How to Deal with Your Boyfriend Going Out

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: April 26, 2022 References

You may feel jealous or sad when your boyfriend goes out without you, but there are many different ways to manage these feelings. Get a hold on your jealousy by examining the possible causes of it and being honest about it. Focus on your own interests and make sure that you have fun while he is out. You can also try to minimize your negative feelings about him going out by getting to know his friends better.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Controlling Your Jealousy

1
Try to figure out where your jealousy comes from. Understanding the root of your jealous feelings can help to neutralize them. Think about how you react to your boyfriend's plans to go out and try to pinpoint what bothers you most about it. Consider the events and circumstances from your past that could have shaped these jealous feelings.^{[1]
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- For example, a former boyfriend of yours may have acted in an untrustworthy manner when he went out with his friends.
- You may also be worried about missing out on a fun time that your boyfriend may have without you.
2
Ask yourself if you are worried that your boyfriend will break your trust. Insecurity about your boyfriend's activities may come from a genuine worry that he will betray you in some way. Try to figure out if your feelings are based on an unsubstantiated worry, or if you actually believe that your boyfriend isn't trustworthy. Ask yourself if any of his past actions give you reason to doubt his character.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- If you don't believe that he will break your trust, your jealousy will likely pass.
- If you do believe that he might cheat on you or hurt you, you will have to reexamine your relationship beyond one simple night out and end it if necessary.
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3
Be honest with your partner about your jealous feelings. Communicating your feelings of jealousy may keep them from spiraling out of control. Tell your boyfriend that you are feeling jealous about him going out without you and that you are trying to gain some control over your emotions. Hiding your feelings may result in tension and a sense of disconnectedness in your relationship.^{[3]
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- Be sure to express this in an open and non-confrontational way.
- For instance, you can say, "I've been feeling jealous about your night out this weekend but I am trying to keep my emotions in check."
- If this revelation makes your boyfriend angry, ask him why he is reacting that way and suggest that you have a serious conversation about it.
- If your boyfriend suggests that your jealousy is irrational, ask him how he might feel if he were in your shoes.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Keeping Yourself Occupied

1
Organize a night out with your own friends. Part of your discomfort about your boyfriend going out may be because you wish you were doing the same. Manage your jealous feelings about his fun outing by planning one of your own with people you love to spend time with. Getting out and spending time with good friends is a healthy way to lessen your negative emotions.^{[4]
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- For example, plan a group dinner at a fun restaurant and invite old friends you haven't seen in a while.
2
Take on a new project to stay busy. If your mind and body are busy, you will have less time to focus on your boyfriend going out. Make sure that you have something to occupy your time by starting a project that you are passionate about. This might include:^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- Redecorating your room or apartment
- Writing a script or short story
- Hosting a fundraiser
- Planning a party
3
Indulge your own interests. In a relationship, you may adopt hobbies and interests that you can share with your partner and forget about those that you don't have in common. Take time for yourself to enjoy the things that are uniquely appealing to you. For instance, you can:^{[6]
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- Listen to music that you enjoy but your boyfriend dislikes.
- Watch television shows or movies that interest you.
- Engage in physical activities that your boyfriend does not want to participate in.
- Read books and magazines that only you enjoy.
4
Change your scenery to help stop obsessive thoughts. Changing your environment can sometimes mean a shift in your thought patterns. If you find yourself obsessing about your boyfriend going out, get moving to put a stop to it. Letting yourself worry about what your boyfriend is doing will likely make you miserable and unsettled.^{[7]
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- If you are obsessing about your boyfriends whereabouts, try going to a walk to clear your head.
- If you are at work or school and can't stop obsessing about his outing, try getting up to go to the washroom for a quick mental break.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Getting to Know His Friends

1
Organize a get-together to break the ice. Some of your discomfort with your boyfriend going out may stem from not knowing his social group very well. To change this, suggest that you and your boyfriend hang out with a few of his closest friends. Plan a fun event or bonding activity such as a dinner party or game night at your place, or a fun outing to a restaurant or pub.^{[8]
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- Hosting a get-together may help you impress his friends and win them over.
2
Make an effort to have conversations with your boyfriend’s friends. If you meet your boyfriend’s friends at a party or gathering, be friendly and try to talk to them. They may feel more comfortable around you after getting the opportunity to chat with you. Keeping your distance or seeming standoffish may give them the impression that you don’t like them or don’t want to spend time with them.^{[9]
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- Being friendly with your boyfriend’s friends may inspire them to invite you out with your boyfriend when they hang out.
3
Look for the qualities in your boyfriend’s friends that he appreciates. If your boyfriend has strong relationships with his friends, there are probably many good things about them that you can appreciate too. Listen to what your boyfriend says about his friends to try to pick up on these good qualities. When you have the opportunity to spend time with him and his friends, observe their behavior for positive things that make you like them.^{[10]
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- For instance, you may find out that one of his friends is incredibly generous, based on stories about his charity donations or seeing him purchase food for his friends.
- Showing interest when your boyfriend speaks about his friends will also show him that you care about them.
4
Be honest with your boyfriend if his friends’ behavior upsets you. Resentment towards one or more of your boyfriend’s friends may cause you to feel bad when they hang out together without you. If one of your boyfriend’s friends does something that you feel is disrespectful or hurtful, tell him about it. He may be able to smooth things over by approaching the issue with his friend, or by giving you a different perspective about his friend’s actions.^{[11]
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- For instance, if one of your boyfriend’s friends teases you and makes you uncomfortable, your boyfriend can ask that person to be more sensitive to you, and explain to you that his friend acts that way when they’re nervous.

Expert Q&A
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Question

Why do I get so upset when my boyfriend goes out?

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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If he is engaging in behavior that is suspicious, then you have a right to not trust them. If he is going out with his friends all the time on weeknights, or going out late on weekends without you, and he is past a certain age and it is not really the standard behavior for his demographic, again, you have a right to be a little bit jealous. But if none of those things are going on, and you can't let your friend go out with his friends once in a while, or get jealous anytime he is talking to another person, that's a reflection on your insecurities. Then you have to figure out where these insecurities are coming from, why you're feeling this way and work on fixing them, otherwise the lack of trust will destroy your relationship over time.
Question

Why do I worry when my boyfriend goes out?

wikiHow Staff Editor
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There are a lot of reasons why you might feel anxious. It’s natural to worry if your boyfriend has given you reason to be concerned, like refusing to tell you where he’s going or what he’s doing, or behaving inappropriately when you’re not with him. If your boyfriend has never done anything like that and you still worry, it might be because you had trust problems in a previous relationship. Help clarify your worries by thinking about what exactly it is you’re afraid of. Try to identify what’s triggering those specific fears so you can resolve them.
Question

Should I text my boyfriend when he’s out with his friends?

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It depends a lot on the kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend. In general, it’s best to save texting for when something urgent comes up, since blowing up his phone with texts will interrupt his time with his friends. However, if you and your boyfriend text each other all the time anyway, it’s probably fine. You can always ask him how he feels about it, too!