How to Dance with a Guy

Last Updated: October 30, 2022 References

Dancing with a guy can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether you’re at a party, nightclub, or school dance, you can get a guy to notice you and initiate a dance. If you plan out a couple of moves ahead of time and have a basic understanding of how to touch and interact with your partner, you can have a great time fast or slow dancing with a guy.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting a Guy to Dance with You

1
Plan to dance during a fast song if you want to keep things casual. Fast dancing usually feels more lighthearted, whereas slow dancing has the potential to be intense or awkward. If you’d like to dance with a guy you don’t know very well, or you want to keep things light, having fun during a fast dance is probably the way to go.
2
Wait for a slow song if you want a more romantic moment. If you want the guy to get the idea that you like him, you might want to try to slow dance with him. Swaying back and forth to a slow song can be a more intimate experience, and can also give you the chance to talk to a guy more easily if you’d like to get to know him better.
- Slow dancing can be a lot simpler than fast dancing. If you don’t have very good rhythm or want to stick to very simple dance moves, a slow dance is probably your best bet.
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3
Show you’re interested in a dance by hanging out near the dance floor. Better yet, get out on the dance floor with a group of friends or even by yourself! A guy may be more likely to approach you if you are already out there dancing, rather than sitting at a table in the corner.
- If a guy approaches you, you can appear welcoming and show him you’re interested by making eye contact and smiling.^{[1]
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- Don’t just stand around next to the dance floor doing nothing, as this can look a little awkward. If you don’t want to dance on your own, find something to do, such as grabbing a drink with a friend.^{[2]
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4
Break off from a large group to make a guy more willing to ask you. Guys can sometimes be intimidated approaching someone who’s surrounded by people. Try to hang out with just a couple friends at a time.
- Grab one or two friends and form your own dance circle, or sit by yourselves for a bit.^{[3]
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5
Ask a guy to dance if he doesn’t approach you. It’s completely okay to not wait for him to make the first move. If there’s someone you’re interested in, wait until he’s free and not dancing with anyone else, and make your own approach.
- Walk up to him and say, “Want to dance?” or “Care to join me on the dance floor?”
- Try asking nonverbally by approaching the guy, making eye contact, and smiling. Reach out your hand and, if he takes it, pull him closer.^{[4]
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- Alternately, dance on your own near him and mimic his moves or playfully bump his shoulder with yours to get his attention.^{[5]
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6
Make it your goal to just have fun and be confident. If you seem to be relaxed and enjoying yourself, a guy will be more likely to ask for a dance! Plus, if you’re able to have fun all on your own, you won’t be as disappointed if you end up not dancing with a guy at all.
- Don’t worry about not being a great dancer. Most likely, a guy won’t care too much if you don’t have the perfect moves down, as long as you’re trying and enjoying the moment.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dancing to a Slow Song

1
Work out who will lead and who will follow. Traditionally, a guy leads when dancing with a girl, but if you want to be unconventional or you’re dancing with a same-sex partner, ask your partner what they prefer or say something like, “do you mind if I lead?”^{[7]
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- The leader generally initiates dance moves and determines where the couple moves on the dance floor. If you’re feeling less confident, you can try following, which simply means paying attention to where your partner is moving and trying to mirror that.^{[8]
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  Lorena Bravo, MA
  Professional Dance Instructor & Competitor
  Expert Interview. 19 May 2020.}
2
Wrap one arm around your partner, and grab their hand. Traditionally, the leader’s right arm goes near their partner’s side, with their hand touching their partner’s left shoulder blade or waist. The follower rests their left arm on top of the leader’s right arm, and their hand grabs their partner’s bicep or shoulder. Both partners grab each other’s free hand, with the follower’s hand on top.
- When holding your partner’s hand, your grip should be firm but friendly — you shouldn’t be squeezing the guy’s hand too tight, but you should be grabbing on to it with enough pressure that they are able to lead you.^{[9]
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- Alternately, a simpler way to stand is for the follower to put their arms around the leader’s neck, and the leader to put their hands on the follower’s waist.
3
Give your feet enough room to step back and forth. It is helpful to glance down quickly to see where both of your feet are, to try to avoid stepping on the other person’s foot. If you do happen to step on a toe, just say “excuse me.”^{[10]
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- If you’re standing very close to your partner, try putting one of your feet between theirs, and your other foot on the outside.^{[11]
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4
Look at your partner, or over their shoulder. It’s helpful to make eye contact when you’re first getting started, so that you can both start moving in the same way. Once the dance gets going, feel free to carry on a simple conversation, look over the guy’s shoulder, or rest your head on their chest or shoulder if you are dancing close together.^{[12]
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- Looking into your partner’s eyes is generally the least awkward option if it’s someone you don’t know. Just make sure to look away occasionally so you’re not staring or coming across as creepy.^{[13]
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- Keep the conversation simple. You could talk about the song, or ask your partner about the event you’re attending.^{[14]
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5
Sway back and forth to the beat of the song. This is the simplest dance move. Place most of your body weight on one foot, and whenever you hear and feel the beat of the song, rock your weight to the other foot.^{[15]
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Lorena Bravo, MA
Professional Dance Instructor & Competitor
Expert Interview. 19 May 2020.}
- Don’t lock your knees, and sway slightly with your hips. Keep your feet planted on the ground at first, or take small steps if you’re feeling a little more confident.^{[16]
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- The leader may choose to move in a circle while slowly stepping back and forth. If you’re the follower, it’s easiest to follow their lead and try to move your body in the same way that they do.^{[17]
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- Try to stay relaxed while you dance. If you’re feeling panicked, try focusing on breathing steady for a minute.^{[18]
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6
Try a basic variation on a simple step. If you and your partner feel comfortable with trying something different, switch up the basic stepping-back-and-forth. Try adding an extra step or two to the side, or to the front or back, similar to a waltz.^{[19]
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Lorena Bravo, MA
Professional Dance Instructor & Competitor
Expert Interview. 19 May 2020.}
- For a basic two-step, the leader can use their left foot to take a step to the left, bring their right foot in to meet it, and then repeat again for two steps to the left. The leader then can take 2 steps back to the right. The follower mirrors this by stepping to the right twice, and then to the left twice.
7
Make the dance more interesting with a simple turn. Take a step back, away from your partner, and raise your clasped hands over your heads. They’ll probably automatically step under your raised arms, but if not, lightly guide your partner underneath with your other hand.^{[20]
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- It’s traditionally up to the leader to initiate this move, but feel free to try it as a follower to add something special to the dance.^{[21]
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8
Thank your partner once the dance is done. If you don’t know the guy well, simply saying “thank you for the dance” and returning to your former position in the room is fine. You could also use the dance as an opportunity to get to know your partner by asking for another dance or striking up a conversation.^{[22]
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- Try saying, “you’re really good at this! Can you teach me some more moves?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Grinding with a Guy

