How to Love Cats

Co-authored by Carrie Seay, MS-CABAC, KPA-CTP, CBCC-KA

Last Updated: December 9, 2022 References

Cats are often misunderstood as standoffish, unloving pets, especially when compared with their canine counterparts. You need to understand that cats communicate differently than dogs and humans, but once you understand your cat’s world a bit better, you will know how to show it you love it. You will also be able to recognize and receive your cats love when they are showing you affection, and reciprocate it to strengthen the bond between you and your cat and love each other more.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Showing Your Cat You Love It

1
Pet your cat from head to tail. Cats rub themselves on their owners from nose to tail to show affection and “claim” their owners. Stroke your cat from its head all the way down its back to its tail to show it you are happy to be claimed and show it affection.^{[1]
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- You can also gently scratch your cat behind its ears or under its chin, which are places cats often enjoy being petted.
2
Play with your cat with interactive toys. Cats like to exercise their predatory instincts, but this is harder for house cats to do. Get some interactive toys that your cat can chase around, and spend time playing with it each day to show it you love it.^{[2]
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- Feather toys, robotic mice, balls with bells inside them, cat wands, and feather toys are some examples of good interactive cat toys.
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3
Provide several comfortable beds for your cat to take cat naps in. By now you’ve probably noticed that cats love to sleep. Give your cat a comfortable bed in each room of the house that you frequently spend time in to show your cat that you love it and want it to be comfortable everywhere in your home.^{[3]
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- You can locate a bed on top of a cat scratching post so that it can be high up and have a good view of the whole room. Cats like to be up high so they can observe the area around them and feel more secure. Your cat will also appreciate the scratching post to stretch its claws out on.
4
Give your cat a cardboard box or cat cave to hide in. Cats like to hide inside or under things because they feel more safe and can watch what is going on outside. Make a hole in a cardboard box to create a homemade cave, or buy a cat cave or house at a pet store. Put it in a room where you spend a lot of time so your cat knows you love it.^{[4]
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- A cat cave is a kind of fabric cave designed for cats that your cat can climb into to hide and sleep.
5
Cuddle with your cat and let it sleep with you to bond. You don’t have to share your bed with your cat if you don’t want to, but sleeping and snuggling with your cat is a good way to show it you love it. Take a nap on the couch from time to time when you need a power nap, and let your cat curl up with you if it wants to.^{[5]
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- Cats sleep with their owners when they are totally comfortable and know that they love them.
- Give your cat a soft scratch behind its ears, or pet it from head to tail when it snuggles up with you.
6
Give your cat treats and catnip. Find treats that your cat loves or get some catnip. Give your cat treats when you are bonding through petting or playtime, or give it catnip during playtime for it to roll around in.^{[6]
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- You should limit catnip to about once a week so that you don’t wear out its effect on your cat.
- You can give your cat treats as about 10% of its diet, as long as it doesn’t have a weight problem.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Receiving Affection from Your Cat

1
Place a barrier like a blanket between you and your cat when it kneads you. Cats will begin to knead your legs with their claws, like dough, to show affection when they are comfortable with you. Place something soft between your cat’s claws and you to prevent getting scratched, but still allow it to show you love.^{[7]
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- Cats use this kneading behavior in the wild to stimulate milk production in their mothers. It is a very high form of affection for cats.
2
Praise your cat when it brings you a present. Cats show their owners they love them by bringing them gifts; these can range from fluffy toys to animals like mice or frogs. Let your cat give you gifts and say thank you and praise it (then throw the gift away when it isn’t looking if it’s something gross).^{[8]
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- Cats are natural predators, and in the wild they show affection by sharing prey they have caught with others. This is one of the strongest expressions of love a cat can demonstrate to its owner.
3
Reciprocate head bumps and soft blinks. Cats will stare you in the eyes, blink slowly, and give you head bumps to show that they love you. Stare at your cat back in its eyes and return the blinking and head bumping behaviors to show it you acknowledge its love and love it back.^{[9]
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- Slow blinks are like the equivalent of a loving kiss in the cat world.
4
Don’t get mad when your cat nips you playfully. Cats use small bites to show affection to other cats and humans as well. Your cat is saying I love you when it gently nips at your hands or feet, so don’t get angry with your cat, even if it hurts a little bit.^{[10]
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- Cats have tougher skin than humans, so they don’t understand that sometimes what is a soft bite to them might hurt you a little bit.
5
Give your cat space and be patient if it doesn’t show a lot of affection. Cats are independent creatures who do things on their own time and terms. Give your cat time to get used to you and show you affection.
- You can encourage behaviors by rewarding your cat with treats when it does something you like.

Community Q&A

Question

Why does my cat sniff my eyes and also sometimes kiss me on the mouth?

Community Answer

Licks are like dog kisses, your cat is being affectionate towards you. That means that your cat loves you, and is comfortable around you!
Question

What if my cat wants to kill me?

Community Answer

Your cat wants space. Cats love peace, quiet, and to feel secure. Give your cat all these things. Make sure you give him fresh cold water every day, and wet and dry food. Toys, too. Let him/her approach you when he/she wants attention. Don't pester them, even thought it might be tempting. Be patient and your cat will come around.
Question

Do cats prefer one person over another?

Community Answer

Cats tend to be finicky about who they like, but I find that they can build strong friendships with those who care for them as a kitten. Cat friendships are mainly built on trust, however, so it is possible to become friends with an adult cat, though it will take time.