How to Avoid People You Dislike

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: March 21, 2023 References

A conflict has occurred between you and another person and now you want, or need, to avoid him/her. The reasons for your disdain can range from minor annoyances to life threatening circumstances. When left to manage conflict in close proximity to someone you dislike, avoidance can prevent worsening the current situation and averting future disputes. Managing this in your on-line world, at school, work, and within your family requires practical strategies that can be learned, if you don’t avoid the call to action.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Managing Online Presence

1
Delete, unfollow and unfriend from social media channels. Each social media outlet allows you to remove a person from your list of contacts, fans, and friends. This will not only allow you to disconnect from the person, but it will stop the person from viewing your posts as well.
- Confirm that your security filters are in line with your intent to avoid the person.
- It may be necessary to remove yourself from social media and close your accounts. You may not be happy about doing this, but there are times when it is warranted.
2
Block e-mails. To prevent communication coming into your inbox delete the person from your address book. Setting up your spam filters will allow you to monitor if the person attempts to send you an unwanted e-mail. You can always click the delete button or save the e-mail to a folder if you need to gather evidence of something more serious such as stalking, cyber-bullying, or harassing.
- There are times when you need to gather the paper trail someone is leaving so it can be used in a potential law suit. Documented evidence adds merit to a case.
Advertisement
3
Don’t call or text the person. It may or may not be hard to restrain yourself from calling or texting the person. You may want to communicate something negative to them, or you might be struggling with the urge to reconnect. Either way, both calling and texting will lead to additional and potentially unwanted communication that may worsen the situation.
4
Avoid responding to calls, texts or e-mails. Find the strength to ignore communication from the person. This might be easy. However, he or she might be trying to seduce you into communicating only to cause you more harm. Silence will maintain a clean slate of communication and is an absolute way to avoid unwanted interaction.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Coping at School

1
Drop or switch the class. If you are unable to maintain composure or you simply need to get away from the person, then take action. There may be penalties for dropping a class if you are passed any applicable deadlines. If the circumstances are severe enough, then you need to drop the class.
- Explaining your situation may earn some leniency from the school’s administration department.
2
Talk to the instructor or administrator. Discussions should be held in private, so call, e-mail or ask your instructor for an opportunity to speak. You may need to make an appointment. There may be the need to speak with an administrator as well. If you are under 18 years of age then a parent will need to be present.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- You can say, “It has become increasingly difficult to be in class with _____ and I need to be transferred out of class. Or he/she needs to be transferred out of class. What can be done about this and how quickly can it happen?”
- Instructors and administrators may attempt to resolve the matter without removing you or the person from class. Remain calm, but stick up for yourself and make sure your needs are met.
- Be prepared to tell them exactly why you are making this request.
3
Walk a different path. Most campuses are large and have many paths leading to various destinations on campus. Find the path of least resistance. If you are familiar with the travel patterns of this person, then plan to take a different route. Yes, it might take a little more time, but you need to avoid the person.
- If you happen to see the person at the distance, simply turn and walk the other way.
4
Avoid direct eye contact.^{[2]
X
Research source} There might be times when you unexpectedly come face-to-face with the individual. Averting your eyes away from the person and moving away as quickly as possible will prevent additional and unnecessary interaction with this person. Be prepared for the unexpected.
5
Ask your friends to help you.^{[3]
X
Research source} When your friends are looking out for you, it makes life a little easier. A friend can create a barrier or distraction that allows you to slip away unnoticed. Make sure you trust those who say they are willing to help.
- Strike up a conversation with someone at a party. Approach a person and tell him, “I’m going to talk to you right now because I’m trying to avoid someone. Is that okay?” Not only will this help avoid the person, you might strike up a conversation with someone you really enjoy.
6
Be ready to use a simple “out” to get out of a situation. There will be times when you need to pretend to be on the phone, or that you lost your glasses or keys. These tactics can be used on the spot to avoid even the most annoying people.
- If you see someone walking toward you that you don’t want to talk to, pull out your phone and pretend to have an important conversation. You can turn your back and walk away.
- If you are talking with someone and you want it to end simply make a gasping noise and make an excuse to leave such as “Oh my gosh. I have to find my keys. Sorry, I have to go.” You created your own “out” to remove yourself from an interaction with someone you want to avoid.
7
Appreciate the positive qualities and learning experiences. There are some who believe that people, even annoying ones, come into our lives to teach us something. Each experience prepares us to be smarter and more in tune with what we want out of life.
- Sit down and make a list of the things you learned from your experience.
- Write about all the positive things that happened too. No situation is all bad.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Handling Work Situations

