How to Be a Good Girlfriend in Middle School

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: June 10, 2022 References Approved

Middle school is a time to have fun, so if you're in a relationship, you probably want it to be as drama-free as possible! We have tips to help you be the best girlfriend you can be while still staying true to yourself.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Building a Stronger Bond

1
Be yourself around the person you’re dating. Let them know the real you so the two of you can build an open, honest relationship. What’s the point of dating someone if you have to fake it all the time? If they don’t like and respect who you are, then they’re not right for you anyway.^{[1]
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- For example, if you’re into a certain type of music that isn’t popular among other people your age, listen to it anyway and be proud that you have such a unique taste for music!
2
Surprise them with little things to keep it interesting and show you care. Keep your relationship fresh by surprising the person you’re dating with simple gifts and gestures. Surprising them on occasion will show them how thoughtful you are and how much they mean to you.^{[2]
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- For example, if you know their favorite band, surprise them with a cool t-shirt!
- As another example, plant a little treat or sweet note in their locker at school.
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3
Express interest in their interests and passions. Asking questions and talking to them about their favorite things will show that you care about them and want to share in their passions. For example, if the person you’re dating is really into graphic novels, you might ask, "Who's your favorite character in this one?" or "That's an interesting cover design, can you show me some cool art from that one?"^{[3]
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- However, don’t pretend to be into something just because they’re into it. Be honest and say something like, “I can’t really get into graphic novels but I love how passionate you are about the stories and the art.”
- Be a good listener whenever they share something with you. A lot of people don't take the time to listen, so it's really nice when someone does.^{[4]
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4
Support their ambitions. Encourage them to pursue the things that they are interested in doing, and help them challenge themself and motivate themself in the direction of their goals.
- Remember, there's a difference between being supportive and being pushy. Give them suggestions, advice, and moral support, but let them follow their own ideas too!
5
Give them compliments to show them that you admire them. Tell the person you’re dating what you like about them to make them feel good and show them that you care. For instance, if they scored a goal during a soccer game, you might say, “You’re so athletic, great job!” Or, if they did something nice for someone else, you could say something like, “That was really sweet of you. I’m lucky to have you!”^{[5]
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- Keep your compliments genuine and original. "You have great style" "You're really eloquent when you talk" and "You have some great ideas" are all great compliments.
- Don’t overdo it! Giving anyone too many compliments can come off as fake or desperate.
6
Show the person you’re dating affection with hugs, cuddles, and kisses. Take opportunities to hold their hand, hug them, or cuddle them. It might feel awkward at first if you’re both shy, but a little contact will establish a sense of physical closeness that will strengthen your bond.^{[6]
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- Make sure they’re comfortable with physical closeness by asking first. For example, you might say, “Do you want to hold hands?” or “Can I kiss you?”
- If the person you’re dating is already a touchy-feely person, feel free to go in for a surprise kiss if you want to!
- If you’re not comfortable with touching or kissing but they are, let them know that you’re not there yet. If they’re a good partner, they’ll understand.
7
Put effort into your appearance to impress the person you’re dating. Put a little effort into your outfit and grooming to show them that you want them to be physically attracted to you. After all, you probably want them to try to impress you too!^{[7]
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- For example, style your hair and wear a flattering outfit. If they got you a shirt, accessories, or any other wearable gift, wear it around them to show your appreciation.
- Don't go overboard and keep your style appropriate for the occasion. For example, don't wear a fancy dress and heels if the two of you are casually hanging out for a movie on the couch.
8
Give them time and space to be with their friends and family. Don’t smother the person you’re dating! Following them around all day or forcing them to talk to you all day every day will only leave them feeling annoyed. If they start to push you away or make sarcastic comments about how you’re always around, that’s a sign that you need to take a step back and let them do their thing!^{[8]
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- For instance, if they’re going to hang out with their group of friends and doesn’t directly invite you, don’t try to tag along. Tell them to have a great time and go hang out with your own friends.
9
Introduce them to your parents and, if possible, meet theirs. Introducing them to your parents will let them know that you’re proud of who they are. It will also let them see a side of you that they might not get to see at school or any other time your parents aren’t around. Sharing your parents with each other will strengthen your relationship.^{[9]
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- You might ask, “My parents said they’re excited to meet you! Do you want to come over for dinner on Thursday?”
- Don’t force them to introduce you to their parents. Let them meet yours first and maybe they’ll reciprocate by inviting you over to meet theirs.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating With the Person You’re Dating

