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This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 18,219 times.
Touch is one of the most fundamental elements of an individual’s social life. As infants, it is the most developed sensory function. As we grow older, touch can express everything from flirting to power and empathy.[1] It also creates bonds between people.[2] But it can be difficult to know exactly what types of touches convey which emotions. You can communicate your emotions through touch by using your hands to convey positive emotions, reaching out to demonstrate empathy, and using caution with touch to express anger.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 2:
Using Touch to Conveying Positive Emotions
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1Determine whether it is appropriate to touch the other person. Not all people enjoy being touched. Whether or not it is appropriate to touch another person may depend on cultural differences, personal boundaries, or the situation that you are in.
- Assess how well you know the person. You may not want to touch a stranger or acquaintance, but it may be acceptable with a close friend or family member.
- Use your knowledge of the person to determine if they want to be touched. Have they ever expressed to you that they don't like being touched?
- Be careful with touching people whom you are attracted to. They may become uncomfortable.
- If the person seems uncomfortable, step back, apologize, and express yourself in other ways.
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2Offer congratulations and praise with a pat. Many people often refer to giving someone “a pat on the back” as a way to say, “Good job,” or “Well done!” This phrase holds some truth: you can show your praise and congratulations for something to celebrate with a simple pat on the back.[3]
- Avoid hitting or slapping the person on the back with too much force, which may signal anger or irritation at the person. A gentle pat or even a quick grip of the shoulder can go a long way in demonstrating your happiness for the person.
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3Show your love with hugs and kisses. Touch is a key way to bond with others.[4] In familial, platonic, or romantic relationships, touch is a great way to let the person know you love them. You can do this with bear hugs and kisses on the cheek or lips. Some other ways to show your love through touch include:[5]
- Giving a back rub
- Embracing
- Kissing
- Stroking[6]
- Holding hands and interlocking fingers
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4Flirt with a person. If you’re hoping to have a romantic relationship with a person, flirting is one of the most important behaviors. It helps you woo the person to like you in the same way. Many people flirt through talking or dates, but you can also express romantic interest through touch. Keep in mind that some gestures are very intimate and may cross the line. In some cases, a simple question of “Is this ok?” can minimize the risk of awkward situations. You can show your attraction by touching a person in some of the following ways:[7]
- Stroking hair, for example by saying, “You have beautiful hair. May I touch it?”
- Putting a hand on the person’s leg, for example by saying, “If this makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and I’ll stop.”
- Poking or patting the person in a playful manner
- Touching the upper arm[8]
- Tapping the person on the elbow with the back of your hand
- Hugging with one arm, also called one-armed side hugs
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5Welcome a person warmly. Greetings are something almost every person does in their lifetime. They can convey warmth and hospitality and ease potential tension in new situations. There are many different ways to warmly welcome a person across the world, from kissing on the cheeks to a good handshake. Some individuals may perceive certain greetings as intimate. In some cases, more intimate gestures such as rubbing noses may be cultural. Use your best judgment when greeting someone by touch. You may want to use more intimate greetings with personal relationships and more formal ones for professional situations. You can show your happiness at seeing someone by:[9]
- Rubbing noses[10]
- Kissing on the cheeks
- Shaking hands
- Hugging
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6Say, “thank you” with a touch. Many people do kind things for others. You may even have been on the receiving end of a kind gesture. Showing gratitude for a person’s efforts is an important way to let the person know you appreciate them. Saying, “Thank you,” is the most common way to show gratitude, but you can also convey it with a simple touch of a person’s forearm. Other ways to show appreciation through touch include:[11]
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7Convey sympathy. You may have a friend or loved one going through a difficult time. In these situations, a person may not want to talk. One of the best ways to show your compassion is to offer your hand or give a light touch. Let a person know you’re sympathetic by:[14]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:
Expressing Other Emotions with Touch
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1Gain a person’s attention. You may find yourself in a situation that requires complete attention to you. If you notice someone isn’t paying attention and won’t listen to you, touch can get the other person to engage with the situation again. Some common ways to get a person’s attention with touch include:[18]
- Tapping or patting someone gently or the back or shoulder
- Grabbing or squeezing the person’s arm lightly
- Push the person lightly[19]
- Try not to be too aggressive with these moves. Some people may find them rude.