1
Grab on to your partner above his waist. Try putting one or both hands around his neck, or grab onto his shoulders or arms. Stand close enough to the guy that you can both hold on to each other.
- You can touch your partner with both hands, or leave one hand free and use that arm to try out different dance moves.^{[23]
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2
Find the beat of the song. There is a steady pulse moving throughout the course of each tune like a heartbeat. To be a good dancer, you should be making some sort of movement, such as taking a step, on every beat or every other beat.^{[24]
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- Listen for the downbeats — these are often played by a drum or a lower-pitched instrument like a bass guitar.
3
Move with your guy in time to the beat. It’s easiest to take a step or shift your weight during each downbeat. You can also sway your hips to one side, and then the other, each time you hear a beat.
- It’s going to be a lot easier to dance if you’re both following the beat, but if one or both of you is having trouble keeping up, you can feel free to set your own pace. Follow along with the rhythm your partner is setting, or help him find the beat by putting your hands on his waist and gently guiding him back and forth in time with the song.^{[25]
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4
Bounce your knees and move your torso back and forth. Your upper body should be bouncing up and down slightly in time to the beat of the music. With each bounce, turn your chest and shoulders to one side, and then the other. This is the most basic dance move you can do.^{[26]
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- Keep your arms relaxed. Bend your elbows so that your hands are at waist or chest level, and move your arms slightly up and down or to the side as you move the rest of your body.^{[27]
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- To get familiar with how this move is supposed to look, watch a movie with a scene in a nightclub and pay attention to the basic movements that the background actors are doing.^{[28]
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5
Get the rest of your body moving. Sway your hips, move your shoulders back and forth, or take tiny steps and pivot your foot slightly as you land on it. Try one move for a little while, and then focus on a different one.^{[29]
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- If you’re dancing in a very crowded place, keep your movements much smaller. Don’t take large steps, and keep your arms close to you and your guy.^{[30]
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- Dance moves that make women look the most attractive include swaying their hips and moving their arms asymmetrically. Try raising one arm in the air, or playing with your hair with one hand.^{[31]
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6
Lock eyes with your dance partner. Don’t stare, but make sure to regularly look into his eyes and give him a smile to let him know you’re enjoying yourself. Doing this can help both you and him feel more confident!^{[32]
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7
Keep the conversation going when you’re done dancing. If you’re interested in the guy, see if you can get to know him better. The dance floor will probably be loud and crowded, so ask your guy if he wants to grab a drink or catch some fresh air outside.^{[33]
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- Strike up a conversation by asking him about himself. You could say, “How has your night been going?” or “I really like that song. How about you?”
- Let him know you’re interested by giving him a compliment. Try telling him that you really like his dance moves, or that you think he smells nice.

Warnings

No matter what type of dance you’re trying to do, make sure not to keep your legs overly stiff. Bend your knees a little!^{[38]
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Don’t try to pull off overly-complicated moves unless you really know what you’re doing. It’s better to have slightly boring moves than to look like you’re trying too hard and failing.^{[39]
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Don’t concentrate so hard on your dance moves that you look completely bored or expressionless! Occasionally, smile at the guy or give him a seductive glance.^{[40]
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