How to Get Your Crush to Fall for You...Even if She's Already Taken

When your crush is already dating someone else, is it possible to turn her head?

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Dev Murphy

Last Updated: February 5, 2023 References Approved

Becoming Friendly

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Gauging Her Feelings

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Confessing Your Feelings

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Video

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Q&A

ARTICLE

VIDEO

You’ve finally met the girl who seems like The One—only problem is, she’s already taken. Is all hope lost? Can you get your crush to leave her current partner and date you instead? If you could, is pursuing a girl who's dating someone else really the healthiest choice? Pursuing someone who's taken can take a toll on your mental and emotional health, and it may not be fair to the girl in question or her current paramour. It’s a sticky situation, but it happens. We’ll walk you through your dilemma so you can figure out how to get the girl of your dreams to like you—or how to move on.

Things You Should Know

Become good friends with her and show her you care for her. She may begin to prefer you over her current partner.
Confess your feelings if you think she may reciprocate, but know that but if she doesn’t feel the same way, it might jeopardize your friendship.
Move on if she turns you down. Reassure her that you understand her decision, and accept that she's unlikely to change her mind. There's someone else out there for you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Becoming Friendly

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Learn about her personality. If you don't already know very much about the girl, ask some of her friends to tell you what she likes. This may be pretty easy to find out if you share mutual friends. Finding out what she likes can help you identify things you have in common so you can bond with her over them.^{[1]
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- For example, you may find that she loves the same types of movies that you're passionate about. Try catching movies at the same time so you run into her and have something to talk about.
- Of course, if you’re crushing on a girl who’s in a relationship and you don’t even know her that well, it’s probably best to keep it that way. Why invite unnecessary temptation?
2
Spend time with her while in a group. Some people can become instant friends while others need to spend a bit of time in each other's company. Create emotional bonds by hanging out together, having fun together, and becoming comfortable around each other. If you're both hanging out in a group, make a point of seeking her out to talk to her. She'll probably be flattered or at least willing to talk to you since you've shown an interest in her.^{[2]
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- Realize that this won't happen overnight (if it ever happens). You'll probably need to spend a considerable amount of time together to form an attachment.
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Show her you care about her. Let the girl know that you're there for her if she needs someone to talk to. If she does come to you for support, listen and be there for her. Don’t profess your love and never say anything nasty about her current partner. Instead, just make casual small talk, ask her opinion about something, or talk to her about things going on in her life.^{[3]
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- Just paying attention to her will signal to her that you care about her. This will increase her feelings of friendliness towards you, even if she's in a romantic relationship.
- Being a supportive friend can actually encourage the girl to reconsider her current relationship. She may realize that you make a better partner.^{[4]
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Be yourself. If you like a girl, it's easy to think that you need to be the kind of person she'd like. But if you’re dishonest with her, you'll weaken the emotional bond you're building with her, and you'll also set yourself up for disappointment later on when you're not happy pretending any more. Be honest from the get-go so she becomes interested in starting a relationship with the real you.^{[5]
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- For example, if she competes in several sports but you don't enjoy being athletic, don't pretend to enjoy or participate in sports for her sake.
- If you feel the need to lie to be more attractive to her, consider that maybe she's just not right for you.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Gauging Her Feelings

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Spend time with her one-on-one. You don't need to ask a girl out to spend time with her alone. She may feel less pressure if you simply ask her to go do things together without labeling these outings as dates. If she always agrees to spend time alone with you, she's probably interested in you too.^{[6]
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- For example, you could go out for coffee, buy music together, check out a farmer's market, or just go shopping.
- Even group hangs can give you opportunities for one-on-one time: for instance, at dinner with friends, try to sit next to her so you can carry on private conversations and joke around together.
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Offer a romantic gesture. Think back to the things she likes and try to do something out of the ordinary for her. A thoughtful gift will show her you know her well and that you care—without being as direct as a verbal declaration of love.^{[7]
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- The classic is giving the girl flowers or something romantic like a poem, but don’t default to clichés unless you know she’ll enjoy it.
- Depending on what she likes, you could do something original that she may appreciate more than flowers: for example, if she's really interested in original artwork, paint her something.
- Don't worry that whatever you give her isn't professional quality or expensive. The point of the romantic gesture is to signal your feelings for her.
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Drop hints that you like her as more than a friend. While you're spending time together one-on-one, tell her how much you enjoy being with her. Let her know that you have fun hanging out in a mutual group too, but place the emphasis on your time alone. You could also mention how important she's become to you or how your feelings have developed towards her.^{[8]
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- If you're anxious about hinting to her in person, consider texting or calling her. You might find that you have more courage when communicating electronically. This will also give her a little time to process her feelings and respond to you.
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Flirt and see if she reciprocates. Casually compliment her and joke around with her, and see how she reacts. If she encourages you, she may smile, flirt back, tease you, or laugh. These may be signs that she's interested in starting a romantic relationship with you. If she gives you the cold shoulder, tells you to stop it, or seems uncomfortable, give her some space.
- If she doesn't respond well to your flirting, consider moving on. If she does like the flirting, continue paying her attention and trying to spend more time together.
- Flirting is fun, of course, but ask yourself if you'd like to date someone who flirts with other people behind your back.^{[9]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Confessing Your Feelings

