How to Break up With a Guy You're Just Not Interested In

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

It’s sad when you lose interest in a guy you’re dating. Even if he’s really great, breaking up with him is the right choice if you’re no longer interested in him. The conversation will be tough, but if you approach it the right way, you will hopefully emerge from the situation in the least painful way possible for both of you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Planning a Meeting

1
Pick a convenient time for both of you. Choose a time at the end of the day, when it is likely that neither of you will have anything to do afterwards. You want to be sure that you aren’t rushed in your conversation and can take some time for yourselves afterward.^{[1]
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2
Have an in-person meeting. Schedule a time where the two of you can meet in person. Do not break up with him via text, phone call, or email. You owe him the courtesy of an in-person meeting.^{[2]
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- Pick a place where you can talk privately. A place that’s filled with memories of your relationship (such as the place where you had your first date or your bedroom) might not be the best place to talk. Try taking a walk around the block.
- If you’re in a long-distance relationship, get as close as “face-to-face” as you can. Have a conversation over Skype or FaceTime.
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3
Give him a heads up about what’s to come. Tell the guy that you want to have an important conversation. You want him to know that a serious conversation is going to happen so that he’s not taken completely off guard.^{[3]
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- Try saying something like, “I need to have an important talk with you later.”
- You could also say, “Can we talk later? I have something I want to discuss with you.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Ending the Relationship

1
Emphasize his good qualities. Think beforehand of a couple really sincere compliments you want to give to the guy. Even if you are not interested in dating him anymore, think about what drew you to him in the first place and what you’ve discovered about him since.^{[4]
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- For example, say something like, “I really enjoy spending time with you because you’re so adventurous. We’ve been on some amazing hikes together, and I’ve enjoyed your company and our conversations.”
- Or try, “I really admire how committed you are to your job. It’s rare to see someone so committed to health care policy reform, and I really respect your dedication.”
2
Say that you’re no longer interested. Speak from your own perspective. You should be truthful about why you want to break up, but try to avoid things that might hurt his feelings.^{[5]
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Research source} Don’t tell him that he’s boring or unattractive, but, if he has a couple qualities that really bother you (such as being rude to strangers or flaking on plans all the time), you can be honest about those. Here are some things you could say:
- “I love spending time with you, but I don’t think our personalities mesh well enough to continue our relationship.”
- “I think you’re really wonderful, but I’m not in the right mindset for a boyfriend right now.”
- “We had a couple of nice dates, but I think I need to be with someone a little more invested. When you cancelled our third date three weeks in a row, I didn’t feel like I was a priority.”
- Do not say, “You’re really nice, but I just don’t think you’re attractive.” You can work around this issue to be a little nicer. Try, “We have great conversations, but I don’t think that we really ‘click’ in a romantic sense.”
3
Answer any questions he has. You should try to respond to questions about logistics and planning, such as returning things you’ve borrowed. However, try to cut off the conversation if he starts asking more in-depth questions about why you broke up or if you’re going to date that guy from your running club now.
- For example, if he asks you when you can return his iPhone charger, make a plan to drop it off in his mailbox later that night.
- However, if he asks you if you’re breaking up with him because he’s gained a little weight since you started dating, try to stop the conversation thereafter.
- Do not promise that you will talk soon or be friends afterward. You need time to decide if those things are best for both of you.
4
Know when it’s time to end the conversation. Do not have an extended conversation about the break-up. Hear his opinion and thoughts if he wants to share them, but try to leave as soon as possible. You both need time to breathe and recover.^{[6]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Breaking Off Contact

1
Return his things and take back yours. It’s likely that you have some of your ex-boyfriend’s stuff at your house and some of your stuff at his. Arrange how you will return the stuff, hopefully without seeing one another. Try leaving it in the mailbox or giving it to a mutual friend to trade.
2
Unfollow his social media. In the digital age, it is hard to completely block contact with someone unless you unfriend (or unfollow) them on Facebook, unfollow them on Instagram and Twitter, and delete him on dating websites. If necessary, unfollow some of his friends, too, if they might post things about him that will bother you.^{[7]
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3
Wait at least a month. You both need time to heal and get over the relationship on your own terms. Do not try to contact him, and do not let him contact you. Maybe you can be friends in the future, but you need time and space before either of you can decide to take steps to be friends again.^{[8]
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Warnings

If he becomes extremely angry or potentially violent when you try to break up with him, extricate yourself from the situation and call the police immediately.

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