How to Deal With Falling in Love

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Falling in love can feel as magical as it does overwhelming. While experiencing a rush of so many new emotions, you may be looking for ways to deal. Whether you're in a relationship with this person, you're friends, or just acquaintances, we've got everything you need to know covered. For all of the best tips on how to handle falling in love, read on!

1

Take time to name and process your emotions.

Love is overwhelming, so it'll be important to deal with your feelings. Falling in love may cause you to feel things you’re not used to, like euphoria, anxiety, giddiness, nerves. If you’ve been feeling completely out of whack, don’t stress—that’s normal. These feelings will become more manageable as time goes on, especially if you work to process them in healthy ways:^{[1]
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- Identify your emotions as they come. If you’re having trouble with this, try journaling.
- With negative or overwhelming emotions, take note of where you feel them in your body. Consider what thought brought the feeling on.
- Don’t shut the emotion out. Instead, observe it as it comes and goes. All feelings are temporary, but they can be meaningful, too. By noticing your feelings without judgment, your can process and move past big emotions.

2

Talk to a friend.

Discussions can help you express emotions in healthy ways. It can feel impossible to keep feelings of love to yourself, and you shouldn’t always have to. Choose a friend you trust and consider sharing your experience with them. This way, you can get some things off your chest, they may offer you some great advice, and, by talking it out with them, you may even get more clarity on how you’re feeling.^{[2]
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3

Pamper yourself.

While processing complicated emotions, you deserve to feel treated. Sometimes, love may make you feel like you’re underwater, completely consumed by your feelings. By investing time in you, you're sending yourself some important messages: that you love yourself, you take care of yourself, and you deserve to feel good, no matter what.^{[3]
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- Brainstorm activities that leave positive, lingering feelings. This could be a long run, a pedicure, or a trip to the park.
- Buy yourself a treat that sparks joy. This could be anything from a chocolate bar to a bouquet of flowers.
- Spend an afternoon on a health or beauty routine that leaves you glowing. Take a long, hot bath, eat a hearty salad, or put on a face mask.

4

Find healthy, fulfilling distractions.

Spending time thinking about other things can help you recharge. When love is constantly on the brain, you may start to feel exhausted. If you’re struggling to think of anything else, filling your schedule with distracting activities can help. These time-fillers should positively affect your mood and help you turn off your thoughts.^{[4]
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- Try strenuous workouts, like swimming or rowing.
- Throw yourself into an exciting hobby, like painting or a new language.
- Strengthen relationships with family, like your grandparents or cousins.

5

Be kind to yourself.

Love can affect your self-confidence, but self-love can help. When you’re in love, especially if you’re worried that the other person may not feel the same, it’s so easy to question your value as a person. You may realize that you’re blaming another person’s feelings on yourself, even though those feelings are completely out of your control.^{[5]
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- Try incorporating positive affirmations into your morning routine: I’m enough and I deserve love.
- Try challenging negative self-talk. For instance, “I’m not cool enough, they probably don’t love me,” could be challenged with, “I’m worthy of love. And I don’t know how they feel yet!”
- And that’s true, you may not know how they feel yet, so don’t count yourself out. And remember, their feelings don't determine your worth.

6

Keep getting to know the person you love.

Strengthening your connection will help you understand your feelings. Even if you’re not quite ready to express how you feel, you can still bond with the person you love. By getting to know each other better, you’ll both gain a more complete sense of how you feel about the other person. Plus, you’ll also have a better foundation to build a relationship from, if that’s where things head.^{[6]
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- If you’re in a relationship, try having a deep conversation, listening to music, or making sure you connect with some cuddling after you get intimate.
- If they're a friend, try a casual, conversation-heavy activity, like a walk. When in love, you may feel intensely curious. Use this to ask great questions!
- If you don’t know them well, look for chances to ask them about themselves and explain more about you. Wait on asking them to hang out until you've met.

7

Show the person you love that you care.

You can express love without saying, "I love you." If you’re already in a relationship or friendship, you can help support this person, bring joy to their life, and even explain what you admire about them. It may feel great to express the feeling in a subtle way, even if you’re not ready to tell them directly just yet. If you don’t know each other well, hold off on using this tip, because they may find it a bit confusing. Wait to get to know them first.^{[7]
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- If you're in a relationship, give them heartfelt compliments, take them on amazing dates, and support them in their passions.
- If this person is just a friend, try brightening their day when you can. Send them a silly text message that will definitely make them laugh.

