This article was co-authored by Michelle Jacoby and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy. Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.
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Whether you’ve just started dating someone or you’ve been together a long time, you might get the suspicion now and again that your man isn’t being entirely faithful. Maybe you’ve been cheated on in the past and are worried it’s going to happen again—or maybe you’ve noticed subtle changes in his behavior that make you wonder if there’s something going on. Are you just being paranoid? Is it all in your head? Or is he really fooling around? Keep reading: we’ve chatted with experts to identify possible signs your boyfriend is cheating on you.
Things You Should Know
- Pay attention to his grooming habits. If he’s suddenly started taking better care of his appearance, it could mean he’s trying to impress his side piece.
- Note his phone habits. If he’s suddenly secretive about who he’s texting or keeping his phone face-down around you, he could be hiding something.
- Check his bank accounts, Venmo, or PayPal if you can to see if his spending habits have changed. He could be spending money on his secret lover.
- Ask him. A good boyfriend will want to hear your concerns and be eager to reassure you, while a cheater will lie, act offended, or say you're paranoid.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat are the first signs of cheating?Michelle JacobyMichelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.
Matchmaker & Dating CoachYour partner might not be where they say they're going to be. They might also change their physical appearance, lose some weight, and/or shave in places where they don't usually shave. -
QuestionIs he cheating or am I paranoid?Michelle JacobyMichelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.
Matchmaker & Dating CoachIf you're feeling paranoid, investigate why you feel that way. Usually, our bodies know when things aren't right, but we tend to listen to our brain more than our gut instinct. Sometimes, the gut is very revealing! -
QuestionMy boyfriend has sexual videos of himself with a girl he used to date on his phone. Should I be worried?wikiHow Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff AnswerwikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerIf your boyfriend has saved explicit videos of himself with another girl, this doesn't necessarily mean he's physically cheating, but it sounds like he could still have an attachment to his ex. It might be worth it to have a conversation with him about what qualifies as "cheating" (since it sounds like this does for you, as it does for many people), or to just end the relationship.
Warnings
- Think seriously before you decide to snoop through your boyfriend's things. This is a major breach of trust, and if you're at that point in the relationship, then it may be time to call it quits anyway.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strategies-living/202205/signs-your-spouse-is-cheating-you
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/signs-your-man-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201910/cheating-the-effects-anxious-and-avoidant-attachment
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strategies-living/202205/signs-your-spouse-is-cheating-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
About This Article
To find out if your boyfriend is cheating on you, look for changes in his behavior that might be a red flag, and pay attention to how he uses his phone around you. If your boyfriend starts making less eye contact or having closed body language for no reason, it could mean he’s hiding something. If you haven’t had sex for a while and he never seems in the mood, this is a big red flag too. If he shields his phone when you’re around or stop texting as soon as you walk in the room, he might be guilty. If your boyfriend has started spending more time with his friends or working late a lot, it’s possible he’s seeing someone behind your back. It’s easy to jump to conclusions when you’re looking for hints, but the only way to know for sure is to ask him out right. For more tips, including how to secretly follow your boyfriend if you think he’s meeting someone else, read on.