How to Get Your Best Friend's Boyfriend to Like You

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: March 7, 2022 References

You and your BFF probably have a lot in common: hobbies, styles, and favorite foods. But when you both like the same type of guy, it can be easy to develop a crush on your best friend’s boyfriend. Figuring out what to do next is important, but it’s tough to work through your feelings without the advice of your bestie. That’s why we’ve written this article to walk you through dealing with a crush on your BFF’s boyfriend.

1

Be nice to yourself about your feelings.

You can’t change how you’re feeling, so don’t beat yourself up about it. It can feel strange and a little weird to have a crush on your BFF’s boyfriend, but we can’t control who we like! This is a pretty common situation, so treat yourself with kindness—it will help you figure out what to do much quicker.^{[1]
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- Remember, you can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions.

2

Tell someone you trust about your feelings.

It’s tough to bottle things up when you can’t share with your best friend. Pick someone entirely neutral, like a friend who doesn’t know your BFF, to talk to. Then, explain how you’re feeling and the dilemma that you’re in—they might just have some helpful advice to give you.^{[2]
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- Make sure that the person you tell won’t spill the beans to your best friend before you’re ready. Hearing about the situation from someone else can be really painful, and it could affect your friendship.

3

Ask yourself if you’d like him if he was single.

Sometimes we only like people because they’re unavailable. Try to think about your best friend’s boyfriend as if he were just some guy. Then, think about how you’d feel about him if you met him on the street. Would you still be interested? Or do you only like him because he’s taken?^{[3]
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- If you and your best friend are competitive at all, that could also be a reason why you like their boyfriend. Sometimes, when we compete about sports or grades with someone, we also want to compete romantically with them.

4

Remind yourself how hurt your bestie would be.

Replace those romantic fantasies with ones of your best friend. If you ever start daydreaming about what could be with your BFF’s boyfriend, give yourself a mental shake and think about your bestie instead. They’d probably be hurt, upset, and might never want to be your friend again.^{[4]
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- This can also help snap you out of your feelings if you only have a tiny crush on him. It can be fun to romanticize people or imagine what a relationship with them might look like, but it’s important to recognize the real-world consequences that might come of it.

5

Keep your distance from him.

You can minimize your feelings by not being around him. You can still hang out with your BFF and their boyfriend, but you probably don’t want to spend every day together. That way, you can avoid temptation and focus your mind on other things.^{[5]
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- That includes social media, too. Try to avoid stalking or checking on his social media constantly.

6

Make some new friends.

Expand your social circle so you aren’t around your BFF’s boyfriend all the time. If seeing your BFF and their boyfriend together is a little too painful for you right now, try making new friends and hanging out with other people. If you’re single, meet up with other single people so you can hit the town together and look for potential dates.^{[6]
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- Making friends can sound intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be! Reach out to acquaintances you know from work, school, or family friendships.

7

Find his good qualities in someone new.

Take what you like about him and pursue someone similar. Maybe you like how he’s always planning dates or picking up your friend for spontaneous road trips. You can totally look for those qualities in someone else, and you can keep your standards high until you find them.
- Try not to focus on looks too much, since that can really narrow down your options. Instead, look for people with great personalities.

8

Focus on dating other people.

Other guys can help get your mind off your BFF’s boyfriend. If you’re single right now, head out on the town to meet new people and get a date of your own. If you’re dating someone, pour your energy into taking them out on dates and growing closer to them. The more you can ignore your best friend’s boyfriend, the better.^{[7]
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- You might even ask your BFF’s boyfriend to set you up with one of his single friends. You never know what could happen!

9

Talk to your friend if you think they’d understand.

If you and your BFF have a super close relationship, they might get where you’re coming from. However, not everyone will, and some people might see your feelings as a threat. If you think that your friend would understand and want to know about what you’re going through, sit them down alone and talk it out. Otherwise, just keep your feelings to yourself.^{[8]
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- If you do choose to talk it out, you could say something like, “I’m sorry if I’ve been acting weird lately. It’s just that I think I have a little crush on your boyfriend, and I’m really trying to get over that. I’d never want to do anything to come in between your guys’ relationship.”

10

Choose your best friend or their boyfriend.

Unfortunately, you probably can’t keep both in your life. If you want to be with your BFF’s boyfriend, there’s a high likelihood that you and your BFF won’t be friends anymore. And, if you want to stay besties with your BFF, you won’t be able to pursue their boyfriend. The choice is up to you, but think carefully about what your next move is.^{[9]
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- Remember: boyfriends may come and go, but friendships have the potential to last forever.

11

Wait until they break up to pursue anything.

That way, your friend might be over him enough to let you two date. If you really can’t shake the feelings that you have for your best friend’s boyfriend, do your best to keep them to yourself until they break up. If they do, you can wait a while (probably a few months) and then talk to your bestie about your feelings. Your friend might be a little bit more open to you dating an ex, but it could still be a tough transition.^{[10]
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- Keep in mind that there’s no guarantee your best friend and their boyfriend will break up. If they stay together, it’s ultra-important that you work on controlling your feelings and letting them be happy together.

Expert Q&A
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Question

My best friend's boyfriend is really mean to everyone and is a player. I don't want her getting hurt. How do I change her mind?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

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First, you may not be able to change her mind. But you can express concern and share what you know. When you tell her this information, only share what you observe and know first-hand. Let her know how much you care about her and that is the reason you’re telling her. Support her choice, though.
Question

My friend and I go to different schools, and I don't know how to get to know her boyfriend. What can I do? He doesn't know anything about me.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

In that case, leave it up to your friend to arrange a time when you can meet him. Express interest in her relationship and introduce the idea of getting together. Let your friend know that because she is important to you and you care about her that you’d like to get to know the boyfriend who makes her happy.