How to Encourage a Sad Friend

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: July 20, 2022

Nobody likes to see someone sad, but when it's your friend, you can't sit by and do nothing. The person may have had a fight with their spouse, lost a job promotion, had a loved one die, gotten diagnosed with a terminal disease, or any other heartbreaking event that could have caused them to be sad. They are lucky to have a friend like you to help them through this tough time. Here are some suggestions on how you can encourage your sad friend.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Listening to Them

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Ask them what's wrong. Ask them if they want to talk about it. You can say, "I can tell that you've been really upset lately. Is something wrong?" They may want to talk and has been waiting for the invitation. Therefore, listen to their answer.^{[1]
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Research source} Be silent and don't interrupt. You don't need to offer you words of advice unless they ask.
- If they don't want to talk about it, respect their choice. They may be too hurt at the moment, feeling that they will break down if they talk about it. They may just need to process the situation and their feelings for a while. Give them some time, and let them know you're there when they feel like talking.
2
Support them emotionally. Remind them that they're a great person and how much they means to you. Acknowledge their feelings when they share her pain. You could say something like, "I know that's got to hurt. I'm sorry you're going through this."^{[2]
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Research source} Continue to show them kindness and encouragement. Continue to be a loyal friend. Now is not the time to abandon or avoid them.
- Don't go around telling others about their problem.
- If they ask for your advice, then give it.
- If you don't know what to tell them, then suggest someone else who could, like another trusted friend, a family member, or a professional.
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3
Try to understand what your friend is going through. If you can't understand, then just listen. You can offer support without encouraging a situation with which you disagree. Don't condemn them and rub salt in their wound. For instance, if they're upset over a fight that they had with their spouse, don't say, "I told you that you should have never married him."
- If you can't say anything in their favor, then simply tell them that you're here for them regardless.^{[3]
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- Don't minimize their feelings.
- A hug and a squeeze of the hand speaks volumes.
4
Be patient. Your friend may be grumpy or short with you, and they may snap at you. Don't take it personally. Ignore it and realize they're not themself. They are under a lot of stress, and you know that they've seen better and happier days.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Reminding Her to Smile

1
Make them laugh. Get silly together. Play some music and silly dance. Rent a funny movie and watch it with them. Tell them some funny jokes. Reminisce about funny memories you share together.
2
Offer to take them somewhere fun. Offer to go shopping together. That can be a fun venture. Offer to take them to lunch to talk or to get her around other people. Consider your friend's personality and hobbies. Ask yourself, "What can I do to encourage my friend and distract them? What do they enjoy doing?"
- Your friend may initially decline your invitation. They may tell you that they're not up to going anywhere. Encourage them and tell them that they don't need to be alone during this sad time, and that getting around other people would be good for them.^{[4]
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3
Buy them a nice gift or card. The gift could be something as simple as a small box of candy, a bottle of scented lotions, or her favorite flowers. A sincere card that addresses their specific issue is appreciated as well. Any of those items will tell your friend that you appreciate them and that you're thinking of them in her time of need. This will also help them get her mind off of their problems, if only temporarily.
- Your action gives your friend evidence that there are people in the world who care about her pain and want to help.
- Your friend will remember what you did for them when they're alone and sad.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being a True-Blue Friend

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Offer to help them with a job or task. Ask if there is anything you can do for them. Offer to watch their kids while they spend time alone working in order to through their sadness. Offer to go to the grocery store and/or cook a meal or meals for them. Offer to clean their house. If their parent is very ill, offer to go with them when they take them to the doctor.
2
Let her know that you're there for them. They may need some alone time right now. Comply with their wishes, but tell them to call you when they need you, regardless of the time. If they take you up on your offer and call you at two in the morning, make sure you answer your phone and listen to them. If they need to see you at three in the morning, climb out of bed and go to them.
- Don't forget to call them to say, "Hi," and to ask how they're doing and how they're feeling.
3
Talk to mutual friends. Friends who you both share can provide extra support and duplicate the cheering-up efforts. You don't want to tell them anything that your friend has told you in confidence. Ask your friend beforehand if you can tell your friends about their sadness, and clarify what you can say.
4
Suggest professional help. If your friend's sadness continues, if their sadness is interfering with their life, and if you find that you can't cheer them up, then their problem may be more serious than being upset over a difficult situation. They may be clinically depressed.^{[5]
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Research source} Be honest with your concerns. Suggest they talk to someone about her problems. Offer to help them find a counselor or therapist, and drive them to the appointment if needed.
- If you suspect that your friend may be suicidal, then seek help immediately. Contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting at 988.^{[6]
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  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
  Suicide prevention network operating a toll-free 24/7 hotline for anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress
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- If your friend is in an immediate medical crisis, call 911.^{[7]
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Warnings

Don't smother your friend when encouraging them. That will make them feel overwhelmed and could cause them to push away from you.

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