How to Dance With a Girl in a Club

Co-authored by Hebert Aguilar

Last Updated: October 15, 2022 References Approved

Approaching Her

|

Club Dance Moves

|

Dancing with a Partner

|

Expert Q&A

|

Tips

|

Warnings

Going to the club and dancing with a girl may seem daunting for some. It's loud, space is tight, and no one really knows anyone else. But everyone is there to have some fun and let loose -- and this is really the secret of dancing with girls at the club. Just be confident, have some fun, and let loose. If you're willing to put yourself out there a bit, you'll have a partner in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Approaching Her

1
Strike up a conversation with a woman at the bar or edge of the dance floor. The secret to finding a dance partner isn't a secret at all -- it's simply conversation. Look her in the eye, say hello, and introduce yourself. That may seem terrifying, but it is far easier, and more effective, then trying bad pick-up lines or hoping she comes up to you. If she smiles back or seems interested in talking, get to know her a bit and invite her onto the dance floor.
- While it seems cliche, confidence really is the best way to meet women.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Hebert Aguilar
  Professional Dancer & Choreographer
  Expert Interview. 25 October 2021.} Simply put yourself next to her and start talking -- you're already ahead of 90% of the other men.
- If you're having trouble making conversation, just go out onto the dance floor and start dancing, usually with friends. Again, this just shows the kind of confidence that will make it easier to find women.
- You will get rejected sometimes -- but it is not personal.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Hebert Aguilar
  Professional Dancer & Choreographer
  Expert Interview. 25 October 2021.} A girl may have a boyfriend, want to be with her friends, or just not feel great. Rejection is inevitable, so move on and find someone else.^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
2
Head down to the dance floor to see if anyone wants a partner. If you're worried about striking up a conversation or it's too loud to talk, just go to the dance floor and start enjoying yourself.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Hebert Aguilar
Professional Dancer & Choreographer
Expert Interview. 25 October 2021.} As you dance, look around for women who are dancing by themselves or in a small group. You don't want to rush at them, but any women looking for a partner will likely have her eyes up as well.
- If you're uncomfortable dancing, just sway back and forth with the rhythm of the drums. Lift each arm individually with the beat and keep your joints loose and relaxed. You'll blend right in.
- If a woman is with a group of friends, dodges eye contact, or seems busy with another man, just move on. Plenty of people go to clubs to find someone to dance with, so don't waste everyone's time chasing a girl who doesn't want the attention.
Advertisement
3
Make eye contact and smile to see if she wants to dance. The near-universal sign of attraction is eye-contact and a smile.^{[5]
X
Research source} Whether you meet on the dance floor or at the bar, good eye contact and a natural smile is the key to sparking a connection. In fact, smiling is proven to be the most effective form of flirting, so look happy.^{[6]
X
Research source} If she reciprocates, you can:
- Nod your head towards the dance floor.
- Ask "care for a dance?"
- Offer her your hand to her and playfully pull her towards the floor.
- Move in closer while you dance.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
4
Don't spend your whole night searching for women. This isn't just a bad way to spend an evening, it's not going to work. If you seem like you're hunting for a woman to dance with, trying everything to get one to like you, you're going to come off as desperate. Again, though it seems easier said than done, be confident, cool, and collected. You are there to have a good time, but you should remember that you don't need a woman to enjoy yourself. Talk to your friends, start a conversation at the bar, and go dance when you want to dance. You'll be surprised how attractive this personal confidence can be.
- Never try and juggle multiple "options" throughout the night. Chances are good it will backfire, and you'll justifiably look like a jerk.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Club Dance Moves