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2Let a person know you’re in charge. Power dynamics are a common part of interpersonal communication.[20] They are often demonstrated through tone of voice and eye contact. However, you can also show that you’re in charge of something with a simple touch such as a shake of the hand. You may also use slightly more pressure to express your dominance.[21] The following are ways to demonstrate power through touch:
- Hand shake with an elbow grab
- Long hand shake
- Patting the person on the back
- Patting the back of the arm
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3Reveal surprise. Most people experience surprise at some point in their lives. It could be happy surprise such as finding out you’re pregnant or something unexpected such as the loss of something you love. In these situations, touch can provide you or another individual comfort or added happiness. Some ways to reveal your surprise through touch include:[22]
- Hugging
- Placing a hand on a person’s shoulder
- Grabbing another person’s hand or arm lightly
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4Disclose fear. Every person feels fear and many people are reluctant to disclose this emotion to others. However, touch is a way to disclose fear without actually having to verbalize it to someone else. The most powerful way to express your fear is by touching another person’s arm.[23] Trembling when you touch a person in fear can further underscore your message.[24]
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5Indicate anger. Anger is a common human emotion. Most people will express anger by yelling and non-verbal cues such as eye contact. Another non-verbal way to express anger is through touch. However, touching someone when you’re angry is inadvisable. This could cause harm or injury and may result in unpleasant consequences for you. Apply minimal pressure when touching a person to convey anger and combine it with other cues such as tone of voice and body language. This might minimize the risk of anything escalating into a more serious situation such as a fight. Some ways people express anger through touch include:[25]
- Squeezing an person’s arms or shoulders
- Hitting or punching
- Shaking the person
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhy is the sense of touch is so important?
Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerThe sense of touch is so important because it is the universal language of being human. It can transcend words. The body is filled with nerves, blood vessels, and other conductors of touch. We can be very sensitive to touch in certain parts of our body. This can vary from person to person. -
QuestionWhat is the meaning of the phrase "I am touched"?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social Worker"I am touched" can refer to feeling moved by a certain gesture or spoken word. It is a way of saying "Wow, that means a lot to me." -
QuestionWhat is communication through touch?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerTouch is a powerful means of reaching out to and connecting with others. Sometimes it is hard to find words to express feelings in certain situations. A gentle or powerful touch can help the other person to feel loved, cared for, or safe. Together with eye contact, touch can be a powerful connection.
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Warnings
- Be careful when touching someone while flirting. They may be uncomfortable with touching if you are not in a relationship.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://berkeleysciencereview.com/the-science-of-touch-and-emotion/
- ↑ http://berkeleysciencereview.com/the-science-of-touch-and-emotion/
- ↑ http://www.in-mind.org/article/that-human-touch-that-means-so-much-exploring-the-tactile-dimension-of-social-life
- ↑ http://www.5lovelanguages.com/2009/03/speaking-love-through-physical-touch/
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/flirting-body-language/
- ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/flirting-tips-guys/
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/touching.htm
- ↑ https://digest.bps.org.uk/2011/02/24/how-well-can-we-communicate-emotions-purely-through-touch/
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4467067/
- ↑ http://berkeleysciencereview.com/the-science-of-touch-and-emotion/
- ↑ http://www.in-mind.org/article/that-human-touch-that-means-so-much-exploring-the-tactile-dimension-of-social-life
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/touching.htm
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://berkeleysciencereview.com/the-science-of-touch-and-emotion/
- ↑ http://lib.dr.iastate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=16807&context=rtd
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/touching.htm
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
- ↑ http://www.in-mind.org/article/that-human-touch-that-means-so-much-exploring-the-tactile-dimension-of-social-life
- ↑ http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6290290
- ↑ http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~keltner/publications/hertenstein.2006.pdf
About This Article
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 18,219 times.
Co-authors: 5
Updated: September 9, 2021
Views: 18,219
Categories: Emotions and Feelings | Communication Skills
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