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Ask yourself if it's worth it to tell her how you feel. Crushing on a girl in a relationship is common, but confessing your feelings is risky: she might reject you, and it could affect your friendship. Or she might reciprocate and end her relationship. Before you go all-in and ask her out, ask yourself if your feelings for her are worth possibly messing up your friendship with her, or if they’re worth messing up her relationship.^{[10]
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- Are you really looking for a romantic relationship? Or is she just attractive to you because she's "forbidden fruit"?^{[11]
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- If she rejects you, are you prepared to move on emotionally if she remains in her current relationship?
- Realize that even if she still wants to be friends after you’ve confessed your feelings, her current partner might not be happy about it (understandably so).
- The level of commitment of her current relationship may tell you whether it's worth it to insert yourself into it: if she's married, it's almost always best not to meddle. But if she's just in a short-lived fling, it may not be a big deal to tell her how you feel...but then again, it may be worth just waiting it out, too.
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Confess your feelings. Avoid jumping straight to asking her to be your girlfriend or asking her on a date, as she could see this as presumptuous and may feel you don’t respect the boundaries of her current relationship. Instead, tell her you’ve been struggling with feelings for her and it’s gotten to the point where you think it’s best to let her know about them. Rehearse what you want to say ahead of time so that you're as calm and collected as you can be in the moment.^{[12]
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- “Rebecca, I really enjoy spending time with you, and I think I like you as more than a friend. I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I just thought you should know.”
- “Meera, I think I’ve got feelings for you. I know you’re with someone already, but I wanted to let you know how I feel in case you maybe felt the same way. If not, I promise it’s OK, and I won’t bring it up again.”
- “Jolie, we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well lately, and I’ve really liked being your friend. But I think I’ve fallen for you. I understand if you can’t reciprocate, and I’ll always be your friend if you still want that, but I wanted to tell you in case you maybe felt the same.”
3
Respect her decision if she turns you down. If she rejects you, don't get upset, argue, or keep asking. Be mature and calm. She’ll probably feel bad turning you down, so don’t pressure her or try to make her feel guilty.^{[13]
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- Understand that the odds are probably not in your favor: if she’s in a relationship with someone else, it’s likely because she wants to be.
- Reassure her you understand where she’s coming from and that you won’t bring it up again.
- Understand that confessing your feelings was risky, and she may not feel comfortable hanging out with you as much anymore. Try to accept this.
- If she reciprocates your feelings…well, then, mazel tov!
4
Move on. Rejection is tough. But if she turns you down, accept it: don't lie to yourself about her feelings for you, and don’t wait for her current relationship to end. You might be good friends, but if she's still in the other relationship, it's because she's choosing to remain. Don't tell yourself that she's secretly in love with you or is just waiting for you to ask her out again.^{[14]
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- Even if she still wants to be friends and her partner is OK with it, ask yourself if it’s serving you to stay close to her. It may help you to get over her if you spend less time with her, and maybe even try seeing someone else.
- Be good to yourself. Falling for someone is nerve-wracking on its own, but falling for someone you can't have can be brutal. Don't torture yourself by waiting for her: move on. You're worth it.

Community Q&A

Question

How can I get a girl who is out of my league?

Community Answer

First off, no girl is out of your league. Most people perceive that to be true/ but it's not. If a girl likes you, she will like you for who you are. Try talking to her or just say hello.
Question

Should I tell someone who's in a relationship that's about to end how I feel about her?

Community Answer

No, because then you run the risk of being in a rebound relationship, and those very rarely last. Give her time to break up, consider what went wrong, get over her ex, heal, and be ready to pursue a relationship again.
Question

How do I approach a girl who just started living in my area?

Community Answer

Walk up and say hi. Ask how she's liking the neighborhood, or school, or wherever it is that you normally see her. You can also ask if she would like you to show her around.