This article was co-authored by Kim Chronister, PsyD. Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.
There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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There are a lot of benefits to be gained from participating in a competition, such as perseverance, mental and physical exercise, and social interaction. The most important benefit, though, is the gain of coping skills. Accepting your loss, keeping your spirits high, and preparing for your next competition are ways to deal with losing that will allow you to feel happy about your participation and ready to face the next challenge.
Steps
Accepting Your Loss
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1Congratulate your opponent(s). Commending your opponent for a game well-played is a classy way to handle defeat, and a good habit to develop for all competition. While you might have a knee-jerk reaction to loss at first, losing gracefully is a valuable life skill that can apply to many aspects of life.[1] Offering a handshake, high five or simple congratulations to someone who beat you is an excellent show of sportsmanship and a positive step in processing a loss.[2]
- If you can, ask them about what they did to win, or how they practice. This can help you become more competitive, or find a weak spot in their strategy.
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2Talk about the loss. Success in competition means enjoying, and benefitting from, your participation in a game or event; this success requires certain mental skills, including people skills, and the ability to deal effectively with emotions.[3] Discussing your loss- with friends, family, teammates, a coach, or anyone else who will listen- is a healthy way to acknowledge your feelings after a competition, and to reinforce your commitment to the game itself.
- Approach the topic by saying something simple, like, "I'm feeling down about losing, can I talk to you about it?"
- You're not alone! Remember—a lot of successful CEOs, actors, and professional athletes have experienced more losses than wins.[4]
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3Make a list of the things you gained from participating. It is important to remember that competition is about more than just a win and a loss. Performance, mastery of skill and sportsmanship are all vital components of the experience that do not hinge on beating an opponent.[5] To help you focus on the good, write down some of the benefits that your participation in the competition provided, such as:[6]
- Mental and physical exercise
- Perseverance and determination
- Social interaction and friendship
- Coping skills
Keeping Your Spirits High
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1Enjoy some funny, lighthearted entertainment. Losing a competition may inspire negative thoughts and emotions, which can contribute to problems of mental health if they are dwelled upon for too long.[7] To avoid overthinking your loss, look for fun distractions that will boost your spirit and promote a more optimistic outlook. A fun diversion might be:
- going to the movies
- going to a stand up comedy show
- watching a sitcom or animated T.V. show
- looking up cute and funny video clips online
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2Give yourself a consolation prize. Whether or not you win a competition, your hard work and participation deserve to be rewarded. If you are sad about losing, treating yourself is an excellent way of boosting your mood and acknowledging your merit. “Retail therapy” has been shown to promote happiness by providing a stronger sense of control over a person’s environment and alleviating sadness.
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3Write down a list of great things about yourself. Everyone needs a self-esteem boost every once in a while, and it is important to remind yourself what a valuable person you are. If a loss or other perceived failure has you down, make a list of your best features, skills and traits, and recall some compliments you received in the past that made you feel good about yourself.[8] The act of writing these things down will force you to acknowledge just how awesome you are!
Preparing for the Next Competition
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1Establish your game plan or strategy. Mental preparedness is a crucial component of competing, especially when you are coming back from a loss. Self-doubt and second-guessing may blur your focus and prevent you from bringing your "A game" to the competition. Committing to a plan or strategy beforehand, particularly one that implements things that you learned from your last competition, will allow you to perform in a decisive and confident manner.
- In a swimming competition, for example, a swimmer's strategy might involve considering whether to go as fast as possible right after the dive, break out mid-race, or alternate between high and low speed.
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2Psych yourself up with music. Music is an excellent way to get back into the rhythm of competition after loss. It has been shown that music can improve performance by lowering a competitor's perception of effort, steering their mind away from the perception of fatigue and quelling feelings of anxiety before a competition.[9] Choose a playlist or album that puts you in the right frame of mind and helps you feel good about competing.
- For example, a playlist for basketball might be fast-paced and sharp, so that you can get your heart pumping. On the other end, if it's a diving or target shooting competition, consider a calming soundtrack to steady your breath.
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3Find a lucky charm or pre-game ritual. Good luck charms or rituals have been proven to improve performance by boosting competitors' belief in their ability to accomplish a task.[10] Choosing a special keepsake or tradition of your own might be especially useful if your self-assuredness is shaken after a losing a competition. While overemphasis on superstition is not ideal, it might be a positive move to add a fun, confidence-boosting element to your routine while competing, such as:
- a fun accessory to wear while competing
- a song to play or sing before a competition
- a favorite, pre-game meal, or snack
- a handshake, hug, or other ritual with friends
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you fix poor sportsmanship?
Kim Chronister, PsyDDr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.
Clinical PsychologistStudy sports psychology and learn techniques like acceptance and mental toughness.
References
- ↑ http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-0901-losing-gracefully-20150825-story.html
- ↑ https://synergies.oregonstate.edu/2020/creating-compassionate-kids/
- ↑ https://www.sportpsych.org/nine-mental-skills-overview
- ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
- ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/garden/the-role-of-competitiveness-in-raising-healthy-children.html?_r=0
- ↑ https://synergies.oregonstate.edu/2020/creating-compassionate-kids/
- ↑ http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24444431
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-confident-be-confident/201001/six-ways-boost-your-self-esteem
- ↑ http://thesportjournal.org/article/music-sport-and-exercise-update-research-and-application/
About This Article
It’s natural to feel emotional after losing a competition, but with the right mindset, you can be happy about it and embrace the positive side. Although you might not have won this time, remind yourself of what you gained from participating, like the experience, exercise, and social skills. Remember that every loss gets you closer to winning and maybe next time you’ll take it home. If you’re still feeling down after a little while, try distracting yourself by doing something you enjoy, like watching TV, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it, since expressing your feelings can help you process them. For more tips, including how to congratulate the competition winner, read on!
Medical Disclaimer
The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
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