1
Keep your movements simple and low-key. Don't try to impress anyone with spastic, difficult moves you can't pull off. Simply feel the groove and get moving. Above all, try to do all the following moves fluidly, not as fast as you can or with large, expressive accents. If you want to practice, make sure that you have some music on. A mirror can help too, helping you see exactly what you look like to try and improve.
- Dancing is all about feel, not showing off. As long as you stay on the beat (follow the drums if you get lost) you'll be fine.
- Repetition while dancing is fine! Don't feel like you need to change things up every 30 seconds.^{[9]
  X
  Research source}
2
Learn the two-step to get through any song at any club. This simple dance staple can be used for at any song, anywhere. To do it, start with both feet roughly shoulder-width apart. Count out the beats on the drum: 1,2,3,4 - 1,2,3,4, - etc. Step your right foot out to the right on the first beat. Then follow with your left foot, tapping your left toe down by the right foot on the second beat. One the third beat, step your left foot to the left. Then follow with your right foot, tapping the toe down on the last beat. You'll be right back where you started, so keep repeating it. Variations include:
- Keep your arms up, snapping, clapping, or pumping them to the beat as well. Just don't leave them glued to your side.
- Rotate and swing your shoulders with the beat to get your upper body involved.
- On the second and fourth step, try landing with your heel out in front of you instead of your toe, or placing your tow behind your planted foot.
- As you get better, trying moving forward, backward, or around as you do the two-step.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
3
Bump and grind if a woman moves in closely, so that your hips are touching or close by. Grinding is perhaps the most common and intimate partner dance that happens in the clubs. Luckily, it is also incredibly easy to do. Place your hands on her hip, and stagger your feet with hers so that you're not constantly bumping knees. From there, simply swing your hips back and forth together on the beat. She will likely take charge, so just lock into her rhythm and move with her, keeping your hips swinging from side to side. You can add some simple variations by:
- Removing one hand and raising it in the air, or clasping on of her hands.
- Bending your knees together and going down low, especially if the song is calming down before a drop.
- Spinning her around and trying face to face, especially if there is good chemistry between you both.
4
Bounce to the beat if you're lost or unsure what to do. It is the easiest dance move possible, but also perfectly acceptable in the club. Just bend your knees slightly to the beat, rocking your shoulders back and forth as you do. Keep your hands up, snapping or clapping as you do, so that your whole body appears loose and relaxed. If you've got nothing else, this will always keep you moving.
- Remember to move to the drum beat. Rhythm is easy, just follow the "boom-clap, boom-clap" found in the drum section of 99% of club songs.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
5
Mix and match simple movements together to appear like an amazing dancer. Dancing well is not as complicated as it looks. Of course, complex moves take years of training to get right, but in the club all you need are two or three staples that you can string together. Once you can do the two-step and bounce confidently to the beat, try adding the following slight movements together, doing them for 4-8 beats and then switching it up.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Bob or turn your head to the beat.
- Rotate one of your knees back and forth.
- Turn and twist your shoulders back and forth, bending down with the beat.
- Pivot or twist on one toe.
- Extend your arms out in front of you, crossing and uncrossing them.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dancing with a Partner

