How to Be Self Confident

Be proud of your strengths.^[1] If you want to be self-confident, then the first thing you have to do is to think about all of the things you already have going for you. You may feel like there's nothing good about you, that you have no redeeming qualities, and that everyone around you is somehow better-looking and more impressive than you are. Well, all of that has to go out the window if you're determined to change! Make a list of all of the things you're good at, from being a good listener to having a great singing voice. Then, write them on sticky notes and put them on your mirror or somewhere you'll see them every day.^[2] These qualities may not mean much to you, but you have to think about the fact that you do have plenty of things to be proud of.

• If you really like the list idea, then you can even keep the list handy. Add to it whenever you think, "Oh, right, there's something else I'm good at..." When you're feeling low or like you're not worth much, read it over and you'll feel better.
• Talk to a close friend about it. Ask your friend what he or she thinks your strengths are. Your friend may come up with something that you never even considered because it was right before your eyes!^[3]

Work to be an optimist. Of course, optimism, like Rome, cannot be built in a day, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it to start building a foundation of positive thinking and an expectation for the best. Optimism and confidence often go hand in hand, because people who are hopeful for the future and expect good things to happen tend to think that good things will happen to them if they go out into the world or just try hard enough. Practice monitoring your thoughts to see how many of them are negative, and work to counteract every negative thought with at least three positive ones. With enough hard work, you'll soon be able to see the world in a more favorable light.

• The next time you're with your friends, practice talking about the exciting things in your life or the things you have to look forward to, and you'll see that people will respond better to you, and that you'll find yourself in a better mood.

Be prepared. Being prepared for any situation -- within reason -- can also help you be self-confident.^[4] If you're walking into a math test, you better have put in the hours of studying necessary to succeed. If you're giving a presentation in front of class, you should have practiced until you got it down cold. If you're going to a party, you should learn as much as you can about it, such as who will be there, when it starts, and other details, so you feel like there are less X factors when you walk into the room. While it's impossible to be 100% prepared for any situation -- which is part of the fun and mystery of life -- it can certainly help to feel like you have a sense of what you signed up for.

• If you're in a group setting and feel like you have something to contribute, then you'll feel more self-confident than if you just hang back, listening to everyone else's opinions. You don't have to chatter constantly to build your confidence, but you should talk often enough that you feel like you have many worthwhile things to say.
• You can cultivate things to contribute by reading interesting articles, watching the news, or doing research about current events or things that interest you. Bring up a topic that you have researched in a conversation and see where it goes. Having information to back what you say will help you feel more confident in a conversation.
• If you know something or have a particular skill-- anything from how to build furniture to how to choose the right pair of shoes for prom-- people may turn to you for help. You can build a lot of confidence by helping others and seeing that they have something to gain from you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. You need to focus on yourself and how to reach the goals you want to reach instead of peeking over at your neighbor and wondering why you can't be as attractive/smart/confident as he is. Be kind to yourself and focus on your own dreams and goals, and be proud of yourself for accomplishing them.

• Realize that it’s common to idealize the lives of others from what you see.^[5] In other words, you don’t see the whole picture of a person’s life from casual interactions.
• If you begin comparing yourself to someone else, stop and refocus on yourself. Identify ways in which you are successful, happy, or improving your situation.
• People who lack confidence are constantly questioning themselves and the world around them. Leave less room for doubt by feeling capable of the task that lies ahead of you.

Get rid of as many sources of negativity as you can. Unfortunately, it may be impossible to get rid of every little thing that is making you feel down about yourself, but you can definitely make an effort to surround yourself with positive people and situations where you feel good about yourself. Here are some things to consider:

• If you feel bad about your body or general appearance because you're always flipping through celebrity magazines or watching television, then try to divorce yourself from that culture as much as you can.
• If you spend time with a friend, family member, or significant other who is always making you feel worthless, then it's time to question your relationship. You can try to make changes to your relationship by using assertive communication to address the way the person makes you feel.^[6] If the relationship doesn’t or can’t improve, you may need to make the decision to end or limit your time with the person.^[7]
• If you play a sport that you really hate and feel like you've put in all of the effort you can and still nothing works out, then it may be time to find another club that suits your needs better; this is not to say that you should quit whenever the going gets tough, but that you should learn to recognize when something's just not working for you.