How to Blend In

Maybe you have social anxiety and just want to walk around among others and blend in. Or perhaps you struggle with getting attention in public, at social gatherings, or even among friends. You can take steps to blend into social settings, deflect attention away from you and use anti-anxiety tactics to make it less uncomfortable to be around others. If you find your need to blend in is becoming extreme and making it difficult to go about your life, you may want to seek professional help for anxiety.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Blending Into Social Settings

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    Observe others, rather than take action. To blend in better in social situations, try observing, rather than taking action. Observe how others around you socialize and communicate. You can then hang out and simply watch, rather than participate, in conversations.
    • When you are observing others, you may also notice how certain groups socialize with each other. You may then try to socialize with them in the same way to blend in better with their social group.
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    Mimic the customs and practices of others. If you are a tourist in a foreign country trying to blend in, you should try to adopt the customs and practices of the locals. You can also mimic others to try to blend in with social groups at work, chatting about accepted topics of discussion and speaking in a similar tone of voice as everyone else.[1]
    • As a tourist in a foreign country, you can also blend in by learning some of the local language and customs. Speaking with locals in their own language or acting like locals act in general will help you blend in better.
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    Keep your voice low and unassuming. Modulate your voice to fit the tone and volume of those around you. This way, you can blend into the existing environment and not startle or freak out others.
    • In an office environment, this may mean keeping your voice low and unassuming when you speak. You may take on a gentle, low tone so you can blend into conversations going on around you or the quieter sounds of an office.
    • In a foreign country, you should also be aware of the volume and tone of your voice. You do not want to be the tourist laughing and chatting loudly in a quiet local cafe. Try to adopt a tone of voice that mimics the locals around you and that allows you to blend in rather than stand out.
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    Ask thoughtful questions. Let others dominate the conversation and speak up every now and then to ask thoughtful questions that help keep the conversation going. This way, you are participating in the conversation but not drawing undue attention to yourself.[2]
    • For example, maybe you are joining an ongoing conversation at the office. Your co-workers may be discussing their weekends. Let them both share and ask questions like, “Do you go to the lake often?” or “How often do you go camping on the weekends?” These questions will keep the conversation flowing and allow you to be a part of the discussion.
    • If you are hanging out with friends who know each other well, they may not be interested in getting-to-know-you questions like “Where are you from?” or “How do you know each other?” To blend in better during the hang out, focus on contributing to the conversation by sharing your own experiences and thoughts that are on topic.
    • If you don't like small talk because it means talking about things that don't interest you, start talking about things that you find interesting!
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Deflecting Attention Away from You

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    Wear dark clothing. You can blend in more easily in a crowd by wearing clothing that is dark in color, such as black, dark gray, and dark blue. Bright colors often make you stand out and announce your presence to others.
    • You may decide to create a uniform of dark clothing that you wear throughout the week, such as dark blue jeans and black sweaters or shirts. You may then wear this dark clothing every day to blend in, no matter where you are.
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    Avoid eye contact. Eye contact is a key part of projecting positive body language that is welcoming to others.[3] You can blend in and avoid interactions with people by averting your gaze so you do not make eye contact. Often, people will take a lack of eye contact as a sign you are not interested in making conversation or in connecting with others.
    • You can also demonstrate closed body language, where you fold your arms over your chest and turn your body away from the person you are interacting with. These actions will likely discourage people from speaking or interacting with you and allow you to blend in more easily in a group.
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    Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. You can also blend in by not speaking up or saying much at all when you are around a group of friends or acquaintances. Staying silent when you are around others will make your presence less known and allow you to be almost invisible. This is not a great way to make friends or connect with others, but it will deflect attention away from you.[4]
    • You may also spend time on your own more than with others or with friends, as you will not have to worry about trying to blend into a group when you are alone. This can be isolating and lonely, but it can at least ensure that you will not stand out or be noticed by others.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Using Anti-Anxiety Tactics

