How to Live the Golden Rule

Last Updated: June 14, 2022 Approved

Living the Golden Rule is something you'll find as a standard held as important by many cultures dating back thousands of years of humankind. It comes in different guises, but it basically boils down to treating others as you'd expect them to treat you, showing respect for one another and upholding one another's dignity. It's not always an easy rule to follow, especially in times of hardship, loss and personal pain but it is a way to remain connected to your community, to stop being self absorbed and to find a more fulfilling place in your society. As such, it's worth striving for and integrating into your daily life.

Steps

1
Take a moment to work out what the Golden Rule means for you. There are plenty of people willing to interpret it for you but that's not the point. At its most basic, what does it mean to you and in what ways do you feel able to best express it through your actions and words?

When you are able to define this for yourself, you'll find it connects better with you and it'll be easier to practice it daily. Then you are free to read and learn about the various interpretations of ways of enacting the Rule as proposed by others and see which ones you find most appealing and workable for you. Some questions to guide your thinking include:
- How do I wish to treat others?
- What does it mean to me to have the actions I do and the words I say reflect back on me?
- What motivates the things I say to others? Are there times when I clearly know I should be kinder, more thoughtful or more interested? What stops me from being more connected and considerate on those occasions?
- What about the times when I fail to live the Golden Rule? How will I get back on track?
2
Give yourself daily reminders about the role of the Golden Rule in your life. When it's fresh in your mind, your actions will be directed about it.
- Consider reading works that are based on the Golden Rule. Keep a few by your bedside table to remind you about it regularly. These works could be novels, books of positive sayings, works about peace, biographies of people who tried hard to live well and help others, etc. Don't limit yourself to any one author or genre––read widely and learn as much as possible to stay inspired.
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3
Show respect and kindness. Whether or not you know the people with whom you're interacting, that should never define the manner in which you act towards them. Respect their dignity just as you expect them to respect yours.
- One way to show respect and kindness is to really listen to other people. When they're speaking, actively listen with your whole body. Hear what they say, take note of their non-verbal communication, and avoid interrupting them.
4
Use your manners. Manners evolved to keep poor and selfish behaviors in check. They're not meant to be a strait jacket; rather, they're an evolving body of helpful guidance in ways to interact with others politely and thoughtfully.

In actual fact, manners are a shortcut for having to think more deeply about the impacts of your actions at the moment of interacting; by adopting good manners and making use of them, you don't have to waste time wondering if you're behaving well in the moment. Therefore, see please, thank you, being courteous and putting others ahead of you as the simple ways of ensuring that you will be treated in a similar way.

Be polite even when others are not. Politeness enables you to remain calm and stay focused on what really matters, especially when emotions run high and nervous energy takes hold. Politeness can be seen as a form of shield, a defense against unruly emotional outbursts.
5
Be willing to be flexible in your approach to other people. What works for you may not work for another person and interacting with others successfully requires a nuanced readiness to dance to each other's steps. Be ready to listen, learn and stay open-minded without pressing your preferred interests onto another.

Interestingly, by respecting the other person's space and story, you'll often find that your listening and withholding of judgment heightens their respect for you. This creates a willingness on their behalf to hear your side too; it may take time but it's more likely to happen if they're aware that you're hearing them.

Establish a good rapport with a person from the outset. You can deal with disagreements and not seeing eye-to-eye later. What is important initially is to make a connection and to show that you care about the other person's dignity, in spite of your disagreement with their opinions, ideas or ways of being.
6
Be compassionate. Realize that everyone is doing it tough some of the time. That outburst that seemed directed towards you is often a manifestation of the other person's heavy internal unhappiness and pain and is in no way a reflection on your own worth.

You could choose to take it personally and seek to make an enemy of this person. But it'll be better for your own sanity and happiness and for the sake of trying to help the other person find their way to healing if you don't harbor grudges, build up a big defense wall and try to take them down.

You are not being asked to take this person back home to have dinner with you (although, you can if you like); you are simply being asked to use compassion to try to stand in the other person's shoes and unpack the story they may be bringing to you, unseen beneath their anger, resentment and rigid opinions. Think about why a person has reacted poorly towards you before you react and use your reflection to temper the manner in which you react.
- Remind yourself how you want to live and how you wish to treat others when a moment of fury or knee-jerk reaction takes over.
- Wear or carry a token that represents the Golden Rule to you. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you feel you're going to break your allegiance to the Golden Rule, hold or rub the token to bring you back down to Earth.
7
Realize the wider benefits of living the Golden Rule. You serve as a role model to others when you live the Golden Rule on a daily basis and show it through your action and words. Being unswayed in your devotion to it gives strength to others to also live this rule, as they can see it is not only possible but that you are an example of someone who makes it so.

The Golden Rule is as contagious as negative approaches to living with each other, although it takes more courage and practice at times. With more people adhering to the Golden Rule in their daily lives, the levels of anger, resentment, irritation and intimidation are likely to be kept in check but this requires a community-minded approach, not just seeing this as a way of feeling good about yourself.
8
Spread the attitude of living the Golden Rule. Plant seeds of kindness and respect and the Law of the Harvest will give you the return of like fruit!