This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
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Much has been said over the years about the difficult mother-in-law—but what if the daughter-in-law is the one who sets the tone of contention and friction? If your relationship with your daughter-in-law is difficult and you feel like you're trying to walk through a minefield every time you get together, you're not alone. Fortunately, we’ve got the best tips to help you smooth over your relationship and be civil toward each other for years to come.
Things You Should Know
- Stay cordial and be polite with your daughter-in-law as much as you can.
- Set firm boundaries with her, and don’t let her (or your child) cross them.
- Avoid talking badly about her to your grandchildren or your child.
Steps
Community Q&A
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QuestionMy daughter in law has told my son that I make her nervous and she does not want to be around me. What should I do?wikiHow Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff AnswerwikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerIf she's feeling nervous, she may need more time to adjust. Invite her to spend one-on-one time with you so she doesn't feel so pressured. Or, ask her what would make her feel more comfortable around you. -
QuestionThings have gotten so bad with my daughter-in-law that the only time I see her is when she drops off the kids for me to babysit two days a week. She doesn't seem to want to work it out. What can I do?Community AnswerEnjoy your grandchildren, and know you will always have a good relationship with them when they are adults. She has her own issues she needs to deal with, and if she treats you like that, you are better off having limited contact with her.
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QuestionWhat can I do if my daughter in law does not listen to the rules of my house?Community AnswerYou can compromise with her, or you can ask your son and his wife to leave your house.
References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship#exploring-your-displeasure
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mate-relate-and-communicate/201310/have-in-law-issues
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship#exploring-your-displeasure
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-difficult-family-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mate-relate-and-communicate/201310/have-in-law-issues
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201503/20-expert-tactics-for-dealing-with-difficult-people
- ↑ https://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/info-11-2010/goyer_grandparenting_advice.html
About This Article
To deal with your difficult daughter in law, try your best to stay cordial even if it’s difficult. After all, your child loves this woman and you should respect their choices. If your daughter-in-law insists on spending time with you, try to set boundaries so you can maintain some sanity. For example, if she stops by your house unannounced, say something like, “I’m sorry, but I need to do errands today. It would be better if you call ahead next time.” Just make sure to keep things civil and don’t bad-mouth her in front of your children or grandkids, which could put them in an awkward situation. To learn how to talk out a problem with your daughter-in-law, read on.