How to Meet Guys in Grad School

Co-authored by Nicole Moore and Nihal Shetty

Last Updated: May 23, 2022 References

Your time in grad school might be about the search for knowledge, but how about the search for a partner? Figuring out how to date in grad school is a crucial part of learning to manage your school-life balance. We’re here to give you the best places to meet potential dates and all the advice you need on finding your perfect romantic relationship with this complete guide on how to meet guys in grad school.

1

Meet guys through your academic work.

Seminars, lab groups, and conferences build your social network. If you’ve been really impressed by a single guy riffing on Heidegger at a conference or coming up with a great new experimental method in your lab group meeting, ask him out to coffee. If you’re in a grad program that has coursework, these classes are also a great opportunity to meet guys who can relate to your interests.^{[1]
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- If he doesn’t end up becoming a new boyfriend, he could be a valuable friend and colleague for your time in grad school and after.
- Some people may advise you not to date within your program, since a breakup could make things awkward. Use your best judgment: if you think you and the guy you’re interested are both drama-free, going for it isn’t a bad move.^{[2]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  Go to source}

2

Get involved with grad student groups.

There are organizations at your school meant for networking. The grad student council at your school likely hosts several events a semester where you’ll find other grad students looking to make new friends (and possibly more). Be sure to attend these, and consider joining any clubs or reading groups for grad students that catch your interest as well.^{[3]
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- If you’re looking to find a club to join, your grad student council likely has information about this as well.
- In recent years, many grad students have begun forming unions at their universities. Joining the union or fighting to build one is a great way to make a difference and meet new people.

3

Spend time in grad student haunts.

Dive bars and coffee shops are filled with like-minded people. If you’re new to campus, ask around your department to find out what places grad students spend their time in—they’re likely different from where undergrads hang out. Many universities also have bars and coffee shops on campus that are specifically meant for grad students and faculty, so try sitting with an interesting stranger and finding out what you have in common besides school.^{[4]
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- Meeting potential dates comes naturally after you build up your social circle. If you don’t see anyone you’d like to date at a grad student locale, strike up a conversation with a potential friend.

4

Join a hobby group.

Your hobbies create connections beyond the university. When you’re looking for guys, don’t dismiss the possibility of meeting someone who isn’t in grad school. Join a sports league, take an art class, or try out any new hobbies that you can see yourself being interested in.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Building a social network outside of grad school opens up your dating options considerably.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Having a fulfilling relationship with someone outside of academia can really put your own life into perspective and make your grad school experience all the more enjoyable.
- Plus, joining a class or group is a great way to meet a guy who has the same interests as you.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

5

Volunteer in the community.

Volunteering introduces you to guys who care about others. Community service gives you a chance to make a meaningful difference in the lives of people where you live and makes you feel more grounded in your community. By volunteering, you can join groups of good-hearted and sensitive people.^{[8]
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- If you’re looking for volunteering opportunities near you, start by asking your university’s office for student life. Running a quick Google or social media search can also connect you to local organizations.

6

Take advantage of dating apps.

Dating apps are popular for everyone, including grad students. Through online dating, you can figure out whether someone is a good match before taking time out of your busy schedule to plan a date. Dating apps also make it easier to escape the university bubble when looking for eligible guys.^{[9]
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- As a grad student, you might end up preferring a platform like OkCupid over Tinder, since this site gives you more room to explain your interests and find an intellectual match.
- Setting your age parameters too young can lead to matches with traditionally-aged college undergrads, which can be potentially unethical if you end up teaching them.

7

Ask around in your social network.

Friends of friends are one of the best sources for potential matches. In fact, meeting a romantic partner through friends is still the second most popular way of finding a boyfriend, only behind online dating.^{[10]
X
Research source} Casually let people in your department or other friends know that you’re single and see if they’d be willing to set you up with somebody.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Try saying something like “I’m finding it hard to meet guys—know any that would be a good match?” and see what happens.
- People usually love to play matchmaker, so don't feel scared to just put your desire out there! You never know who might have a connection to a great potential boyfriend for you.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

8

Carve out time for your romantic life.

Regular time spent dating helps you find a partner fast. With research, teaching, and other commitments, grad school can often make you feel like you have to give up your social life. But a balance between work and your social life isn’t just possible—it’s necessary for your mental health. If you can make a schedule that gives you space to meet someone new, you shouldn’t have too much of an issue finding the right person in time.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Remember that maintaining a work-life balance is important in every job, including grad school. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your responsibilities, talk to your supervisor or a mentor.

9

Be honest with potential partners about your schedule.

Let dates know that you’re busy before you get too involved. It isn’t fair to a potential partner if their whole life revolves around your schedule, and it’s important that you let them know about the time commitment of your graduate program early on. Remember that every relationship requires compromise, and you may have to forgo a late night at the lab or in the library once in a while to be there for your partner.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Bring up the time commitment of your grad program by saying something like, “I really love spending time with you and want to keep doing it. You should know that my grad program has me really busy, but I hope we can work through this together.”

10

Use your weekends wisely.

Weekends during grad school tend to be lighter on work. While you still might occasionally have to spend the weekend writing a paper or running an experiment, try to protect this time as much as possible. Going on dates during the middle of the week might seem overwhelming, but a Saturday night will have you feeling more relaxed.^{[15]
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- Although weekends are a great time to go on dates, if you really need to spend a weekend by yourself to recharge, that’s okay too. Your health is the most important thing.

11

Do interesting activities on your dates.

Keep dating from feeling like a chore by trying out new experiences. If there’s always been a coffee shop you’ve wanted to explore or an art class you wanted to try out, invite your date to come with you. Dating should feel fun and exciting, so take advantage of the time you spend on your dates to do something exciting. This will keep you motivated as you search for the right guy.^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Universities are normally located in areas that are filled with great activities, including cultural events or well-maintained outdoor spaces. Be curious about what the area has to offer.
- Since you’re likely on a budget in grad school, take advantage of affordable events at the university. There are always interesting guest speakers, free or cheap concerts, and other events going on.