How to Know if You Are Dating a Con Artist

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and Eric McClure

Last Updated: January 21, 2022 References

Con artists have a knack for convincing people into believing the unbelievable. This often makes it very difficult to figure out if you’re actually dating one or not, whether you just started chatting online or you’re already a few dates into the relationship. Luckily, there are few big giveaways that you’re dating someone who isn’t what they seem, and we’ll walk you through the major signs that they’re trying to scam or con you. Keep in mind, if it does turn out you’re dating a con artist, you shouldn’t get too down on yourself. A professional liar is naturally adept at tricking people, and it really isn’t your fault if someone else is dishonest.

1

Their story doesn’t make sense.

If they tell you something that doesn’t make sense, you’re right to be suspicious. Whether it’s a big overarching story or a sequence of tiny details about their life, if you spot an incongruity, it probably means something. A single inexplicable detail may not signal anything, but if their life story is so fantastic that it’s got you wondering if it’s true, it probably isn’t.^{[1]
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- They might have some kind of outlandish tale about how they entered their profession, or became extravagantly wealthy.
- If you’ve been dating in person for a while, pay attention to their body language and tone when you ask them about themselves. If it feels like they’re lying, they probably are.
- If they reached out online outside of a dating site, ask them why. They should have a very concrete, intuitive reason to have reached out in the first place.
- If their online dating profile talks about how they’re a 21-year-old multi-millionaire who spends their summers sailing the world on their yacht, they may be a con artist.

2

They don’t reveal much personal info.

Some con artists will actively avoid sharing info about themselves. Many con artists rely on a big, grandiose background story. Others don’t share much of anything at all so that they don’t have to worry about keeping their lies straight. If the person you’re talking to isn’t open about where they grew up, what they do for work, or how they make money, it’s a major sign they’re trying to scam you.^{[2]
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- This is less of a red flag if you’ve just started talking to someone online. If you just started talking to someone on Tinder, it’s pretty reasonable that they wouldn’t be sharing a ton of deeply personal information.
- They should still be interested in sharing what they do for work, school, or in their spare time, though!

3

Everything about them sounds too good to be true.

The odds are low you’re actually dating a secret agent or Bitcoin millionaire. If they’re promising you the world, they claim to have an incredible amount of money, or they won’t stop talking about how they’re going to fly you out to Paris soon, they may be trying to con you. Scam artists get your hopes up and try to impress you by saying things you’d want to be true. But if there’s no evidence to support what they’re saying, you shouldn’t buy into it.^{[3]
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- If they’re always bragging about how good things are going and they never seem to have a bad day, it’s a sign that they’re not being honest.
- If you read their online dating profile and it mentions anything about being a wealthy business owner, famous artist, or anything like that, look them up online. There should be some news or information somewhere online that demonstrates they’re telling the truth.

4

You’ve never seen their home.

They might invite themselves over or always meet you somewhere. A con artist will usually keep their real life hidden from you. If you’ve been dating for a while and they’ve never asked you to come over to their place, they’re definitely hiding something. This is especially potent evidence if they claim to have a lot of money, since they should be trying to show off a bit if they supposedly have a nice place.^{[4]
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- If they reached out online, they may even refuse to meet in person, or claim that they can’t meet because they’re working on an oil rig or on some military base.^{[5]
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5

They talk about money you don’t see.

Con artists usually pretend to have wealth, so look out for signs that say otherwise. The “con” in con artist is short for “confidence.” A con artist will often try to present themselves as incredibly stable, secure, or successful because those are all traits that build confidence. However, if there’s no real evidence to suggest that they’re actually rolling in all that dough, they’re probably lying about it.^{[6]
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- Don’t be fooled by fancy clothes or jewelry. There are plenty of good designer knockoffs out there.
- If their fancy car is always “in the shop” or that mansion always seems to under repair or fumigation, they’re probably pulling one over on you.
- Do not trust anyone telling you that they’re wealthy if you met them online without verifying it elsewhere via news. Anyone can type that they’re wealthy (or photoshop themselves in a fancy car).

6

They’re incredibly well-dressed and charming.

Con artists go out of their way to play up the swagger and charm. Are they the most handsome or beautiful person you’ve ever met? Do they dress to the nines everywhere they go? Con artists know that they’re going to be more likely to trick someone if they look wealthy, clean, and impressive. Most people go outside in sweatpants every now and then, so be weary if you’re starstruck every time you see them.^{[7]
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- If you’re talking to someone you met online, try reverse image searching their photos to see if they pop up elsewhere. People who catfish others online typically use other people’s photos.^{[8]
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7

They’re always (or never) available.

