorite class, that will let them know more about you as a person. You may even discover common interests, which may open the way for more conversations.^{[4]
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- Say things like, “I love going swimming at the community center.”
- ”What did you think of last year’s English class? That one was my favorite.”
- ”Sometimes I draw in my sketchbook when I’m bored during class.”
5
Tell the truth about your interests so you don’t seem clingy. Although you may want to impress your crush, changing who you are isn't the right choice. Even if your hobbies and interests don’t line up exactly, your crush will still be able to like you back. Don’t pretend to be an expert on everything they like. This could make you seem clingy.^{[5]
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- Your crush can also teach you things about stuff that you don’t know. For example, if your crush is great at basketball but you’ve never played, ask them to teach you. This is a great bonding experience for you two.
6
Give your crush space if they need it. You want to spend time with your crush, and that’s okay! However, sometimes they might need their space. If your crush is going somewhere and they don’t invite you, don’t follow them there. Or, if they walk away to be alone, don’t try to go with them. It can be annoying to be around someone all the time, so try not to be offended if they want to go somewhere without you.^{[6]
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- Some people are introverts, which means that they need to be alone in order to recharge their energy. This is part of the reason why your crush might not want to be around you all the time.
7
Limit the amount of compliments you give your crush. Everyone loves to be given a compliment, but if you tell your crush you like something about them constantly, it can be overwhelming. Limit your compliments to about 1 per day, or even less. If your crush gets a new haircut or they are wearing new shoes, it’s great to point those out. Try not to bombard them with things that you like about them in case they get uncomfortable.^{[7]
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- A ton of compliments all at once can also make your crush think you are kind of creepy.
8
Avoid excessively touching your crush. A casual pat on the arm or a quick hug goodbye are great ways to break the touch barrier between you and your crush and further your relationship. However, frequent or constant touching can make your crush shy away from you and not want to be around you as much. If they seem to pull away from you or they don’t touch you back, try to keep your hands to yourself so that your crush feels comfortable.^{[8]
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- Some people just don’t like to be touched, and that’s okay!

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Texting Your Crush and Using Social Media

1
Avoid texting too many times without a response. Nobody likes to be bombarded with texts one after another. Try not to text your crush too much without a response from them. If they are busy or can’t get to their phone, they won’t like to come back to see a bunch of texts from you.^{[9]
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- Limit multiple texts to 2. If there is no response after your second text, realize that they might be busy or unable to talk right now.
- Avoid texting things like, “Why aren’t you responding??” or “Where are you??”
2
Text about topics that interest you both. Think about the things that you and your crush have in common. Do you have a class together? Do you share a hobby? Are you going to the same party later? Start conversations that will continue well over text, and avoid the ones that only you know about or that they are not interested in.^{[10]
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- Try texting something like, “Hey, did you finish the question set for history class tomorrow?”
- ”Are you going to Jason’s party this weekend?”
- ”Did you see that new movie that just came out?”
3
Ask them questions that start a conversation. Some people aren’t great texters, so they might need some help knowing what to talk about. Ask your crush questions that will lead to more than just a one word answer. This will hopefully prompt them to ask you questions as well, leading to a more thorough conversation.^{[11]
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- Try saying, “What did you do today?”
- ”What are you up to tonight?”
- ”Did you do anything fun over the weekend?”
4
Send them funny pictures to make them laugh. Everyone likes a joke. If you run out of conversation topics with your crush, send them a funny meme or picture that you can both relate to. Search for these on social media or online. If you are in school together, find one wishing them well on a test. Or if you both watch the same TV show, find one with those characters.^{[12]
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- Don’t send too many memes in a row or you could kill the conversation.
5
Let them know if you can’t text for long. If you are busy with an event or doing school work, let your crush know if you might not text them back for a while. This will take the pressure off of them and let them know that they won’t be getting a ton of texts from you while explaining that you aren’t disinterested, just busy.^{[13]
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- Text things like, “I’m at soccer practice right now but I wanted to say good luck at your game!”
- ”I’m busy with homework right now, can I text you in like an hour?”
6
Avoid spamming them with likes or messages on social media. Interacting with your crush online is a great way to let your crush know that you’re interested. However, if you go through your crush’s profile and like a ton of old pictures or constantly send them messages, it could serve to push them further away from you. Try to only like a post or photo when your crush posts a new one, and send them a funny meme or message every once in a while after they respond to the first one.^{[14]
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- Try to strike up a conversation in person before you start sending your crush messages on social media. That way, they’ll know who you are and your message will seem less random.

Community Q&A
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Question

Why does he act "mad" when his friends tell him to talk to me or sit next to me? Is it because he's shy or he doesn't want to show his feelings?

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It can be embarrassing when your friends push you into a situation with someone that you like. He might like you back but he doesn't want to show it in front of a crowd of people. Try talking to him alone or hanging out with him in a smaller group.
Question

What if I like him but he wants nothing to do with me?

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If your crush doesn't like you back, it might be time to back off. Sometimes, the people you like might not have the same feelings for you, and that's okay. Let him have his space and don't push him into anything.
Question

I was texting my crush and sent him too many texts when he hadn’t even replied to one. He said he was annoyed and just wants to be friends. How do I convince him to give me another chance?

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Try backing off from your crush for a little while. If he's already annoyed, it won't do any good to text him a bunch to convince him to give you another chance. Let him talk to you again if he wants to, but try not to push him into anything.