1
Talk openly about any expectations the two of you have. Ask them questions about your relationship so you know what they expect from you as a girlfriend. Even if you're worried it’ll be an awkward conversation, remember that talking openly will keep extremely awkward and uncomfortable situations from happening in the future.
- For example, you might ask, “Do you think we should plan to go on a date every weekend?” or “How often do you think we should talk on the phone?”
2
Share your thoughts and feelings with the person you’re dating. A relationship is all about communication, so speak openly about what you’re thinking and feeling. It will also open the door for them to share their thoughts and feelings with you, which will strengthen your relationship.^{[10]
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- For instance, if you’re feeling upset about something at home, you might say something like, “I feel kind of depressed because my parents have been really mad at each other all week. Do your parents fight a lot?”
- Don’t say things you don’t mean (like “I love you”) just because you think it’s what a girlfriend should do. Be honest about your feelings!
- Don’t think you have to share all of your deepest darkest secrets with them. If you really trust them, share away! But if you have any doubts, keep it to yourself.
3
Talk openly about any issues between the two of you. If your relationship has hit a rough patch, talk it out! Even a few words could be a relationship saver. It’s best to talk to them in person, but if you're not brave enough to bring it up, text them or chat online.^{[11]
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- If you plan to talk in person, send them a text saying, “Can you meet me at the bell tower after school to talk?” or “We need to talk about something. Can I call you later tonight?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Relationship Pitfalls

1
Remember that you deserve all of these things from your partner, too! A relationship is not one-sided, and you should never feel resentment for the things you do to be a good girlfriend. While not everyone can do all things equally, you should be on equal footing in your relationship. They should support you, and care for you, too!
2
Don’t be mean to the person you’re dating. A lot of middle school relationships might start out with playful teasing as a form of flirtation, and that’s okay. However, don’t let innocent teasing become back-and-forth bullying. A relationship where two people are mostly mean to each other is not healthy.^{[12]
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- If your partner is mean to you on a regular basis, avoid being mean back and say something like, “If you don’t stop saying those things to me, I’m not going to be your girlfriend or your friend anymore.”
3
Don't cheat on them as a way to break up or make them mad. If you want to break up with the person you’re dating, it’s better to tell them directly. Cheating on them to avoid having a hard conversation will come off as cowardly. And if they did something to make you mad, don’t cheat on them in order to exact revenge—it will only make you look bad!^{[13]
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- Even if they cheated on you (or threatened to), it’s not okay to cheat on them! If you can’t talk through your issues, it might be time to break up.
4
Don't criticize their friends and family. Avoid saying mean things about people they care about because doing so might cause them to push you away. Be supportive of them and the people they love. And if you don’t really like their friends, don’t hang out with them and keep it to yourself.^{[14]
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- If they invite you to hang out with them and their friends and you’re not sure whether you like them or not, give them a chance. Try to find something you have in common and go from there.
- If anyone they are close to (from their grandmother to another friend) is mean to you, feel free to share that with them. They might be able to talk to that person, or they might realize that someone they thought was a friend is not so nice.
5
Don’t give in to peer pressure to act a certain way or do certain things. If other couples your age are doing physically intimate things you’re not ready for, don’t force yourself to do those things to fit in or “please” them. It will only cause you to feel resentful and lead to a sour breakup.^{[15]
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- If the person you’re dating is pressuring you to have sex or take drugs, you should tell them honestly if you don't want to (if you’re not ready or that’s not something you’re into). A good partner will understand and respect your decisions.

Community Q&A

Question

what do I do if we are both too shy to even hold hands?

Brandyce Ingram

Community Answer

If you want to hold hands but you're not sure if they do, ask them! If they're not ready to hold hands with you, be understanding. If asking them directly seems too scary, write them a note and pass it to them. You might write: "Do you want to hold hands? Yes / No" so they can circle their answer and pass it back to you.
Question

My middle school boyfriend, who I reAlly like, is super nice to me until we are around others and he just ignores me. He never texts me or replys to my texts. How do I let him know I'm upset

Brandyce Ingram

Community Answer

Be honest with him (but in a calm, nice way). You could say something like "I feel ignored and left out when we're hanging out with other people. Do you think you could try to include me more when your friends are around?" As for wanting him to text you, be direct and say something like, "I like hearing from you. Can you text me more often?" However, understand that some people might not like to text as a form of communication. If he likes talking on the phone more, be open to doing that instead.
Question

Whenever my boyfriend and I are texting, when we run out of things to talk about it gets awkward. Any tips?

Brandyce Ingram

Community Answer

If the texting conversation has come to a natural end, don't try to push it (because that can be awkward). If you want to keep texting, asking open-ended questions is a good way to keep both of you talking. An open-ended question requires more than a yes or no answer. For example, you might ask: "What'd you think about the new Marvel movie?" or "What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?" You can also play a little game via text like "would your rather..." or "never have I ever..." Or, if you're both into meme culture, share your funniest memes!

Warnings

Don’t blackmail the person you’re dating into doing things or staying in the relationship.

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Don’t become obsessive or stalk your partner when they’re not with you.

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Don't spread bad rumors about them. Even if you don't think they're bad.

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