1
Pay attention to the drum beat to dance with rhythm. It doesn't matter how good or bad you are-- if you stay in time, you'll be fine. Luckily, club music is easy to dance to, since the drums will count out your steps for you. Move your feet, shoulders and arms in time with the "boom - chick'" of the drum beat. Every time you hear the "snap" of a snare drum, touch a foot down. This should be all the rhythm you need.
- Step one foot to the side, then bring your other foot to meet it. Then move back to the other side. This quick "two-step" looks natural no matter what is playing.
- Do not try and change or adapt your tempo to fit her if you feel off; this just makes it harder for both of you to find time together. Just listen to the music and sync your body up with that -- she will do the same without your help.^{[13]
  X
  Research source}
2
Let the "leader" of the dance come out organically. In older forms of dance, a male typically led the female across the floor in complex patterns. Club dancing requires no such bravado, especially if you're not a natural dancer. So, instead of trying to be something you're not, just let go and enjoy yourself. Follow her lead for a bit. Take her hand and spin her. Bend your knees and go down low together when the beat slows down. Move slightly away and bust a move, even if it's corny. Instead of trying to come up with the perfect dance "plan," just have fun -- chances are it will rub off on her.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- If you are a good dancer, and you feel confident, go ahead and take the lead.
- Don't pinch or otherwise make childish grabs at her. You'll destroy whatever chemistry there was between the two of you. Play it safe and follow her lead until you're perfectly clear on what she wants.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}
3
Let her initiate any increase in touching. Some ladies will want to increase the intensity while others want to take it slow. Don't rush into it, and definitely do not start grabbing or holding onto her. Depending on the situation, there are comfortable, non-confrontational places to put your hands, and let her dictate what she wants from there. Realize, however, that these are just suggestions -- the two of you should feel comfortable setting and respecting boundaries together. If she likes something, it's fine -- if she rejects it, you need to stop.
- If you're grinding, dancing back-to-front and up close, you can start with one hand high on her waist, at about the top of her hipbone.
- If you're leading her to the dance floor, you can hold her hand or lightly place yours on in the middle of her back.
- If you're dancing face to face, you likely won't start with a lot of physical contact. But grabbing her hand and taking her for a quick, playful spin is a great way to bridge the gap.
4
Focus your attention on her, not other women. Once you're dancing with a woman you should be having fun with her, not off looking for another conquest. The reasons are numerous, but the most important one is that it is rude. If you're not enjoying the woman you're dancing with then stop dancing with her and actually find someone else -- otherwise you should be in the moment with her.^{[16]
X
Research source}
5
Mix up your moves as you get more comfortable. As the songs change, do the same thing with your moves. Get down low. Put your arms around different parts of her body (within reason, unless she suggests otherwise). Incorporate hand gestures on occasion. Above all -- do it with a smile on your face. You don't need to make a fool of yourself, you just need to have fun. So open up a little bit, make her laugh, and keep dancing. If you're looking to broaden your dancing move set, check out:
- Learn to Dance
- Dance Some Basic Moves
- Dance at the Club.
6
Don't look at dancing as a competition or "test" you need to win. Most women do not go to the club to find the single best dancer there and take them home, even though most men seem to think they have to be the greatest moon walker since Michael Jackson. In reality, the best partners are fun, confident, and able to stay on a beat. The lights are low, drinks have been poured, and the music is bumping. So stop worrying about getting everything perfect and have a good time -- you'll get a lot more dances as a result.^{[17]
X
Research source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you pull a girl in a nightclub?

Hebert Aguilar
Professional Dancer & Choreographer
Herbert Aguilar is a Professional Dancer, Choreographer, and the Director of Timba Heat Dance Company. With more than a decade of experience, he specializes in performing and teaching dance styles such as Cuban Salsa, Hip-Hop, and Acrobatics. Hebert has performed at a variety of venues and locations including San Francisco, Washington, Hawaii, and Miami.

Hebert Aguilar

Professional Dancer & Choreographer

Expert Answer

I always tell my students: “Approach with confidence, even if you don't know much!” The worst thing that they can say is no. And, if that happens, that's their loss!
Question

Should I ask a girl to dance?

Hebert Aguilar
Professional Dancer & Choreographer
Herbert Aguilar is a Professional Dancer, Choreographer, and the Director of Timba Heat Dance Company. With more than a decade of experience, he specializes in performing and teaching dance styles such as Cuban Salsa, Hip-Hop, and Acrobatics. Hebert has performed at a variety of venues and locations including San Francisco, Washington, Hawaii, and Miami.

Hebert Aguilar

Professional Dancer & Choreographer

Expert Answer

That really depends on the person. Remember that, in the dance world, you have people of all ages, ethnicities, experiences, and cultural aspects. Some people prefer to get asked for a dance, while others go up to the person for a dance without hesitation.
Question

How do I calm my nerves before dancing?

Hebert Aguilar
Professional Dancer & Choreographer
Herbert Aguilar is a Professional Dancer, Choreographer, and the Director of Timba Heat Dance Company. With more than a decade of experience, he specializes in performing and teaching dance styles such as Cuban Salsa, Hip-Hop, and Acrobatics. Hebert has performed at a variety of venues and locations including San Francisco, Washington, Hawaii, and Miami.

Hebert Aguilar

Professional Dancer & Choreographer

Expert Answer

Remember that it's all about having a good time. Also, don’t be shy to say on your first couple of dances something like, “I'm a beginner” or “Have patience with me, I'm still learning”. This is the best way to not feel any pressure and most likely the other person will understand and encourage you.

Warnings

If you approach a girl to dance and she suddenly gets the urge to "use the bathroom," consider yourself rejected. Do not attempt to dance with her when she gets back. If she truly needed to use the bathroom and wants to dance, she will approach you.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 11 Not Helpful 4
Never ask a girl directly to her face to dance in a club as you will only be shouting down her ear. It's best to just dance with her and let nature take its course.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 8 Not Helpful 7