How to Make a Narcissist Regret Losing You

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: April 11, 2022 References

Having a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is never easy. If you're moving on, it's only natural to feel hurt, and wish that you could make them regret losing you. Maybe you just want them to know that your life is better off without them. Either way, you might be wondering how to make them feel remorse. In this article, we'll help you navigate your feelings while you show the narcissist person what they're missing.

1

Cut off all contact with the person.

Walk away and end communication to signal that you are done with them. Going no-contact is the best way to deal with them, although they'll probably keep trying to reach out to get your attention. To help you stand strong and manage the stress of ignoring the narcissist, remind yourself to take deep relaxing breaths. Try stress-reduction techniques like mindful meditation or journaling too.^{[1]
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- If you have kids with them or you're colleagues, you may not be able to cut off all communication. Keep your interactions dedicated to discussing childcare, or, in the case of a colleague, talking about work.

2

Be unattainable and focus on your well-being.

Turn your energy inward to distract yourself and move on. Don't give the person with NPD the satisfaction of seeing you lonely or depressed—they'll feel like they still have power over you. If they call or text, ignore them. If you can't, tell them that you're busy doing something else.^{[2]
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- Tell the narcissist that you can't talk or meet up because your schedule is too busy. For instance, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to throw pottery, take a jiu-jitsu class, or travel more.
- Maybe you've got dreams that you always put off. Now's a good time to make positive changes in your life, so go for them.

3

Spend time with your support network.

Being around people who respect you can make you feel empowered. This shows the person with NPD that you are valued by others. With emotional support, you may even start to realize that you're ready to move on with your life and you don't care what the narcissist thinks about you.^{[3]
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- If you don't feel like you can talk with your friends or family about the narcissistic person in your life, reach out to an online support group.

4

Realize that people with NPD can’t feel regret.

Come to terms with the fact that you can't make them feel a certain way. Push yourself to move on because the narcissist won't miss you—they'll miss whatever they were getting from you. Unfortunately, people with NPD can't give genuine love.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Expert Interview. 1 April 2019.} You deserve better! Imagine how much happier you could be with someone else who genuinely appreciates you.
- They won't regret the way they treated you either because they'll find ways to justify their behavior.^{[5]
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5

Resist the urge to get revenge.

You won't be able to out-manipulate a narcissist, so remain calm and rational. It's natural to want to hurt them the same way they hurt you, but remind yourself that they're incredibly skilled at getting what they need. Instead, come to terms with the relationship ending, and focus on your own well-being.^{[6]
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- A person with NPD will thrive if you try to belittle, hurt, or expose them. They'll love the attention and emotional energy you're giving them. Walking away from them is actually the one thing you can do that they truly have no control over.

6

Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship.

Allow yourself to feel all the emotions you're experiencing. When you realize you were with a narcissist, you may be tough on yourself for staying so long. You may feel confused, sad, or angry—all of these are completely valid emotions. You can't expect to simply turn off all the feelings you had for this person. It might help to do activities that allow you to think and process all that you went through.^{[7]
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- Try journaling, meditation, or yoga for instance. Joining a weekly class can also provide you with some structure and socialization that might help you heal.

7

Be grateful that the relationship is over.

It might be hard to be happy right now, but tell yourself that you're better off. You probably experienced plenty of low points with the narcissistic person—they probably made you feel less important, less special, or less capable than them.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.} Enjoy the fact that you don't have that disrespectful person around to shut you down constantly. Instead, repeat positive affirmations like, "It's important for me to be happy," and "I am worthy of love."
- Do activities that help you heal, whether that's gardening, jogging with a friend, or kickboxing.
- When people with NPD feel something close to regret, it's because they regret this loss of power over you.

8

Take your joys and challenges to people who listen.

Share your emotions with people who genuinely care about you. Keep all emotionally charged issues away from the narcissist in your life since they'll use your intense feelings to feel better about themselves. Instead, share your struggles or celebrate wins with people in your life who are capable of empathy.^{[9]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- It's natural to want to show off when good things happen to you, but it's better to ignore the narcissist. For instance, maybe you got an amazing job offer. Go out and celebrate with friends instead of telling the narcissist about it.

9

Live without worry.

Don't waste your time or energy dwelling on what the narcissist thinks. You won't truly be free of them until you can live your life without analyzing what the person would think of your actions. Remember, you're not trying to please or impress them anymore. This can be a very freeing feeling.^{[10]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- In most cases, the person with NPD moves on with their life and doesn't continue to think about past relationships.

10

Work with a therapist if you’re struggling.

Talking with a therapist can help you recover. Getting over a relationship with a narcissist can be really tough. You might tell yourself you need to move on, but cutting off your feelings for the person can be hard. Therapy can definitely help if you're working through difficult feelings, managing low self-esteem, or you want to learn coping techniques.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.}
- Your therapist may recommend group therapy where you can talk with people who are going through a similar situation.