Everyone has things going on, but nobody is 100% free or totally MIA. If they always respond to you right away or they’re always free to come meet you somewhere, they might not be honest about what they’re doing in their spare time—especially if they claim to be employed. The reverse is also true; if they ghost you for days or weeks at a time, they probably aren’t as invested in your relationship as they might claim.^{[9]
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- Think about your daily life. You may have work or school keeping you partially busy throughout the day, but you always get back to people when you have a minute, right? If the person you’re dating isn’t like that, it’s a sign they don’t have normal responsibilities.
- Pay attention to when they respond online. If they claim they’re from your area but they never seem to respond when you’re awake, they may be lying about the time zone they’re in.

8

Something always “comes up” to make them not show up.

A con artist might skip big events or dates due to random emergencies. If you make plans with this person and they end up calling off at the last minute every single time, it’s a big sign that they’re not being honest. They might cancel because of a medical emergency, family drama, or a big business issue. After they cancel, they may even ask for money. This is a colossal sign they’re trying to scam you.^{[10]
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- If you’re dating someone you met online, they may make plans to meet up in person and then cancel at the last minute because of some emergency. If this happens more than once, you should be extremely suspicious.

9

They ask for personal information.

No boyfriend or girlfriend will ever need your social media passwords. If they keep digging for information that someone could use to pretend to be you, access your bank accounts, or apply for loans in your name, watch out. Never volunteer personal information. Unless you’ve been in a serious, in-person romantic relationship for months, they shouldn’t be asking about your mother’s maiden name.^{[11]
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- Don’t give them any information someone would need to fill out an application for a job, bank account, or credit card.
- If they ask to share or link accounts of any kind, it’s a huge red flag.
- If this relationship started online and they send you a suspicious link, they may be phishing for your information. Phishing scams rely on people clicking malicious links to lock your computer or steal your info.

10

They’re way too interested in you.

If it feels like they’re digging for information they don’t need, stay alert. Normal “What are you up to?” and, “How are you?” questions are totally standard for a couple. They shouldn’t be asking questions like, “Do you have a lot of money saved up?” out of nowhere, though. If it feels like they’re snooping or digging for something, they probably are. Don’t answer their questions.^{[12]
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- If the two of you haven’t been talking for all that long, they shouldn’t be trying to pry all that deep. Think about the kind of questions you ask when you’re getting to know someone. If they’re going way beyond that, it can be a reason to be suspicious.

11

Their name is extremely common (or super dreamy).

This is a little thing, but it’s a big signal if you met online. Yes, there are plenty of people named John Smith and Mary Jones out there, but con artists will often choose names like this because they’re hard to search for online. Alternatively, they may have a name that’s supposed to be super romantic, like Valentino, Juliet, or Celestia.^{[13]
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- Try searching for their name online and see what you can find. Add “+location” to the search (putting their city or state in where “location” goes) to see what you can find. If they have zero digital footprint outside of social media, they may be lying about who they are.

12

They bring out extreme feelings in you.

If talking to them makes you overly excited or genuinely scared, be alert. Con artists exploit people by toying with their feelings, so if you find yourself experiencing some strange emotions, it’s cause for concern. Trust your gut. If you feel like they’re playing games with your or they often make you feel bad about yourself, or like you have to do something or risk losing this person, you may be dating a con artist.^{[14]
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- A healthy relationship should make you happy. At the same time, you want to be a little suspicious if you’re feeling too happy and the two of you haven’t spent any time together, it could be cause for concern.
- For example, one minute they might be talking about what kind of a wedding they’d want and you might feel yourself falling for this person and daydreaming with them.^{[15]
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- The next minute, they might talk about going on a long trip and leaving you, which might have you spiraling into feelings of fear or jealousy.^{[16]
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13

You’ve been a victim of scams before.

If you’re a naturally trustworthy person, you could be a target for con artists. Con artists often intentionally seek out people who may be susceptible to their tricks. If you’ve been scammed in the past, or you know deep down that you’re a really empathetic person who goes out of their way to help others, be extra cautious. It may not be an accident this person stumbled into your life.^{[17]
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- Do not blame yourself if you realize that you’ve been a victim of a con artist. Con artists are very adept at what they do, and it is not your fault that somebody took advantage of you for wanting to do the right thing.

Warnings

Never send anyone money through a wire transfer service. If it turns out you are being scammed, the odds of recovering your money are extremely slim.^{[18]
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