8

Figure out what you want before you express your love.

By understanding your own goals, you'll be more likely to find a positive resolution. Depending on your relationship’s context, you may desire a more serious partnership with this person, a new romance, or maybe you just want to be sure that you two remain in each other’s lives. And of course, depending on what the other person wants, your desires may change. Consider a few hypotheticals to help you figure things out:^{[8]
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- If this person feels the way I do, what would I want to happen? Would I want our relationship to change, and if so, how?
- If this person does not feel the same, what would I want to happen? Would I want to stay friends? Would I want to keep dating?
- If this person isn’t sure yet, what then? Am I comfortable waiting until they know? If so, how long?

9

Tell the person you love how you feel.

For the biggest rewards, sometimes you have to put yourself out there. It can be terrifying to let someone know that you’re in love with them, and that fear is completely normal. But at the same time, expressing how you feel can be a huge relief, and it’s the best way to find out if they feel the same. Wait until you're ready. Then consider your circumstances carefully before you act. For instance, ask yourself whether or not sharing your feelings could hurt another person you care about.^{[9]
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- If you're in a relationship, just go from the heart. The message will speak for itself. You can add in whatever feels right, or simply say, “I love you.”
- If this person is a friend, let them know beforehand that nothing about your relationship needs to change and their friendship is important to you.
- For someone you don’t know well, make sure they’re in a place they feel comfortable. Assure them that you don’t expect anything in return, but you needed to share how you felt.

10

Give them space.

Though it can be tough, it’s important to give them the time they need. When you’re in love, you may want to spend all of your time with the other person. When you’ve shared how you felt, especially, you may be desperate to hear what they have to say. It's so hard to do, but you have to respect their time, their space, and what they want from the situation.^{[10]
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- Try turning your phone off for a few hours to help limit the temptation of over-texting them.
- Now is the time to bring back some healthy distractions, like exercise, baking, or hanging out with a friend.
- Remember that this is someone you care a lot about. No matter how they may feel, giving respect is a part of loving someone. You'll need to accept that.

11

Take extra care when dealing with tricky relationships.

When we fall in love, it can be messy and inconvenient. Falling in love with your boss, another person's partner, or your older sibling's best friend, for instance, may be extra complicated. Usually though, when you look, there's someone in your life that can help you sort through things. Take some time to find a trustworthy, knowledgable person in your life for you to speak to.^{[11]
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- A close friend may be able to help you decide whether or not you should jeopardize your job for a shot with your boss.
- When you don't feel comfortable reaching out to someone who knows you personally, consider speaking with a therapist.
- It's hard to control who we love, but we can control the choices we make afterward.
- You may stand to lose a relationship, job, or friendship over love. If that's the case, think hard about which is most important before you act.

12

Decide together how your relationship should move forward.

Your relationship may need to change. By telling someone that you love them, you participated in an amazing part of life. It takes so much courage to put yourself out there, and you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Now, it’s time to decide what will make you the happiest going forward (because, no matter what went down, there’s a happy road ahead!).^{[12]
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- Decide how you want them in your life going forward. Your preferences may be different.
- If either of you doesn’t want to see the other, that should be 100% respected.
- If you're continuing or starting a romantic relationship, now is a good time to get on the same page, because serious feelings are involved.

13

Move on if you need to.

You deserve to love someone who loves you back. If this person doesn’t feel the same, that’s okay. So many people have been in exactly the position you are now, feeling the same things. You actually learn so much from experiences with heartbreak, and you’ll take that knowledge into your next, amazing relationship. In the meantime, make sure you take good care of yourself:^{[13]
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- Spend time with people who love you.
- Get fulfillment from your hobbies.
- Enjoy investing in yourself. Learn a new skill, get a fresh haircut, or try out meditation.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you stop falling in love with someone?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Remind yourself of all the reasons why it wouldn't be a good fit. In the meantime, get out there and date around. Do whatever you need to do to get your mind off that person!