How to Get over the Fact Your Friend Left You for the Popular Crowd

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt

Last Updated: June 10, 2022 References

Losing a friend is difficult and heartbreaking. When your friend decides to abandon you for the popular crowd, you are most likely left feeling betrayed and not good enough. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Similar to breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are all sorts of scenarios and coping methods. There are times when things can be resolved and other times when you just have to move on and start over.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Waiting it Out

1
Make sure your friend is actually leaving you for the popular crowd. Your friend may be just getting to know these people. Spend time with your other friends and wait to see what your friend is actually doing.
- Once your friend has gotten to know this popular group, he or she may decide that they don't actually want to be friends with them.
- Don't jump to conclusions—you won't know what's really going on until you talk to your friend about it.
2
Give your friend a little time. Your friend may realize that after being apart from you for a little while that he or she actually misses your friendship. Create some space between you and your friend. Make plans with your other friends. Occupy your time with something you enjoy doing.^{[1]
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- Sometimes, we don't realize what we have until it is gone. Spending time apart can be healthy for the relationship.
- In the meantime, this is a good opportunity to branch out too and seek new friendships.
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3
Confront your friend. Ask your friend if he or she wants to still be friends. Inquire as to why he or she decided to abandon your friendship for the friendship of others.
- Maybe your friend didn't realize how much you valued the friendship.
- Maybe there is even a reason why he or she decided to seek out the popular crowd.
- At the very least, you will have a sense of closure knowing that you tried to save the friendship.
4
Decide when enough is enough. There is a point when it will be obvious that the friendship is over. Don’t try to force something that is no longer there. As uncomfortable and heartbreaking as it might be, you need to move on.^{[2]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Dealing with an Unfriendly Ex-Friend

1
Confront your ex-friend. If you find that your old friend is now talking about you behind your back, making fun of you, or insulting you alongside his or her new popular friends, you must stand up for yourself. While this might not be easy, you don't deserve to be belittled or hurt.^{[3]
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- Find a time when he or she is not around their new popular group. It is best to confront your old friend one-on-one.
- Explain to your friend why you feel the way you feel.
- Ask your old friend to refrain from speaking poorly about you. Sometimes people don't realize the effect their words and actions have on others.
- You can say something like, "I understand that you have chosen a new group of friends, but please do not insult me or talk poorly about me behind my back anymore."
- Whatever you do, don't speak badly about your ex-friend in return.
2
Seek the help of an adult. If the insults continue, you may need to seek out the help of an adult, such as a principal, teacher, guidance counselor, or parent. Unfortunately, kids and teenagers can be mean and relentless. An adult can help you confront your friend.^{[4]
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3
Ignore your old friend and his or her new popular friends. Oftentimes, people who put others down are actually insecure and self-conscious. Let the negative comments go in one ear and out the other. You know what is being said isn’t true, so don’t even pay attention to it.
- You are a better and stronger person than the ones who are insulting and making fun of you.
- Their negative and mean actions and words are only going to make them look and feel bad in the end.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Coping with the Loss of a Friendship

1
Give yourself time to heal. An ended friendship, especially one where the reason might be unclear, is very painful. Be gentle with yourself. Like a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, your heart needs time to heal. Time is the greatest healer though.^{[5]
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- It might help to talk about how you're feeling with a mental health professional.^{[6]
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2
Cry it out. Bottling up your emotions will only backfire in the end. You have to let it out. Crying sometimes if the best release of negative feelings. Cry into a pillow or on the shoulder of one of your other friends.
3
Look back on the friendship with a new set of eyes. Was the friend that abandoned you really a good friend? Sometimes we are blind to the obvious. Look back and see if there were any red flags that you might have missed.^{[7]
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- A good friend would never abandon a friendship just to be popular.
- A good friend would never insult, belittle, or consciously hurt a friend.
- A good friend should make you feel good about yourself.
4
Stay neutral. Do not try and force your mutual friends to pick sides. Doing so will only create more tension and drama in your life. The friends that stand by your side and continue to be a good friend to you are the ones worth keeping around.
5
Learn from this tragedy. Look deeper into the people with whom you decide to friend. The best friends are not shallow and selfish. Quality friends are more valuable and important than just having a lot of friends.^{[8]
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- It can help to count your blessings and have gratitude for the love and friendships that you do have.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Making New Friends

1
Put yourself back on the market. Open yourself up to the idea of making a new friend. Keeping an open mind and possessing a friendly and positive attitude will attract others to you.^{[9]
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2
Introduce yourself to someone new. Start a conversation with someone you’ve been sitting next to in class all semester. Ask someone you’ve never worked with to be your partner for a class project. Say hello to the person whose locker is next to yours. Your new friend could be someone you never paid attention to before.
3
Unplug from your devices. Instead of focusing on what’s on your phone, tablet, or computer, focus on who is around you. Make eye contact and small talk with those around you. Simply saying hello and smiling is a good start.^{[10]
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4
Join a new class, club, sport, or organization. Choosing to take part in a new activity will open up your chances of meeting new people and people who share similar interests with you. Pick something that interests you: marine biology, art, volleyball, or debate perhaps. Sign up for the class, club, sport, or organization at the next available time.^{[11]
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- You will automatically have at least one thing in common with other members of the group.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do you do when your best friend leaves you for no reason?

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).

Jessica George, MA, CHt

Certified Professional Master Life Coach

Expert Answer

This is hard to deal with at any age! Focus on feeling your pain, chatting with a professional, and letting time heal the wound. Be good to yourself and don't let yourself ruminate or speculate too much on what happened. If you're really struggling, focus on being thankful for the friends and connections that you do have in your life.
Question

What if my friend starts ignoring me to hang out with other people?

Theladyorthetiger

Community Answer

Maybe you should sit down and talk with your friend and explain how you feel. Don't be rude or jump at them. See if they have a good reason. If they don't, they weren't a good friend anyway. There's not much else to do after that except move on.
Question

My friend thinks I left her, but in reality I was just socializing with a classmate I was assigned to do a project with. She then ignored me and said she had a new best friend. What do I do?

Community Answer

It sounds like she was just jealous, so now she's trying to make you feel jealous as well. Try to gently remind her that it's okay for people to have more than one friend, and tell her you didn't mean to upset her. Explain that you still want to be friends. If she continues to treat you like this, try talking to a teacher, counselor, or other adult and asking them to help you.