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    Do breathing exercises. Often, we try to blend in as a way to cope with feelings of anxiety and social awkwardness. Rather than isolate yourself from others, you can try anti-anxiety tactics like breathing exercises and calming techniques. These options can help you stay calm and in control of your anxiety so you do not feel like you have to blend in and be invisible in the world.[5] [6] [7]
    • You can do deep breathing techniques to help prevent you from hyperventilating when you feel anxious or stressed. When you're in an anxiety-provoking situation, focus on slow and deep breathing through your nose. Do this by breathing in through your nose, filling your stomach with air, and holding it for a count of four before breathing out through your nose for a count of four. Try to take ten to twenty deep breaths or do deep breathing for at least five minutes a day.
    • You can also combine deep breathing with meditation. You can use guided meditations on tape or online to help you calm down. You can also try repeating a mantra silently to yourself as you do deep breathing, such as “I am calm, I am calm, I am calm.”
    • Another technique you can combine with deep breathing is feeling your body. When you feel anxious, try to feel your feet on the floor. Focus your attention all the way down there: feel your arms, your legs, and specifically your feet and the ground beneath them, and focus. Take a few minutes to just keep breathing, and then drop your attention down to your feet.
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    Set aside a specific time for worrying. Try to schedule time in your day for worrying or a “worry period.” This could be a set time and place for worrying, where you are given free reign to worry about whatever is on your mind. This could be at your desk from 4 pm to 4:20 pm or in your bedroom from 7 am to 7:15 am. You are only allowed to worry during your “worry period,” making the rest of your day a worry-free space.[8]
    • During your “worry period” you can also create a worry list, where you write down a list of your worries and then allow yourself to consider them. You could list small worries, such as, “How am I going to get all my work done for the day”, and bigger worries, such as, “How am I going to afford my rent”. Once the “worry period” is over, you should put the list away and try to go about your day.
    • If a worry pops into your head during the day, make a mental note of it and then try to go about your day. Remember that you will have time to think about it later and do not need to consider it now. You can add it to the worry list at the end of the day.
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    Avoid anxiety inducing foods and beverages. You should also maintain a healthy, balanced diet where you focus on having meals that are nourishing and provide lots of vitamins and minerals. You should avoid foods and beverages that are known to cause anxiety, such as coffee, alcohol, and foods that contain caffeine.[9] [10] [11]
    • You can try substituting anxiety inducing foods and beverages with healthy alternatives, such as herbal teas and healthy snacks. You can also try to give up coffee if you find it is causing you anxiety and stress.
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    Exercise once a day. You should also practice healthy lifestyle habits to keep your anxiety at bay. You should aim to do about 30 minutes of exercise a day to ensure you are getting your body moving and release endorphins, which will improve your mood and reduce your anxiety levels.[12] [13]
    • If you have a busy schedule, try to fit in a 30 minute walk or run at lunch. Commit to going to a fitness class three to four times a week so you can schedule in your exercise.
    • You may want to try calming physical activities like yoga or tai chi. Doing these activities can help to reduce your stress levels and give you a positive outlet for your anxiety.
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    Get enough sleep every night. Sleep is also a big part of maintaining low stress and anxiety levels, as it gives your body a chance to recharge after a long day. You should aim to get at least eight hours of quality sleep a night and stick to a consistent sleep schedule, where you go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends.[14] [15]
    • You may also do a calming activity before bed to unwind, such as reading a book or listening to music. You should also make sure your bedroom is quiet and calming so you are in the mindset for sleep.
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    Spend time outdoors in nature. You can also de-stress by connecting with nature. This could be a walk in a park near your work or home or a weekend hike in the woods. You may also take up an outdoor sport like trail biking, snowshoeing, skiing, or snowboarding. Getting outside in a natural environment can really help you to feel less anxious and overwhelmed.[16] [17]
    • You may also want to use the outdoors as a way to connect with others, where you invite one to two friends to join you on a hike or go together on a skiing trip in the mountains. Bonding over a shared activity where you are all physically active can make social interaction less awkward and uncomfortable.
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    Talk to a therapist if your anxiety feels challenging or crippling. If you are struggling with your anxiety, you may also want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in mental disorders. You can get a referral for a therapist from your GP or search for a therapist through your medical insurance provider.[18]
    • Your therapist may also be able to help you determine the root cause or causes of your anxiety. She can also help you develop coping mechanisms for your anxiety and techniques to help you feel comfortable in group settings.
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Community Q&A

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References

  1. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/groups
  2. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/groups
  3. ↑ https://blog.udemy.com/positive-body-language/
  4. ↑ https://www.realbuzz.com/articles/7-ways-to-stand-out-in-a-crowd/
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
  6. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/anxiety-tips.html
  7. ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/coping
  8. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
  9. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/anxiety-tips.html
  1. ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/coping
  2. ↑ http://www.adaa.org/tips-manage-anxiety-and-stress
  3. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/anxiety-tips.html
  4. ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/coping
  5. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/anxiety-tips.html
  6. ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/coping
  7. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/anxiety-tips.html
  8. ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/coping
  9. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad.htm

About This Article

Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. This article has been viewed 105,417 times.
2 votes - 80%
Co-authors: 27
Updated: August 26, 2022
Views: 105,417
Categories: Social Gatherings
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