How to Face Haters

Last Updated: September 14, 2020 References

Some people just won't leave you alone. You've tried to ignore their negativity, but they just keep popping up in your life. If passivity isn't doing the trick, then it may be time to face your haters. Read on for strategies that you can use to counter or confront the negativity.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Breaking the Cycle

1
Ignore them. If possible, don't even bother to engage with your haters. Bullies often feed upon the thrill of provoking a reaction. Indeed, much of the time, haters are trying to validate themselves by making you feel bad. This can spiral into a viciously-repeating pattern: the hater insults you, and you react, and the hater reacts to your reaction, ad nauseam. So don't react. Break the cycle.^{[1]
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2
Project confidence. Laugh it off, drop a witty comeback, and stay positive. If you don't let your confidence slip, it won't be as fun to pick on you – and the haters might leave you alone. Let the hate bounce off you like raindrops hitting an umbrella; do not let it drench you.^{[2]
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- If someone insults your art, for example, take the high road. Try, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but art is subjective, and I'm just doing my best to improve. If you could give me some constructive tips, that would be much appreciated."
- If someone calls you "weird," you could say, "Maybe a little, but I like who I am. Being unique is a lot of fun!"
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3
Avoid the haters. This does not mean that you should hide from anyone, nor that you should let bullies rule your life. Simply try to put yourself into situations that don't require you to interact with these haters. Odds are that the haters are hating because they don't understand your interests and passions – so look for ways to pursue these passions outside the scope of their negativity.
- If you are dealing with haters in one of your classes, ask if you can transfer to a different class. If you are facing haters in a club or group, consider whether you can find another group that is not so negative.
4
Prove them wrong. If the haters are saying that you can't do something, the best way to shut them up might be to show them up. Do the thing that they say you can't do, and do it well. Eat their hate. Digest it and use it as fuel.
- If your haters are telling you that you cannot score a goal on your soccer team, for instance, you can prove them wrong by working hard. If you truly want to score a goal, you can throw yourself into practice until you improve your skills. Consider, however, whether there are any other goals that you can pursue with less opposition – like being a great defender, or learning to play the cello.
- Be aware that proving haters wrong does not always make them stop. In some cases, your success could make the haters even more jealous. This is not a reason to keep yourself from succeeding – just a consideration for afterward.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Staying Grounded

1
Maintain perspective. These haters might be incredibly annoying right now, and they might even be making your life miserable – but think about what this means in the grand scheme of your life. Odds are that before you know it, you'll be in a completely different headspace. Life is change, by its very nature. Do not let these haters dominate your life when they need only be a single dark splotch.^{[3]
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2
Remember that this too shall pass. Think about how long you'll have to deal with these haters. Imagine yourself in five years: consider where you want to go and what you want to do. Ask yourself whether these haters will still be a part of your life in five years.^{[4]
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- If these haters will still be a part of your life in five years, ask yourself what you can do to change that. Can you change schools? Can you change yourself? Can you confront them now and take care of the problem?
- If the haters will not be a part of your life in five years, think about why. Perhaps you're going away to college, or you're switching to a different job, or you're shifting your social circle. Consider whether you can do anything to speed it up.
3
Forgive the haters. Understand that hatred reflects back upon the one who spreads it. These people are likely not hating on you because of any wrongness or deficiency on your part. Odds are that on some level, they are uncomfortable with their own identities. Some people even act hatefully because they are jealous, or because they are blindly unconscious of how their words impact others. Find the empathy to open your heart.
- If you forgive your haters, you may find that their words no longer bother you. Try to understand where they're coming from. Expand your awareness beyond your own experience and your own insecurities.^{[5]
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- Do not mistake belittlement for forgiveness. Avoid telling yourself that these haters are just stupid, or petty, or small-minded – even if these things are true. Remind yourself that even haters are human beings with valid reasons for their actions.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Confronting Haters

1
Speak up. If you can't take it anymore – don't. There is much to be said for the tactful approach of ignoring haters, but avoidance doesn't always resolve the problem. Find a moment to speak honestly with these people, and try to explain where you're coming from. Speak with each hater as a mature and conscious equal; you cannot use the language of hatred to end hate.
- Say, "I've been getting a lot of negative energy from you recently. I'd appreciate it if you kept those thoughts to yourself, or even tried to understand my perspective. I don't want to have to deal with this anymore."
- Try to understand why they are acting this way. Say, "Have I done something to personally wrong you? You seem to be taking a lot of negativity out on me, and I don't understand why."
2
Don't be rash. Haters feed on your emotions. If you respond quickly and emotionally, there's a good chance that you won't be able to make a strong point, and you will only give them more reason to make fun of you. Do not let your words be clouded by anger and frustration. Give yourself the time to cool down before you respond.^{[6]
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3
Avoid physical violence. Resolve conflict with measured words and confident maturity. If hatred is fire: be water. Be cool, collected, and healing. When you fight fire with fire, you usually just wind up with a really big fire.
- That said: sometimes, fighting back physically and decisively can put a stop to the situation. If you do decide to take this route, do so with full awareness of the consequences. Know that violence begets violence, and that you might make the problem much worse by opening that door.
4
Deal with haters online. The Internet can be a wide and wonderful place, and it can provide an intoxicating degree of anonymity. Some people use this anonymity to snipe at others from behind a computer keyboard. If people are hating on you from the Internet, all of the other advice applies – but you might truly need to learn to let go. You can try to face down haters with individual comments, but you may find it difficult to do much more than feed their hate.
- Try reaching out to haters with personalized comments. Be empathetic, logical, and polite. Offer solutions. Try not to respond with angry and poorly-thought-out words.^{[7]
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- Consider not even bothering to engage with haters. It's hard to please everyone, and it's hard to meaningfully connect with someone over a comment board – especially when that person is dedicated to making hateful remarks. This is the nature of having an online presence: some people may love you, and some people may hate you.^{[8]
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