1
Switch jobs. Whether you have the luxury of switching jobs or not, it may be the best choice to avoid someone at work. Circumstances can range from a petty misunderstanding to something as serious as a sexual harassment claim. You may want to keep your job because you love it, so you may need to look at other options.
- Report all serious allegations to the human resource department which is there to assist employees settle grievances.
2
Ask to be moved to a different department, area or supervisor. Office or factory space might be limited, but if you need to create distance between you and another person, you need to ask. Don’t put yourself through listening or being around someone you dislike. It will definitely lower your job satisfaction and likely raise your stress level.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- You will be asked to support your request for a change so be prepared. Write down your concerns ahead of time, and bring supporting documentation with you to the meeting.
- You won’t be the first person or the last person who has requested a change in seating arrangements. This is a common occurrence in any office.
3
Focus on being productive. Concentrating on your job and the things you need to do to be productive will help you avoid a person at work. You are entitled to have a conflict-free work environment in which you feel safe. Solitude will prevent interactions with others who might misconstrue your words or behaviors.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Use your break time to clean out a desk drawer, or get some exercise, or read a magazine.^{[6]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- Enjoy your own company. Use the time to meditate, practice yoga or write poems, which will help manage the stress you might be experiencing.^{[7]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
  Go to source}
4
Work around the person’s schedule. Many employers hire employees to work shifts that vary in length and days worked per week. If you are in this situation, you can request a different shift. If you work in a standard 9:00 to 5:00 work environment it is difficult to vary your schedule. However, you can observe and work around someone’s break schedule, bathroom breaks and lunches.
5
Do not accept invitations.^{[8]
X
Research source} Be discreet, but do not accept invitations to gatherings that the other person will attend. Depending on the severity of the situation, you don’t want to put yourself into an awkward or harmful situation.
- Arrange your own gatherings if you want to spend time with co-workers.
6
Always feel comfortable with removing yourself from any situation. It is awful to feel stuck in a social situation. You might feel pressure if your boss is there, or you are afraid of what co-workers will think or say about you.^{[9]
X
Research source} Allow yourself the freedom to say, “Hey you guys, I have to get going. I’ve got a long drive,” or whatever the reason.
- There might be times when you excuse yourself to use the restroom and simply leave without telling anyone. This is acceptable as well. The goal is to get you away from the person you are trying to avoid and remove yourself from the situation.
- If you leave without telling anyone, text someone you trust who was there to tell them you left. You don’t want anyone to worry about you, especially if you have been in a conflicting situation with someone.
7
Be civil in the event of an unexpected interaction. Chances are, you might have to interact with the person on a work matter. Use the rule of thumb to remain calm, civil and stick to the task at hand to avoid conflict.^{[10]
X
Research source} Do not respond to any attempts by the other person to provoke you.
- Maintain your composure until the interaction is over. Congratulate yourself on a job well done.
- Stay positive. Keep things “light and airy,” which means: stay away from deep thoughts, discussions, troubles or complaints if you come in contact with the person. Portray a sense of calm and optimism that can’t be pulled down by the negativity or awkwardness of the situation.
- Focusing on the positive will guard against being pulled into negative discussions.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
- No one can take your power away from you if you remain positive. Reacting to an agitating remark will give your power to the other person. You are in control and responsible for your feelings and actions. It is an important job.
8
Gain perspective. It’s important to keep things in perspective. Once you see there is life after a struggle with someone you can release your feelings of upset and shepherd in feelings of relief. You can let it go and reframe your priorities.
- If you try to let something go and the situation continues to eat at you, then you likely need to process additional feelings.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Dealing With More Serious Matters

1
Define boundaries. Whether you are having a conflict with a mother-in-law, a cousin suffering from a drug addiction, or an uncle who is inappropriate with your child, you need to communicate your intentions and expectations as best you can.^{[12]
X
Research source} Your decision to avoid this person is likely supported by ongoing problematic interactions.
- If you live with the person you could say, “I need you to know that I’m going to distance myself as best I can from this conflict we are having. I think keeping a healthy distance between us is the right thing to do. Can we agree to stay out of each other’s way?”
- If they live at a different address it will be easier to manage. You can sever contact by not calling, texting, or emailing. Avoid all interactions.
2
Do not attend family gatherings. Many families experience heightened levels of stress and conflict during family gatherings.^{[13]
X
Research source} If you want to avoid a person who will undoubtedly cause a problem for you, then make your apologies and do not attend.
- Plan and hold separate gatherings. However, avoid overlapping events to prevent your loved ones from having to choose between the two. This will only inflame any current friction between you and the other person.
3
Make only supervised contact. You may have a relative who you don’t trust for some reason. You may not want to be alone with this person. Whatever the reason, always bring along a witness if you are forced to interact with the person. Safety is always a paramount concern.
4
Seek professional help to manage your emotions and thoughts. If you are struggling with the turmoil of dealing with this person, you may benefit from talking to a counselor. Psychologists, licensed professional counselors, and psychiatrists are good options, and you probably have a few of these professionals in your area.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Find a psychologist using the American Psychological Association's locator.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}
- Find a psychiatrist using the American Psychiatric Association's website.^{[16]
  X
  Research source}
5
Seek legal advice if necessary. As situations escalate, you might need the help of an attorney. Conflicts vary in severity and there might be times when it is in your best interest to avoid any and all interactions with someone. Law suits, by design, pose one side against the other. Anything you do or say can be detrimental to your case. Your attorney will guide you through the process.
6
File a restraining order if necessary. The person you are trying to avoid may have serious problems. If you feel you are in potential danger, seek a restraining order against the person to restrict contact. If they violate the order, you can call the police to intervene.

Warnings

If a restraining order has been placed against you, there will be legal consequences if you violate the order. The law is meant to protect you and others from harm. It is best to respect the authority of the action placed against you and vice-versa.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 30 Not Helpful 3
Let the severity of the conflict drive your responses. If you are in a legally contentious situation where communication is prohibited, then you must practice the utmost control in not saying anything to the person.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 25 Not Helpful 4
The laws designed to control stalking vary from state to state. If you are being stalked you must report your concerns to a person of authority whether that is a parent, teacher, church official, police or attorney.^{[17]
X
Research source}

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0