How to Date a Childless Man As a Single Mom

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 15, 2021 References

If you’re a single mom and you’re ready to get back out there, navigating the dating world can feel a little overwhelming. Maybe you’ve found a super nice guy that you mesh well with, but he doesn't have kids of his own. Fortunately, this doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, and there are plenty of ways you can date a childless man as a single parent. You just need to be honest about your needs, acknowledge the challenges that come with being a single parent, and give him time and space to get his feet under him. We’ve compiled a list of things to keep in mind as you dip your toes back into the dating pool.

1

Tell your date about your kids right away.

This is something that should come up on the first date. You could even tell your date before you meet up about your children and how old they are. If you keep it from them, they probably won’t trust you, and they might not appreciate being “tricked” like that.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}^{[2]
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Research source}
- If you’re online dating, consider putting info about your kids in your bio.
- Not everyone wants to date someone with kids, and that’s okay. For people without children or who don’t want children, adding kids into the mix can be overwhelming.
- If you have an ex-spouse that you still see regularly, it’s probably best to bring that up quickly, too.

2

Be upfront about your schedule.

You might not have a ton of time to date. While a person with kids probably already knows this, someone without them might not be quite as tuned in. Tell your date that a lot of your free time goes to your kids, and that you’ll have to work around that schedule throughout the week.^{[3]
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- Make sure your date knows that if any emergencies come up, you may have to leave at a moment’s notice.

3

Ask your date if he wants to have kids in the future.

If he plans on being child-free forever, this might not work. If, however, he did want kids in the future, he might fit well within your family. Make sure you discuss whether or not he wants biological kids of his own or whether he’d be okay taking over a fatherly role of your own children.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}^{[5]
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Research source}
- If he wants children of his own, it’s time to ask yourself the same question: do you want to have more kids someday? If you don’t and he does, you might not be the best match.
- Make sure your other values are compatible as well—this will be especially important if it gets serious and they're around your kids for a long time.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}

4

See how comfortable your date is with children.

You might ask him if he likes kids or likes being around them. If your date really likes you but can’t stand being around children, it’s probably time to set your sights somewhere else. Since your kids are such a huge part of your life, it’s important to understand how he’s going to act around them before they meet.^{[7]
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- Try asking your date if he has any nieces or nephews that he sees regularly. It’s a good way to gauge his comfort level without asking directly.

5

Explain that your kids are your top priority.

People without kids might not understand this too well. Tell your date that no matter what, your kids come first. If he can’t handle that, it might be time to part ways.^{[8]
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- For instance, what if you two are out on a date and your child calls and needs a ride somewhere? Is your date going to be mad that you have to leave?

6

Ask him if his lifestyle and career fits in well with your family.

If he’s got a solid, steady job and good hobbies, he might be a great fit for you. If he bounces around from job to job or lives a dangerous lifestyle, you might not want him around your children. This is something you two can talk about together, or something you can just think about on your own.^{[9]
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- Remember that you’re not only dating to find a match for yourself, you’re dating to find a match for your entire family.

7

Introduce him and your kids when it’s serious.

Take it slow, and don’t rush into introducing them to each other. There’s no set timeline for how long you should wait, but try to be certain that it’s a long-term relationship first. A lot of parents choose to wait 1 year or more before introducing their dates to their children, which is probably a good idea.^{[10]
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- This is especially important if your kids are young. If you two break up, they might not understand why they don’t get to see your date on a regular basis anymore.
- It’s important to talk to your date beforehand about how he’ll fit into your family. Do you want him to parent your kids, or is he more of a friend to them? Should he help out with school stuff and family activities, or should he stay on the sidelines?

8

Trust your intuition.

You can sense more than you think you can. If anything feels weird or off, feel free to break up and move on to someone else. Remember to keep your kids in mind at all times, and don’t bring them and your date together if you think it’s going to be a bad fit.^{[11]
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- A “gut feeling” is often our subconscious picking up on things we might not fully realize.

9

Break up if you or your kids are unhappy.

If your partner and your kids don’t mesh, it might not work out. Children might take some time to adjust, and older kids often have feelings of anger or resentment toward a new partner. However, if your kids really dislike your date or there’s constant fighting between them, it might be time to end things.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}^{[13]
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Research source}
- This is another judgment call that you might have to make. You know your kids best, and you can probably tell when to take them seriously and when they’re just being resentful because their mom is dating someone.

Expert Q&A

Question

What a single mom should look for in a man?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

A single mom should look for a man who understands and respects her values and gets along well with her children.
Question

When should a single mom start dating?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

A single mom should start dating when she really knows what her core values are. That way, she can communicate them to her date and see if they're both on the same page.